Author Topic: Facebook  (Read 10023 times)

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barelythere

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Facebook
« on: September 09, 2010, 02:18:16 PM »
Gosh, I'm beginning to think that Facebook is Satan or something.  I was thrilled when GD and DIL friended me.  Just thrilled.  Someone taught me how to chat with a person online on there so when the GDaughter, who is 13 was on, I chatted and told her how pretty she was.  Then, a bit later, I said it again, this time saying something like she was just the most beautiful person in the world.  That must have irritated her because she very curtly said, "I told you thank you. I believe you when you say I'm beautiful. Thank you againnnn"  The same thing happened with my DIL.  I chatted to her that I was so glad their college team won and just general things.  Now, they have limited me on there.  I can no longer see them online and can't chat.  I would not want to chat, believe me but I honest to God did not know it was uncool to do what I did and only did it three times.   Normally, I would profusely aplogize to her (DIL) but this time, I don't think I will.  I know it's kind of normal for a 13 year old to be smart aleck but mine is very, very smart mouthed.  What do you think? 

Sassy

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2010, 02:46:20 PM »
No apology necessary.  I think it's best to pretend this never happened.  Spares everyone embarassment.

I've heard husband and wives get in fights over Facebook. Who needs Facebook drama?!  Not us!


barelythere

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2010, 02:51:34 PM »
No apology necessary.  I think it's best to pretend this never happened.  Spares everyone embarassment.

I've heard husband and wives get in fights over Facebook. Who needs Facebook drama?!  Not us!

Thank you, Sassy.  I appreciate it.  Facebook=Satan

cadagi101

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2010, 05:01:36 PM »
did I get this?? uncool to chat, that hasn't hit in the land down under  yet.   My kids love chatting, I don't only because I have so much to say I run out of space so gave up.  Phone instead.  Honestly you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.     Being a GM must be incredibly difficult at times.   Communicating  with our young people is becoming increasingly difficult and one reason is email and facebook texting and twitter ,  these forms of communication don't portray the feelings and emotions of the sender.    So when face-to-face with others they aren't able to adequately pick up on emotions and aren't able to show empathy towards others.   I see this with my own teenagers and i feel it when I send emails I hope the receiver "gets' that I am being lighthearted with comments.    I have heard many times that FB is becoming uncool with teenagers because their mums and gm are using it,  and many of us do enjoy and get a lot of positives out of FB
I was watching a parenting show on TV and it was talking about children with imaginary friends.   A comment later was don't most people on FB have imaginary friends?    I think that is very true, a teenager I know has 700 friends on FB.   who could possibly want 700 "friends" knowing your business.   But they do seem to!!!  dm and gm's really do only have family members or "real friends" on their FB  or a great thing about FB is finding old mates.    It is just the responsibility of the user I guess.   


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Offline Nana

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2010, 01:26:08 AM »
Barelythere:

When my friends told me I should join Facebook, I did.  I could chat with them.  Then my youngest daughter who is not living with me anymore (24 years old) said "Mom, what are you doing in facebook?  I said "Free Country" I can be in facebook if I want.  My friends are in facebook and we send messages.  If you dont want dont accept my invitation" And that is exactly what she did.  She had never accepted to befriend me in facebook.   They think that it is not cool that we oldies be there.  My married son and oldest daughter did accepted me as their friend in facebook but they never send me a message.  I just have to be there and not try to comment to them anything at all.  I am laughing....I dont care.  They think that fb is only for the young.  lol

Many people have gotten into trouble in facebook.  Facebook from hell.
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

cremebrulee

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2010, 04:19:01 AM »
Hi, I am on Facebook as well...it made it easy to communicate with my son....he choose to communicate thru Facebook....I have reconnected with many people from school, and it's been so nice hearing about them, sharing family pictures etc.  It's like anything else....there are some, like Anna, who have posted innocent things and gotten in trouble...my son and his wife know that I write poetry and am drawn by phylosophy....so they don't take anything I write personal, which by the way, isn't directed at anyone, every once in a while I post quotes as well and so do a lot of others. 

Truthfully, if my son and his wife declined me as a friend when my son comes home, yes, it would first kinda go thru me, however, I know I would realize, I'm older and I don't need to be that connected to them, they need they're privacy and I am not they're friend, but mother, which would probably make them uncomfortable....it isn't directed at me personally, they just would feel that they would maybe rather not have me see how some of they're friends use harsh language or something...it has nothing to do with the fact that they don't like me or want me....I'm not going to take it personal, but understand....and respect they're needs for privacy.  It is not a rejection, simply that they don't want mom in there...period....and I can not only fully understand, but allow.....and not think twice about it? 

