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My son is making me feel guilty

Started by nikncon, November 21, 2017, 07:17:44 pm

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nikncon

Hello.I was a member several years ago.I always enjoyed this group especially Luise.Hi .It's  Nikncon.Things have gotten better,
.DS has a new job,new condo,new town,new puppy.DH and I helped with the move in Aug.Now near Christmas.DS emails me and says to forget Christmas exists.We went to Florida for several years.We don't anymore.DS says that we were in Florida for several years .He was always invited down and came once.We always celebrated with him before we left.I feel guilty now because my new husband of eighteen years did go away mostly after Christmas.I was so hoping to have him and his puppy here with us.Should zi reply to his email .What Should I say? His dad passed away when he was 24.His young brother two years later at twenty one.Two suicides.I feel awful.Help.

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luise.volta

Welcome back, Nik. We are always here for you! What comes up for me is my own experience of my eldest son's criticism. I honestly thought it was about me and anguished over having not done things 'right'. Looking back I know it was his job as an adult to work through his childhood issues. We all have them. He chose to focus on the past instead of the present...and on my humanness as well as his dad's. We were a garden-variety family with normal ups and downs.

Parental blame for some has great appeal because it carries with it the denial of responsibility. It supports the illusion that if we had done things differently life would be perfect, the consequences that come with poor choices wouldn't exist and no lessons would need to be learned.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

I am back.

Thanks.Luisa.You are right.He is acting like a child.I just emailed him and said I love you. :)So nice to get some great advice from a special lady.

Bamboo2

Hi Nikncon,
I recognize your name from the archives, which I read extensively when I first joined WWU two years ago.  Sorry that your DS  sent you that email.  You responded perfectly!  I wish you all the best!

nikncon

I received another email from DS.He said that we were welcome to spend Christmas with him at his condo.It's going to be a lot of work for me.I'm bringing the meal. Lol Anyone cook their turkey on Christmas Eve??? I have never done this but going to his place an hour away,bringing dinner and all the trimmings.I'll be tired before we get there.I do want to spend the day with him and it's his first invitation since DS doesn't usually celebrate Christmas.Any suggestions? We have a big house which will be all decorated.

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luise.volta

What great news! I would ask him if he would enjoy being your guest at a local restaurant for your Christmas Day Dinner? First, I'd get on the Internet to see what was open close to him...to be able to offer a suggestion or two. Then everyone would get to relax and have a good time. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

nikncon

Thanks Luise.In Canada it would be a miracle to find restaurant open on Christmas Day.That's the reason thvat I'm cooking.Oh well!! I'm looking for a recipe to cook the turkey the day before.Hubby Can carve it and I ll take the stuffing out of it and wrap in foil pan.I'll make meat pies a few days before.Salad and gravy can be made at his condo as the mashed potatoes.Do I sound excited?? Well I am. :)

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