July 22, 2019, 09:54:06 am


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DIL seems retaliation

Started by StainedGlassHeart, July 20, 2010, 09:26:24 am

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I originally posted in the Grandchild section 'had to call authorities.'  I have had no contact with my son and DIL since the incident occurred.  Someone has shared with me that my son's girfriend/wife? (not sure) is now planning on going to authorities to falsely accuse me of theft of an item she gave to me for my birthday! This DIL also has asked a relative of mine to come with her and falsely accuse me of taking my relative's possessions.  My relative lost her job and moved in with my son and DIL.  My relative asked me to store her things for her-I did so a while back. 

The DIL has also plastered lies about me all over the internet, evidenced by what I have seen myself, witnessed by friends of mine, and subjective information given to me.  The DIL is boasting that she knows my address, and in fact has posted on a website-"i know where you live, and there's nothing you can do about that,' with a long chain of hahahahs.   The DIH also attmepted to get my home address on 3 occasions right after I had to call the authorities-a relative shared with me the DIL was in my hometown that same time frame.  A troubling text message was sent to a close friend of mine from my son/DIL, asking for my address.  My friend would not give it-the reply was a test that read M-9-does anyone here know what M-9 means?  From what we have researched, it only has one reference. 
My DIH has police records from her early teens, according to one conversation with the mother of the DIL.  The DIL mother has a long history of mental illness, stated by my son and DIL, and I suspect my DIL has signs of mental illness as well. I am very concerned about the safety of my grandson, myself, and other family members. 
I am trying to problem solve on how to approach this.  There is primarily subjective information-Objective information is what carries weight and validity.  If I go to the police, I have concern that they may dismiss my concerns as not valid or they may be unable to help me.  Also, I am a mandated reporter and a professional person.  does anyone kow how a person in this position can be protected from retaliation ? I need some direction in this matter.  Thanks for your help


What would it hurt to go discuss this with the cop-shop?  Copy out your emails and all the internet postings to take with you (along with the "gift" she is accusing you of stealing, you may just want to leave it in their care).  They may not be able to do anything at this time....but you would have started some dialog with them and made them aware of your concerns.  Get a card from who you talk to for referral....if this girl and her mother go so far as to make a false statement, you could refer the other cops to them.  It sounds like you are going to have to be a bit pro-active with these people and cover your bases first.


Thinking of you during this stressful, painful time. The truth will out, as they say...best wishes for a quick resolution to this nightmare.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


I have no solution but I hear you and I care. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


opt out of it completely....take care of yourself and do the best you can to stay away fromt he entire problem.  Your son is a grown man, and if he is putting his own child in harms way then shame on him....however....while I feel  your pain and am sending good thoughts and love for an end to all of this...you and only you have the power to end it and you must, otherwise great consequences will arise from you trying to prove your innocence and your DIL's true self.  Let it all play out as it must and will regardless and stay out of it, for the sake of everyone concerned, including your career. 

Don't answer her phone calls, emails and/or any other thing that she does...do not retaliate in any way, however, I will suggest that you definately keep all evidence logged of phone calls, emails etc.  If someone is harrassing you and you contact them back you have no legal ground...what so ever....

In the end, as someone else said, the truth will over come...but for now, it is out of your hands....
and if you respond to her in any way, and she is keeping these correspondences from you, she could damage you gravely.

Just my thoughts

come here and vent, but don't respond to her again....is my suggestion.


Amen, Creme! People are what they are and they do what they do until they don't. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

Stained Glass Heart, I feel your pain. 

Here's my suggestion - don't have any contact with her - do not reply to emails, phone calls, nothing at all.  I would not contact the police, if they should come to you, they will have to have some evidence.  I have seen people like this talk about going to the police, but they are not credible and the police will recognize this in a heartbeat and start keeping an eye on THEM.

I would however get a new telephone number (a prepaid phone costs $20 a month and get a new email address - I would move all the contacts (whose who won't have anything to do with your son and his family) and isolate the previous phone number and email address so that they are the only people who might use them to try to reach you.  This way when the phone rings you know it isn't them, and when an email comes in, you won't see their names on the screen.  This shouldn't cost much money and you can point out to the police if they should ever arrive that you wished to protect your privacy from someone who wasn't trustworthy.  Document everything 6 ways to Sunday and have other people document it so you have witnesses in the case of "she said-she said".

As for the lies, I had to combat some vicious lies that my ex told my employer and everyone else when we divorced.  The lies were so horrible that some of the people wouldn't repeat them to me.  At the time I was terrified that others would judge me and believe him.  A very wise woman told me "What fools believe is no concern of mine", and over the years, I have held my head up high and walked through the thicket of lies that a number of fools have thrown around.  It can take some time, but the people who respect you are keeping their thoughts to themselves and won't let some nonsense bother them, and they will respect you even more for the dignity that you carry yourself in the face of a malicious set of circumstances.

As the old saying goes "A lie goes halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on it's pants".

The British say "Keep calm and carry on"........what about consider moving about 500 miles away, perhaps a new job in another city? with a raise thrown in for a bonus?  If you are a reporter, you can start writing a book......fiction of course, perhaps a screenplay that you could sell to Hollywood for a million $$.

"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown


I've spent a lot of time with you this evening, and you probably think I'm an interfering bossy old know it all, but I am truly touched by your plight.  This post is alarming.  Please try not to worry that your DIL's accusations and retaliations will be taken seriously by the police.  They see retaliation against family members who report neglect of children all the time, and in truth having your son and DIL arrested and their baby removed from them was probably a horribly scary and frightening time for them.  Your relationship will probably never recover (not that I think you were wrong, I think you were right). 

I am glad they live far away.  Please take copies of their threats to the police.  Not much they can do at this point, however you may be a protected group civil rights wise if you are sick enough or elderly enough (elder abuse, etc...) and they actually may be able to do something. In my jurisdiction they would send a CPS person to the abuser's house with a police officer (both dressed in the country sheriff's uniforms which is authoritative) and they will have a talk that WILL set a person who threatens STRAIGHT.  And they might send a police car around to cruise your neighbor hood more often or sit infront of your house to eat or write their reports. 

I think it's time to be a black hole.  Do not contact those people under any circumstances, even in a medical emergency.  If your son must know something have another relative call.  Also change your phone number and block your Facebook page.    Put distance between you and your son and his family.  ANd please get help not because something is wrong with you, but because toxic people like your son and DIL poison the people they have contact with and you need help building defenses and repairing the damage they did to you.