Here is another example....a few ladies and I always go out to eat on Friday night....one of them called me, and I consider her one of my best friends, and told me, she was invited out to eat with a very close friends who are celebrating they're anniversary and invited her along.  Wow, that was very nice of them and why shouldn't she go?  We can always go next week?  She is not rejecting me, but going her own way, which she should.

Barely there, I can see both sides of this...It sounds to me like Your GD is probably very beautiful....and people probably tell her that all the time.  Some people like the attention, but it sounds to me, like your GD doesn't.  When I was young, people used to say that to me, and it used to make me uncomfortable and angry b/c they'd do it in front of other people and it would embarrass me and/or call attention to me, and you get tired of hearing it...plus, I didn't believe it, and didn't thing people were being sincere....so, say something once, and then go onto something else....but I wouldn't say she is the most beautiful person in the whole world, it probably made her feel very uncomfortable....however, from the other side of it, she should have not been so rude, but explained to you how she felt about it. 

This is a small thing really....what I would do is wait, and when you see her in person, take her aside some place privet and tell her your sorry, if it made her uncomfortable, but that is the way you felt and you didn't think it would upset her.  Reassure her that  you know better now. 

There is also this....as I explained before....we've become a world of technology and talking on the phone is a thing of the past...(thank God) I hate it when the phone rings....LOL....anyway, so people write just like we are doing....and depending how sensitive we are....we might misunderstand the intentions of anothers words, b/c we cannot see they're faces. 

Facebook like anything else, is a useful and fun tool....however, it can also be wrongly used and hurt feelings or hurt feelings without even realizing it.  Like Anna's situation....her ndil is very young, Anna and her were exchanging stories about the other DIL...which shouldn't have happened....b/c after a while the other DIL is going to wonder if Anna is discussing her with the old DIL....it's not good to talk to others in the family about other family members....or other people for that matter....when you do that, people start to wonder if confiding in you, was a good choice.  So, when Anna posted something innocent in the way of a beautiful quote on her facebook, the new dil thought it was intended towards her or the old DIL and got really upset.  Maybe she was feeling really insecure that day, had a bad day, worried that she might have said something about old DIL that Anna might repeat...had a fight with Anna's son, or whatever....she saw that and flipped out on Anna....

so, long story short....yes, many people have gotten into trouble on Facebook but many have not and it is a very fun and useful tool....and some young people don't want they're parents in there....some do, but it isn't something that should be taken personal....give them space and don't think of them as your friends, but as your children who are adults now.  Remember a lot of times, people accept your friendships, yours and mine out of feeling obligated...even if it was them that sent you the friendship. 

I have sent friendships out to a few that were not accepted, and that's fine with me....really.....so life is way to short to allow this to upset you or make you sad....just ignore it and fix it when the time is right....and from now on, learn that if you say something once, that it enough, don't elaborate on it and say it again....oh, and I almost forgot, some people really hate compliments...why?  For many reasons, but they do....which is another reason to not elaborate....you didn't do anything wrong barelythere, however, by understanding that not everyone thinks and feels like you do, may help lessen, the hurt or harsh words of your GD? 

Facebook like anything else is a choice...it's neither good or bad, it all depends on the individual and how they feel about it.  I've heard terrible comments from people who have said, "People on Facebook don't have a life".  What a terrible decission to conclude.  I've also heard people say, I'm a very personal individual and I don't want my information out there, or they are intimidated, b/c someone has sent them a friend request, and they don't want to be friends....?  why let such little things bother?  It's a personal choice and if someone doesn't understand or is hurt, you can't help that....right?  Your simply being you....to heck with what they think, right?  It's not what you meant...so, from this to, we can all learn a lesson? 

