Son violated on Cruise Ship

[Alicev]

Your son is growing up and and taking his first steps into the world of adults. I can see how hard it must be to see our children make mistakes and try things out - not always the best way. I also feel that this incident most likely is not going to "damage" you son or ruin his life. As a parent you can offer your son support when he asks for it and make sure he is equipped with knowledge on how to engage in these activities in a responsible manner. Knowing about STD-s and HIV, using protection at all times.
We obviously cannot turn the world into booze free, cigarette free, sex free place. But we can make sure our children are aware of what it means to drink responsibly, engage in sexual activity responsibly, etc and how to cope with peer pressure. Moralizing, judging, condemning, lecturing are not likely to help.

[love342]

Oh...just in case anyone else reads this post...I do wish I could retract it.    I thought this was
Wise Women Unite but instead I do feel very offended.    The deal was this:
1.   An older cousin betraying my trust...he knew we didn't want underage son drinking...ALSO,
          he got him drunk (or allowed him to get drunk) and then left him with total strangers...
          literally, the kids he hung out with that night he didn't even know...they could have thrown
          him off the ship in the middle of the night...what kind of cousin would be that stupid?   
2.  Younger son betraying my trust...promised he would not have alcohol (I was concerned he
         would be pressured by older cousin cause cousin drinks constantly but due to the way
          the rooms were divided, he had to room with him)
3.  Sexually transmitted diseases....Hello, any advice....no one said anything about what to do now
4.   The world approves of sex and encourages it but we are all deceiving ourselves if we
          think sinful lifestyles are acceptable OR without consequences
5.   I needed support...didn't really get it from you so I thank you very much.   

[luise.volta]

And I'm really sorry you didn't listen. We gave you the best we had to give. I will close the thread. Sending love...

[cremebrulee]

well, Luise, she may be offended, sometimes the truth really hurts, and it's so difficult to accept, that our children are not only grown adults and make they're own choices, but to also allow them mistakes...if she is going to have any kind of relationship with her son, especially after he is married, she is going to have to face reality and accept the fact that he is no longer a child, but a full grown man...

If my son had done this, and probably did, but I never found out about it...I'd have to let it play out...our jobs are over now, and we have to allow our adult children to live they're lives...yes, they will make mistakes, that is the only way we learn life....and sometimes those mistakes are very life changing, for the better or for the worst, however, to involve herself this much in his life is wrong....and I'm afraid, if she doesn't come to terms with that, and allow him his life, she will in fact make things tough on him, his wife, his family, herself....it's a hard lesson to learn....some never do...it's difficult to let go....and yet, the greatest most unselfish gift of love we can give....

I hope she comes back...she to me, is going to need help facing this...facing the fact that she needs to bud out and allow....and get on with her life...it's the productive thing to do...for everyone's sake....

[luise.volta]

Yes, I wonder if we aren't seeing the embryo of what may grow into one of "those" MILs.

We all really tried and there are no thanks in telling someone what she doesn't want to hear. Stepping back and letting go of a precious almost-adult is heart wrenching and terrifying, as we all know. Watching them sometimes make poor choices, flounder and even fall...most of us have to be bound hand and foot, metaphorically, to "allow" it. It's the ultimate test of mother-love. If our ego gets in there...some of us just can't do it. 

[MLW07]

I have a feeling she is in for a rude awakening.  How tragic.

[luise.volta]

Yes. We all understand better than she realizes.

[Pooh]

I think we have to realize that "support" comes in many forms.  Sometimes it is affirmation that we are doing the right things and an "atta girl",  sometimes it is opinions and suggestions because we are "floundering" and people understand, and sometimes it is "you are off base" with this one, but we are here to support you while you learn and grow.

Support comes in many flavors, you just have to be willing to keep sampling them with an open mind.  Some will be sweet, some are salty and some will taste really bitter.  But when you combine the flavors, you get a dang good stew!

[luise.volta]

And once in a while, someone stumbles in here who doesn't want to hear what anyone has to say unless it is to agree with her. It's very rare. And once in a while we all agree 100% and that is also very rare. Both occurred in this case.

[elsieshaye]

It is very hard to watch your child make mistakes.  I've laughingly told my son that there are some things I don't want to hear about until he's over 40 (he's 16 now) and I know he survived.  I unburdened myself once to my own mother after I was 30 about all the things that I did in my teens - she turned very pale, and said how glad she was that I didn't share them with her at the time, because she wouldn't have known whether to hug me (because I wasn't dead), ground me or strangle me and probably would've tried to do all 3 simultaneously.

[luise.volta]

Yes, when Kirk was past 40 he described some of his teenage "adventures." I was horrified and terrified and it was twenty-five years later! 

And he became an ordained minister! What were the really bad kids doing? (No! Don't tell me!)