Hi Pen, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

. I want to give you a big hug! You deserve better!
I understand your dilemma where either speaking up or putting up can cause discomfort, and may lead to more grief. This was my experience in my first marriage, though the issues were about control and the silent treatment.
Like Marina, I went to therapy as well, first with him and then alone, although in my case I had one foot out the door after 10 years, and was pretty bitter about the treatment I had put up with. I've wondered if I had seen this therapist earlier in our marriage, while I was still fully committed, if my first husband and I could have come up with better communication strategies.
Marina had a very key line: it helps to have someone in my corner to help me see some blind spots. My therapist opened my eyes, or rather led me to open my eyes, and see that what I was experiencing was not acceptable. None of my family members did, although they did not see everything. I know they worried privately.
I think that a good therapist can shine a light on what problem areas you might have and help create a plan for dealing with them. Help with word choice and action choice so you can have some consistency and not back down. As with so many things, it might get worse before it gets better, but you will have drawn the line about how you want to be treated, and deserve to be treated. It's a gift you give to yourself.
You're a gem, Pen!

PS. Marina, your post is golden!