hugs
Creme

Offline Miss Understood

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2010, 05:17:10 AM »
Socializing??? I think that Facebook can be a hurtful (Passive way) of lashing out. My DIL, after they ousted our family from our GD's birthday posted hurtful (rub it in) things on facebook...including purchasing a bike, the same one she wanted me to buy for our GD and not allowing us to give it to her...then tagging me with GD on it bragging about how happy she was, blah, blah...then unfriending our family. Can't have the guts to call and talk or face us, so throw out the nasty on FB. Now they convinced every aquaintance that was on there (family friends or my DS's friends that we were all close with) to ALSO remove or block us so we don't have access to see how my GD or them are doing.
I don't have to socialize with them on FB... IF they don't want to socialize with me in person, why should I have them lurking at their convenience with me on FB.
Barely There. Just ignore it. Change your privacy settings since that is what they did. I have this new thought pattern that says, "Just because they are being awful people, doesn't mean that I have to be...though I am closing my door, leaving it unlocked and trying to keep me self together." It isn't always working...but I keep telling myself that daily.
I have had a real bad day yesterday...I cried so much, my nose bled. Then I got angry with myself that I allowed the knuckleheads to ruin another beautiful day in my life. I can only get mad at me now...they really aren't doing anything to me...I don't exist in their world anymore.
Selfish brats!

cremebrulee

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2010, 06:09:00 AM »
Socializing??? I think that Facebook can be a hurtful (Passive way) of lashing out. My DIL, after they ousted our family from our GD's birthday posted hurtful (rub it in) things on facebook...including purchasing a bike, the same one she wanted me to buy for our GD and not allowing us to give it to her...then tagging me with GD on it bragging about how happy she was, blah, blah...then unfriending our family. Can't have the guts to call and talk or face us, so throw out the nasty on FB. Now they convinced every aquaintance that was on there (family friends or my DS's friends that we were all close with) to ALSO remove or block us so we don't have access to see how my GD or them are doing.
I don't have to socialize with them on FB... IF they don't want to socialize with me in person, why should I have them lurking at their convenience with me on FB.
Barely There. Just ignore it. Change your privacy settings since that is what they did. I have this new thought pattern that says, "Just because they are being awful people, doesn't mean that I have to be...though I am closing my door, leaving it unlocked and trying to keep me self together." It isn't always working...but I keep telling myself that daily.
I have had a real bad day yesterday...I cried so much, my nose bled. Then I got angry with myself that I allowed the knuckleheads to ruin another beautiful day in my life. I can only get mad at me now...they really aren't doing anything to me...I don't exist in their world anymore.
Selfish brats!

Miss Understood,
Selfish Brats is right, but it's not Facebooks fault, this proves how childish your DIL is....and believe me, others will question her going to those lengths, they will never say a thing, but will wonder about it....and those who cling onto gossip, will rally around her....so see it for what it is....and know, that someday, this will all come back to haunt here....and you are justified for your hurt....this was a dispicable way to get even...or to hurt you and rub your noses in it....but deep down, she is a very unhappy little girl...you don't do these things if your confident, happy and balanced.....a toddler would react like this....so see it for what it is, and try not to allow her to hurt you...right now, your the winner here....in that, she is showing how truly unstable she is.....
you don't do these things to people...you don't, not if your a caring, mature, aware person.....

the only reason acceptable to keep family from they're inlaws is, if the inlaws are incompetent or on drugs or alcohol or way over protective, which isn't your fault. 

sending you big hugs....be strong....vigulant and know your not in the wrong here in any way shape or form, and I know in a situation like this we tend to doubt ourselves at times and it hurts oh so horribly.

Creme


Offline Miss Understood

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2010, 06:26:07 AM »
Thanks. My DH says the rollercoaster ride I'm on is exhausting to him, I agree but to me it's like an anxiety attack that won't go away. I do keep doubting myself, when the emotional me comes out...my logical side is the opposite...totally toxic and I am so disturbed by my DS's behavior. I have to blame him...it's him that's allowing this to his mother. His wonderful mother!.

cremebrulee

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2010, 06:43:33 AM »
Thanks. My DH says the rollercoaster ride I'm on is exhausting to him, I agree but to me it's like an anxiety attack that won't go away. I do keep doubting myself, when the emotional me comes out...my logical side is the opposite...totally toxic and I am so disturbed by my DS's behavior. I have to blame him...it's him that's allowing this to his mother. His wonderful mother!.

