Author Topic: Alone at Christmas  (Read 749 times)

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Offline Sad sue

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Alone at Christmas
« on: January 05, 2018, 06:21:35 AM »
My adult children celebrated Christmas and I was not invited. Evidently I am this horrible shrew of a woman that puts them down, and criticizes their father, who can’t hold a job, and has even lost his medical liscense. I drank my divorce away, In 2004. I was a horrible mother during that time, my youngest was 16 then, put myself in rehab and never looked back. My kids will never let it go, and is still the reason they treat me poorly now. I was even left homeless on the street due to their dad’s unemployment, to ‘teach me to be better with my money.’ It’s been 2 years and I still haven’t gotten over it. After 2 days in a train station, I went to a nearby hospital and said I was suicidal so I could get admitted for a few days. After which my brother took me in for a few weeks till I got my feet on the ground. They feel this was ‘tough love’ that I desperately needed. I feel completely abandoned, I don’t know if I can remain in contact with kids that even leave me out of my daughters baby shower.

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Alone at Christmas
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2018, 07:31:38 AM »
Sad Sue, welcome!! We ask that you look over the posts in the "Open Me First" section and pay close attention to the forum agreement to be sure that we are a good fit for you.  We are a monitored website.

I gave your post its own heading since I am sure that there will be several replies and I wanted to be sure all these wonderful women who helped me so much would find it and chip in their words of wisdom!  We like to be a site where you take what works for you and leave the rest.  Some of us come back often to re-read posts and find new wisdom that we did not see the first time.

As for your post I have actually felt suicidal, and not just to get three meals and a bed, so I know where you are coming from.  The only way I got out of that was to stop looking to someone else to make me happy.  Happiness is, after all, more of a comparison of conditions than an actual state.  If you have been stuck out in the rain for a while then just having shelter makes you happy, if you live in a desert then a rainstorm can make you ecstatic.  So I started looking at things in a different way.  Instead of being upset that I was left out of things I started thinking how happy I was to not be around my DIL (trust me, that part was easy!) and I started thinking about how much easier it was on me to avoid those situations.  I started planning other things during the time when something was happening.  Other things that I enjoyed doing.  Hikes, canoe trips, camping trips..anything I enjoyed.  Then instead of sitting at home moping I was out having fun.  I also found that the more I enjoyed myself the more other people enjoyed being around me and the better my life got.

I wish you luck.  It sounds to me like you are better off without your ex and anyone who would hand out that kind of "tough love" is not someone to whom I would want to give gifts.  I spend my money where it is most appreciated. 

Take care of yourself and know that we are on your side. Hugs.
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline luise.volta

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Re: Alone at Christmas
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2018, 11:01:46 AM »
Welcome, S. I second the post SL offered you!


What I learned when I was in a somewhat similar situation, was to move away from what others were up to...over to where I had a choice. I chose to let go of my expectations which no one had an obligation to honor, to what I could create that would bring me joy. I got that I mattered. A lot. Because I said so! I shifted my focus from those who weren't supportive to those that respected me and to doing what made me smile. Somewhere I read that 'what we focus on expands and what we ignore contracts'. My whole life changed direction when I did that. Hugs to you!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Alone at Christmas
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2018, 01:40:56 PM »
Hi Sue,
Welcome to WWU.  So sorry about your situation, but glad you found us.  I second the wise posts by Luise and StillLearning.  It might be time to face a new direction.  You've survived a lot, and you have a lot to offer other people.  It just might be a matter of finding those other people and situations.  Wishing you all the best.  ((Hugs))

Offline Sad sue

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Re: Alone at Christmas
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2018, 06:09:47 PM »
Thank you all for ur suggestions. I do agree it’s time for me to be responsible for my own happiness, and stop relying on others, especially my kids.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Alone at Christmas
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2018, 06:12:25 PM »
For me, it was easier said than done. So stay with us, if you are so inclined, as you take it on...and keep us posted. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama