Author Topic: SO SAD  (Read 2629 times)

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chickiebaby

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SO SAD
« on: September 09, 2009, 02:03:43 PM »
It's so sad to watch this forum turned into one for DILs to rule. What I've watched is a forum that could have lifted us, become one that's pulled us so low. I've cried at the blasting of Mils who are so wounded in spirit to begin with. People from other places, people with identical IP's talking as if they were someone else. How can that be going on here?

AnnieB

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2009, 02:32:10 PM »
I thought only admins could see the IP locations of posters... where are you finding this?

chickiebaby

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2009, 02:41:22 PM »
I'm glad you're comforted by these posters. I think that is good. Maybe for some of us it's not as easy as it is for you. We are wounded and when someone tells us how we should of, could of, it is devastating cause we gave everything. She walked in and it was over. You can call it creepy or weird but it's very hard to endure. We don't need a boss to tell us what to do.  We need a listening ear.


SunnyDays09

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2009, 03:58:18 PM »
I thought only admins could see the IP locations of posters... where are you finding this?

 i wonder the same thing.  thru private messaging?  that's how their email address shows up and I know thru my software on my computer I can do advanced and get their IP addresses and locations on a search for IP site.

SunnyDays09

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2009, 04:12:14 PM »
Last one to leave.  Turn out the lights.

SunnyDays09

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2009, 04:33:40 PM »
I aint going darnit.  I deserves to be here.  I will personally run each of those varmints outta here. 

  I AM A MIL AND I REFUSE TO LEAVE. 

Offline sadDIL

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2009, 05:06:14 PM »
I think it is sad that you are making a rash generalization about all DIL's. I haven't posted anything offensive here. In fact I've only posted a couple of times. This is a public website and it doesn't seem as if Luise minds us being on here at all. I agree that everyone (DILs and MILs alike), should keep a positive tone and be here to help each other.

AnnieB

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2009, 05:13:55 PM »
I think it is sad that you are making a rash generalization about all DIL's. I haven't posted anything offensive here. In fact I've only posted a couple of times. This is a public website and it doesn't seem as if Luise minds us being on here at all. I agree that everyone (DILs and MILs alike), should keep a positive tone and be here to help each other.

I agree, sadDIL.   I've had hostile "welcomes" in sites supposedly for all mothers ... I hope we don't turn into that kind of place, where all DIL's get labeled the same way all MIL's do in some places  :'(
I love the attitude luise and her son have posted, that we are to read and agree to before posting here:

"MOTHER IN LAWS UNITE, hereafter referred to as MILU or the Forum, exists for thoughtful, respectful discussion. Please check the bad attitude at the door. It is reviewed and moderated throughout the day to insure compliance with Forum policies. Moderators have the right to edit or remove any postings at any time. The determination of what is construed as unkind, indecent, vulgar, spam, etc. is up to the Moderator."

"Simply put, members are to act and post respectfully. There may be situations where you feel a member is being abusive or hostile to you or has addressed a particular topic of discussion inappropriately. This does not give you permission to respond in a similarly inappropriate way. If you stand up for yourself in a calm, respectful manner, you'll find yourself quickly earning kudos from the membership and management. The Moderators are given sole discretion in determining whether a comment is baiting and will respond accordingly."

http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php/topic,29.0.html

Basically, rather than attacking someone else if you feel attacked, please contact luise or her son via Private Message....  so we don't turn into one of those "hate" forums.  Luise has done such a wonderful job with this forum, I hope we can help make it a special place for MIL's to heal, talk and learn -- and for DIL's to visit and do some of the same.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2009, 08:18:17 PM »
Ah, AnnieB - Thank you. Daylight in the swamp. The truth is that we are all DILS. That's how we got to be MILs!

I am willing to step in on occasion...if something is overtly vicious or vulgar. But I am not willing to run a nursery school or a police academy.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline luise.volta

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2009, 08:19:39 PM »
This now sounds like a broken record but it applies again and again. Luise


Well, we are doing our best.

This is a newish site and your moderator, (me), is on a learn-as-you go path. DILs haven't been banned in spite of our name, because they often bring wisdom, a different take on things and some seem to really want to know how to connect. Some have been delighted to find a site that wasn't a MIL bashing entity. Conversely, our intent was never to go for the throat and bash DILs across the board.

I don't know the first thing about how or why someone would create multiple identities. I'm not going to ask my webmaster to police that, his plate is already too full. How can the person keep their postings straight? (I couldn't.)

It's not easy to feel strongly and still respect an apposing point of view. Flaming and baiting are hard to identify...it's pretty subjective. Case in point, I apparently saw dignity where there either was none, or it was a matter of interpretation. And generalizations can be deadly. All DILs are not horrific. Neither are all MILs.

Why not just post on threads where you feel comfortable and pass on the ones where you don't? Or why not start a new thread if you don't like the existing ones?

Why choose sides and take up arms? I would suggest that anyone (MIL or DIL) seriously interested in war move on and create their own forum-battlefield if it's blood they're after. I wonder if www.axetogrind.com is taken. If not, you're welcome to it.

This site is about support and resolution. That's what I wrote about at the top of the Home Page and we have already had a great deal of that. At the same time, to disagree is human and it's the stuff forums are made of. To attack and counter attack, however, seems childish to me and counter productive. Childish being the operative word.

This is, in essence, your forum. It wouldn't amount to much if I sat at my computer all day talking to myself. If you use it to tear each other to shreds, that's how it will end up.

If anyone sees clearly that our agreement isn't being kept and can give me the name of the person who has decided to be a troublemaker, message me and I will look into it and after a warning, remove that person if need be...(whether MIL or DIL.)

Peace, Luise
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

SunnyDays09

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2009, 06:05:07 AM »
Ok.  Ready?  Happy Dance.  Everyone. 

    (watch out for the drink table)

My dh always has this thing he says.  Like when I used to be sad about some female family members that seemed to "gang" up on other female family members. 

He would say "they're women arent they?"
   
  I never liked that.

chickiebaby

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2009, 06:42:36 AM »
My husband is a person who overseas women, massive numbers of them. Some men too but mostly women.  This is how he sees it.  "It's like herding cats"

SunnyDays09

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2009, 06:47:20 AM »
Meow.  *Warning:  claws are sharp. 

just2baccepted

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2009, 07:36:51 AM »
My husband is a person who overseas women, massive numbers of them. Some men too but mostly women.  This is how he sees it.  "It's like herding cats"

That is so hilarious!  My hubby is in the Air Force and he says the same stuff about working with women.  Thanks I needed that laugh!

chickiebaby

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Re: SO SAD
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2009, 07:39:16 AM »
yes, can you imagine trying to herd cats?  Going in all directions?  So funny!!  Women are really something, aren't we?   Boy hydie!! ( a Southern term)