I'm sure you've heard many stories from DIL's that they've left they're husbands b/c of they're mil's.  Well, the same thing can have a toxic effect on the MIL and FIL...don't allow it

Miss Understood....men hate drama...and this is drama....and they cringe at the thought  of coming home to an upset wife again, cuz they know they're going to hear about it and hear about it over and over again, all night and for the days to come...we women just don't know whenn to zip it and it works on them, slowly ever so slowing tearing them apart...it effects they're whole outlook on life, they see it as they're family falling apart and cannot fix it, and they don't know where to turn.  Men hold things inside, therefore, everytime we talk to them about it, or yell, scream and cry, it's totally stressing them out.....men are weaker then women....really, they just do not express verbally like women do.  My son always says, after working so long with the public and taking phyc courses....that women are emotional talkers....however, some of us play and replay and replay till the cows come home, in better terms, we obsess b/c we can't fix it....identify it for what it is, and realize, the impact it is not only having on you, but on him and your marriage....that is your fault, not hers....don't give her that power....please....let him alone, and when you need to vent, come in here, or find a girlfriend who you can trust to unload on...when he comes home dear, you become a lady, practice being who you used to be....and give him all the soft, gentle understanding attention he so needs...put your problems on hold and smooze him, rub his feet, have a surprise dinner waiting for him, dress up in something very provacative...and make this your special quality time together....like I suggested in another thread, stop making your children your whold purpose and start making him your purpose....b/c your slighting him and he feels horrible..and pretty soon, if you keep it up, inside, he'll cringe at the thought of coming home....start making plans with him for something special you two can do together next weekend, and make sure your there with him mentally....change your attitude towards this whole things, you can't change the situation, but you do have great powers to change yourself and your relationship with your husband....it's your time now, yours and his....just remember, he's there now, so use that time wisely, b/c he isn't always going to be there...don't take him for granted, shower him with a memorable relationship....you both deserve nothing less....

hugs
creme

miss_priss

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2010, 06:52:52 AM »
Ah Facebook.  I've said this before..it's the breeding ground for passive aggressive behavior.  I love FB, I use it to keep in touch with friends and family, especially military friends I have all around the world.  But my MIL, since she discovered it, has used it as yet another tool to broadcast family business to the world....ALL CAPS status messages that exhalt her as the ultimate victim because we cut her off.  Her "likes" are cruel, violent, and just plain stupid.  She NEVER mentions names, but it's obvious.  She knows that family and friends whom we are still in contact with read her half-truth comments, so its another way she tries to turn them all against us, since we've now turned our backs on her.  And by "half-truth" I mean that yes, she is absolutely right that we have cut her off and banned her from our home and access to our daughter....but she never tells why.  She tries desperately to make us look like monsters, while she plays cries "woe is me!" and portrays herself as completely innocent Cinderella the general public.

Sadly, her methodology of repairing and upholding relationships is "send gifts until they feel guilty, and publicly humiliate them until they give in so I'll stop."  The woman is a narcissistic monster, and I really pity her.  Even more than that, I really pity her pool of sympathizers who don't have a clue.       

Offline Miss Understood

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2010, 06:56:22 AM »
Thank you creme. I know all this....I know this is like a nuclear bomb went off in our house and the fall out is killing the bunch slowly. I just want to ask a question...has anyone here ever had a happy ending? How do you just wake up and not think about them anymore? I miss my son (the one he was before the aliens invaded and took over his soul) I miss my GD and even my DIL...the one I thought she was. I blinked and it was all gone...for whatever reason they made it out to be...I've given up trying to make sense of something which makes no sense!
So, any happy ending stories? Reason to have hope would be nice.

cremebrulee

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2010, 07:05:18 AM »
put your problems on hold and smooze him, rub his feet, have a surprise dinner waiting for him, dress up in something very provacative...and make this your special quality time together

Great advice Creme, I just told my hubby this morning there would be something special waiting for him tonight when he gets home from work.  Of course I didn't tell him what!!   ;)

LOL, this is making me smile...I actually laughed out loud....thank you!!!!
You've given me a much needed happy friday present...you have a wonderful weekend!  (wink)

RedRose

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2010, 07:33:22 AM »


....start making plans with him for something special you two can do together next weekend, and make sure your there with him mentally....change your attitude towards this whole things, you can't change the situation, but you do have great powers to change yourself and your relationship with your husband....it's your time now, yours and his....just remember, he's there now, so use that time wisely, b/c he isn't always going to be there...don't take him for granted, shower him with a memorable relationship....you both deserve nothing less....

Wonderful advice Creme....Make him #1 in your life always...everything else should follow  :)



Offline Miss Understood

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Re: Facebook
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2010, 07:43:32 AM »
I actually called hubby and set a date night! Thanks for bringing my logical side out today. Getting hair and nails done and looking forward to a nice evening. I dissapoint myself so much when I take those backward steps...I'm stronger than that. Thanks ladies. Have a lovely day