Author Topic: Solution when all else fails  (Read 197 times)

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Offline Long time in the making

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Solution when all else fails
« on: September 03, 2018, 08:12:28 PM »
This is my first time on this site and am so grateful that my therapist recommended it.  I have tried everything known to connect with my youngest daughter.  She uses my grandchildren to hurt me in any way possible.  She has told them that I don't love them and don't want to see or communicate with her or them.  I would give my life to have the opportunity to see them and have a relationship with them.  She met and married a wealthy man while in college and as long as I was giving much financial support to them, they treated me well.  When my money ran out and I am now in my 70"s, she wants no communication with me or a relationship with me of any kind.  She lies about any and every thing imaginable.  I raised her and her older sister on my own and held 2 and sometimes 3 jobs so that they would fit in with their "rich friends."  Her father is wealthy and money is everything to him, hence, she is the same way.  He refused to help support her when she was growing up and never helped with her education, necessities such as clothing, medical etc. and wouldn't help with the expenses of a huge wedding.  I bought her a car when she went away to college, paid for an apartment off campus, and gave her everything that I could.  When she lived at home, she was a sweet, kind, considerate and loving young lady.  She never got into any trouble, obeyed all the rules, and made excellent grades and I was so proud of the young woman that she was at that time.  Then she met her husband and everything went south from then on.  She converted to a different religion and that was the beginning of the end.  When she married, I was the only person from her side of the family that supported her choice even though I didn't agree with it.  It was her decision to make and I told her that I didn't think it was the right choice but I never stuck my nose into her business.  After all she was now an adult and needed to make her own choices.  I never gave advice unless she asked for it but she never wanted my advice so I kept everything to myself.  She lies about everything.  If her lips are moving, then she is lying!  She has called me every name that I have ever heard of. When all of this started I had a nervous breakdown because I just didn't understand where it was coming from.  She has told me in no uncertain terms that she is ashamed of me because I am not wealthy, and that as far as she is concerned I do not exist.  Dealing with it all is so very hurtful.  Now that my life is coming to an end, she keeps trying to inflict pain onto me.  4 years ago I was in a terrible accident and just barely lived.  She told me (in a text) that she wished that I would have died.  Since then I have had 3 surgeries 4 cancer, brain surgery due to injury in the accident, and 5 other surgeries.  Now am scheduled for more surgery this month.  I have tried to let go but just when I think I have, she does something else to remind me of her hatred for me.  All is not lost however.  I have moved and have not told her where I am and have found a way to end all of the heartache!!  I found a picture of her that was taken while she was in college, put into a small box, and have symbolically buried her.  I went to a place that we used to go, dug a hole, and put the box into it and covered it up.  I laid a rose on top of the ground at the site said a prayer 4 her and walked away.  She has told me 4 27 years that she wished I were dead.  Now When I think of her I only think of the good times that we had and NEVER think of the bad.  I prefer to remember her as the beautiful young girl that she was when she lived at home.  This might not work 4 some people however it has worked for me.  I am now at peace with myself and happy for the first time in almost 30 years.  I had been a psychiatric nurse all my life and did ok for myself and my daughters and now am at peace and can start living again, happy in the decisions that I make.  When her name comes up in conversations I only speak of the beautiful, loving, sweet girl that she once was.  I still love her very much however she is toxic 4 me to be around.  Daughter, I love you.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2018, 08:34:41 PM by luise.volta »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2018, 08:44:29 PM »
Welcome. We ask all new members to go to out HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.


Thank you for you post! What a long journey and how amazing you are to have found peace. Your post will inspire many. I am deeply touched by your willingness to share it with us. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2018, 08:29:01 PM »
Wow --- your story brought a tear to my eye.  What a great solution you found to gain serenity in your life.  We could all learn something from your story.  Thank you so much for sharing it with us.  One thing that I took away from it is your focus on the goodness in your daughter as you remember her from the past. I'm guilty of sometimes focusing on the negative with my adult kids. Would that we were all remembered for the best we presented to the world. Wishing you continued peace and lightness on your journey.   :)

Offline Long time in the making

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2018, 09:10:26 AM »
I was so inspired by your post.  Sometimes when we try everything that we can think of and just through up our hands and hope that some day things will change, we still are miserable that the child that we have always loved with all of our heart and soul will finally see that we did the very best that we could at the time.  What I did was my way of putting the situation behind me and find peace in the small amount of time that I have left!  Amazingly, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and can now feel free to enjoy the rest of my life.  My solution isn't for everyone however it was either that or be miserable for the rest of my life.  I wanted to smile again and enjoy my friends.  I wanted to "stop and smell the roses" so to speak.  I felt that 27 years was long enough to wait and to know in my heart that I had tried everything else and nothing ever got better.  Life is so much better now and I enjoy all the little things that life has to offer. I'm thankful every day for the idea that popped into my head. The peace and contentment are amazing and I wish the very same thing for you.  We all have a purpose in life and it is so satisfying to finally find mine.  Good luck and bless you in your quest, whatever it may be.  Love and prayers to you.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2018, 10:35:17 AM by luise.volta »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2018, 10:42:17 AM »
Two minor modifications in your post. Our Forum Agreement states that we do not refer to our belief systems in any way. There are so many and there are those that have none. In this way we try to respect all.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Long time in the making

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2018, 02:51:02 PM »
So sorry about the mistake.  I didn't mean to offend anyone and it won't happen again.  Thank you for making me aware.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Solution when all else fails
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2018, 03:17:13 PM »
You're fine...we're just careful to try to keep our e-door open to everyone. Thank you fr understanding.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama