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My son

Started by Metravelbum, November 23, 2016, 04:16:57 pm

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Metravelbum

Hello All,

This is my first time here, and I have thumbed through a cascade of posts, not yet identifying my own problem, which I may do at another time. I want to thank each of you who contributes to this forum, as I feel better knowing that I am not alone in my struggle with my As.  I am hopeful of the future, only because I simply cannot choose to see it any other way.  I may be very disappointed, eventually, I don't know.  What I do know, however, is that we are all parents.  We have all done our best, given what we know, to raise our children to be happy, successful and loving human beings. The key words being "given what we know."  That is all one can expect of one's self.  I have an adult son who is an addict.  I blamed myself for an eternity, however, I did my best to teach him to steer clear of drugs and people who used them. It was not my fault. It was no one's fault. He chose to go that path. He has never accepted responsibility... it was always the fault of someone else or some situation. The bottom line, in my mind is that we give birth to our beautiful children, raise them the best we know how, and the decisions they make, the attitudes they develop, the behaviors they mimic are not always a product of how we raised them, but rather a combination of genetics coupled with our rearing. We cannot judge ourselves too harshly.  Tomorrow I will give thanks for the good in my life and make a promise to myself to move forward.  I wish the same for you all.

luise.volta

Welcome, M. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We're a monitored Website.

We have had other members who have faced what you are up against. I'm sure you will be hearing from them. My eldest son hated me and blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life and the world at large...so I'm familiar with that part of it. He died of a sleep apnea stroke when he was 52, I am 90. He never got past it and that still bothers me at times, even though he has been gone for 16 years. I tripped over my very reasonable, as in 'garden variety, expectations for a long time. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Mtnlady

Hi M, I think you will find that this is a great forum filled with wise women who have experienced it all.  I'm sure you did the best you could with your son which is all we, as humans, can only do.  Take good care of yourself.  Accept the reality and move on.   This is all I can offer on this holiday eve when things seem worse than ever.  It is just another day and understand that one should not get too attached to the results of one actions.  There is a reason for everything.  Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

Marina

HI, M.  I would be interested in hearing more of your story and what brings you here.  I had a rocky relationship with my DS during his teenage years but was relieved when we came out at the end liking each other.  I even learned DS admired and respected me for what I went through to support us and raise him.  Long story short, his loyalty is now with his controlling, manipulative wife, the mother of my GC, who is willing to be (takes pleasure in) abusive to see me gone.  I finally jumped my last hoop and decided nothing was worth the abuse.  It's very sad to see DS acclimated to the craziness of his wife and life.  My life has become more peaceful and manageable since I disengaged.  This is still pretty new for me so I have a lot to figure out. 

Bamboo2

Welcome, Metravelbum.  I'm sorry for the heartache you've most certainly endured.  I've read a mountain of posts here on WWU and gleaned so many pearls of wisdom that I started writing some of them down. It has given me comfort many a time since then, and I've been propped up emotionally just knowing these strong women have made it through struggles and come to terms with the losses and disappointments they've experienced.  You will, too.  It sounds like you are on the journey already!

BTW, I read and sometimes reread excerpts from a book called Letting Go of Our Adult Children by Arlene Harder.  It is her story of coping with (and eventually letting go of) her adult son's alcoholism, drug use and homelessness.  It is an old book (1994) and no longer in print, but can still be found on Amazon.  Her story has had a big influence on me and I gained a lot of insights, although my adult daughter's issues are very different.  The process of letting go is still the same.

Happy Thanksgiving!