Author Topic: Help me please.  (Read 438 times)

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Offline MrsGinger

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Help me please.
« on: May 01, 2018, 10:24:36 PM »
Due to our home burning down a little over a year ago, we had to buy a used trailer and put it on a lot behind my youngest son's home. He owns the land. My DIL never has been a big fan of mine and my sons relationship. To make a long story as short as I can and still get the point across. My Son and DIL told me when we moved out here there was 3 certain people that could not be on the property. About a month and a half ago one of them people came to visit me he is my nephew. Anyhow I know that I should have asked him to leave, but I didn't . I messaged my son and told him that my nephew had been here but was not here long.
   My son totally blew up at me. He will not respond to me in anyway at all. This is breaking my heart. He and his wife have 5 of my grandchildren that I was used to seeing almost daily, especially the 5 year old twin girls, they would come every day after school for a few hours. Now he will not even allow me to see them, and my DIL plays mind games with me. She is extremely Bipolar and will not stay on her medication. When she takes her meds as prescribed she is very nice to me. but lately she has been very mean and spiteful.
        This is literally destroying me inside. I love and Miss my son so much.. And needless to say the grand kids are sad and do not understand why they can't visit anymore... Please tell me what I can/should do.. Also we have been asked to move our trailer off the land... :(
Karly

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Help me please.
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2018, 05:20:04 AM »
Greetings MrsGinger and welcome!!  I moved your topic to a more appropriate area of the website where you will hopefully get more feedback.  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We're a monitored Website. Thanks in advance!  Also you might want to change your profile name to one that is less recognizable so others who might roam through will not know who you are.

There are many of us who have had issues with our DILs and I am one of them.  My DIL is also bipolar and that does make the situation even more difficult since everything I did was amplified and vilified and spread around her entire family.  People I hardly know are out there thinking that I am the worst person on earth. I found that there was absolutely no way for me to fix it even though I tried for months, cried much of that time, and came close to ruining my relationship with my DH.  I finally gave up.  It was not easy and it did feel like I was abandoning my DS.  The only way that I could give up was by stepping back and realizing that I no longer enjoyed my DS's presence.  When I was around him I was constantly worried that I would make things worse so I could not be myself.  It was just horrible and I suddenly wondered why I was constantly wanting to be around someone who made me feel that way?  So I stopped.  Yep.  I just stopped and starting working on the relationships I had that made me happy.

It was a wonderful time of transition.  Yes, it hurt when I thought of my DS and yes, I missed him, but I finally realized that the person I missed was gone and he was not coming back.  The person I missed was the son who listened to me and obviously loved me and , well, evidently my DIL resented my DS being that person so he could not please both of us.  I cannot fault him for choosing to please his wife, that is his job and my DH showed him how to do it for years.  My job was to focus on the things that made me and my DH happy.

It was difficult but every time I thought of my DS and his situation I told my self two things:
1) "No news is good news"
2) "What you focus on expands"

So the more I turned my thoughts from the hopeless situation with my DS to the promising relationship with my DH the better my life became.  Eventually, when I became a non issue in my DS's marriage, my DS was forced to look at his marriage for himself and he is gradually realizing that perhaps he chose poorly.  Whether they stay together or not is none of my business but he visits now and I am getting to know the man he has become and I am exceedingly proud of him.  The son I knew before he got married is gone but the man he turned into is incredible.  It was essential that I distance myself from my DS to allow him to mature enough to take the reins and responsibility for his life into his own hands.  It took a lot of trust and it hurt so much but it made a huge difference in his life and in our relationship.  Now he and I are two adults who love each other and any comments I have are looked on by him as just suggestions which is perfect.

The biggest thing (and the hardest thing) was to manage to disengage and trust that I raised a son who was smart enough to handle his life his way and learn his own lessons.  My job of parenting is over and I have no real influence over my DS's life.  Life goes on and at least for me it gets better!

Hugs from all of us!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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