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How do you make it thru the hard days?

Started by Positive Attitude, August 30, 2010, 06:36:26 am

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Positive Attitude

My DIL has told me we are "cut off" from our grandchildren.
I am trying to have a positive attitude  when a pity party feels more appropriate!!
Also, are there any grandparent rights for visitation?


So sorry you are going thru this.  I went thru the whole grandparents' rights last year.

It depends on what state you live in.  You will have to research your state laws.  Here where I live, there are grandparent rights, but they are very specific as to what.  Ours are you have to have an established relationship with the child/children and show that ending that relationship will be harmful to the child.  Also, it is geared towards the death or abandonment of a parent, where the parent that is left will not let the other grandparents see the child/children.

Not all states have it, and some are very stringent, as in the grandchildren had to have lived with the grandparents at one time or another.  It's a long road, and unfortunately not much in the grandparents favor.  Because we had never seen our GD because the mother was refusing, and because my DS and her had never been married, we couldn't establish the grandparents rights.

Your state could be different.  Do some research online and you should be able to find your state's laws.  Good luck.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

forever spring

I am really sorry to hear this. Grandchildren have a right to see their grandparents but unfortunately they cannot voice it themselves. Have the lines of communications totally broken down or is there a glimmer of hope to undo this situation?
The daughter of a friend of mine cut all ties with her original family and for 18 years my friends did not see their grandchild. Now 18 years later the grandchild has made contact with his grandparents. Both parties are sorry about time lost but celebrate the fact that they can now begin a meaningful relationship with each other. It is never too late!
I hope you will be able to claim the right to visit your grandchildren.


On the hard days you come here for support and understanding and options...and so you will know you're not alone. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


This is the power DILs have whether they take advantage of it or not...some do, most don't (thank goodness.) I'm sorry yours is of the former group. I hope she changes her mind. If you did something that can't be mended, something huge and deserving of being cut off, I know you are hurting. If not, I know you're not only hurting but confused and devastated.

Where is your DS in all of this? If this isn't what he wants he needs to step up now.

In the meantime, please know you're not alone. Many of us here are taking 2 steps forward, 1 back but we're plugging along. Many are flying forward. Luise is really great about making sure we are working towards personal joy and happiness while concurrently working through the pain and confusion of these situations. Good luck!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Hi Positive!

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, but I'm curious as well.  Did DIL give any indicates as to why you were being " cut off"?

I'm a DIL with a controlling MIL, so I know I wont be the most qualified to give you advice, but I'm sure all of the ladies here, including me could offer better support with a little more background story about the situation?

Positive Attitude

August 31, 2010, 08:40:33 am #6 Last Edit: August 31, 2010, 10:09:16 am by luise.volta
Thank You everyone,

It is great to find a great support system like this. I didn't realize how many women go through the same thing.

The problem with DIL started over my granddaughter that my son had with first wife. He has custody , she is 14, The DIL has always been jealous of the GD and treats her like a stepchild for sure.  DIL whines to my DS that GD is trying to break up marriage, that no one likes her and it is because we only get GD side ....this progresses to a terrible fight between GD and DS. Then DIL says she is cutting GD off , GD stayed with us during the day , in summer months. DIL would pick her up and no one would speak to her at home. GD would cry because she didn't want to go home.
DIL complained to DS in Gd's presence about everything GD did, including eating or drinking food that DIL wanted. GD had an ear infection, DIL scoffed at her and GD called me crying. I took her to MD next morning.

Then suddenly DIL calls GD at my house and "wants to fix things" DS calls GD and tells her she will not be seeing us anymore BC we are trying to turn GD against DIL. When DIL picked her up she has an angry meltdown, calls me filthy names, in front of GD .says we are cut off. DS son believes everything she says , and apparently she says a lot, lies and fabrications of her mind..

There is also a 5 y/o grandson, that we have kept a lot and really miss very much.
I have called and text my son but he does not answer.

I feel a deep sense of loss.


Please re-read the Forum Agreement. No profanity or any symbolic representation of profanity is allowed. We all know what you are referring to when you describe "name calling." (I've posted a correction.) Thanks.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


These things are heart-wrenching to read.  I've often wondered how many DIL will one day - despite their certainty it'll never apply to them - have a DIL that says the same of them as they're now saying about their MIL.  I'm sorry for what you're going through.  Keeping you in prayer.


Yes, it can be pretty tough. We seem to have about an equal number of MILs and DILs who raise havoc. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama