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I realized something recently about moving on

Started by Green Thumb, March 22, 2016, 07:27:31 pm

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Green Thumb

I think I have mentioned that I went back to earn a master's degree starting in January. It is hard. I had to stop working because of how hard this program is and because of a family member needing caregiving -- so income is down. I was afraid to do this for years and years. Finally the light bulb went off or I finally heard the divine wisdom or something and I took the very frightening plunge. I was frightened and anxious before school started. Should I do this? Am I too old? Can I still REMEMBER things like the 25 year olds?

But what I learned is that I needed a new start, a new focus, to really get moving on with my life. Now I am too busy and too excited about learning to be mired in the sorrow of my alienated adult children, their father's abuse, etc. Today I realized I now have a life, a new life, and am getting positive vibes and communication from other students. I am not merely the sad mother without a mothering role, I am not the "out law" or the ignored or verbally abuse mother. In class today, my classmate in family counseling class wanted to work with me on our in class assignment because "you always have great family dynamics stories". I laughed! Felt good for once, rather than being the pitiful mother with hateful kids, the mean in-laws, being the ignored one.

I realize not everyone can or wants to go back to school but we can all find a hobby, join a club,  volunteer or do something new that brings positive people into our lives. Do something that brings us out of our comfort zone and into blessings from other people who like us and treat us well. It is far easier perhaps to stick to our old routines, I know how this was me for quite a few years as I am really an introvert at heart.


Good for you, G.! You have brought a great deal to this forum and are you are making a difference with classmates. You are also the kind of student that professors love. Awake/aware. You matter! When we constantly hear that we don't matter, something in us starts to believe it and it can break our spirit. Reinventing yourself is taking time, effort and focus. You just don't have anything left to waste on the issues and foibles of others. My hat is off to you!

I have been ill the last two years with several issues not uncommon to those of us that are leaving our 80s behind. I saw something on my retirement campus that wasn't working and went to staff with a solution. I also volunteered to create and maintain a system that would resolve it. They took me up on it and think I am the answer to prayer. Funny, that's what I think they are! Have the medical issues disappeared? No. Do I focus on them any longer? Nope, I don't have the time. Hugs to you...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


The talent here is remarkable! Good for you both, GT & Luise. I'm recently retired from a job I used to love but that became stressful and demeaning. Now I'm bashing around trying to find my new vocation & having a lot of fun learning new skills. We're smart, valuable, creative, hardworking women. The world is lucky to have us and could use more like us, IMO  :D
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Green Thumb, hats off to you.  Isn't it great to be fully absorbed in something that is just for yourself?  And to get recognition from young people has to be just icing on the cake!!  After our dear son leaves the nest in a year I hope to get back to foreign language study. I love to audit classes with 20 somethings  :)

Luise, you're such a generous person, giving of yourself so openly and honestly.  And Pen, I agree that we WW have great gifts to share.....glad to hear that you are discovering and enhancing yours.

Trailblazing Girl, you are so right that we need to break out of the mother role and embrace our personhood, as we did before we had kids.  There is a rich and rewarding life on this side, too.  Maybe even more so, because we have learned a few things since then!


["you always have great family dynamics stories". I laughed! Felt good for once, rather than being the pitiful mother with hateful kids, the mean in-laws, being the ignored one.]  ;D

Isn't it strange how we forget what a compliment actually feels like after a long period of what I will call family neglect. That feeling of being worthless to everyone can put one foot in the grave. I admire you Green Thumb for picking yourself up and moving not only onward, but upward as well.
I have taken advice from ladies here and I am using my money to start a business rather than in a will. So far more spending than earnings, but I am enjoying myself. I have spent a life pinching pennies and planned to leave a bit of inheritance for my AC. But now I don't concern myself with that. I am doing what I please and if there is nothing left-oh well! I now have a purpose to get up everyday and things to look forward to. So when those holidays come along now- like Mother's Day- I am to busy to be concerned with the fact that my family is not in my life as I had expected they would be. It doesn't mean it still does not cross my mind or heart, but it is more fleeting because I have other things to think about.  :D


Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


I second that! And I might just follow that great example of putting money into projects or ventures that have a special place in our hearts, rather than saving all of it to give to AC.  I don't think it benefits most of us to get a lot of money that we haven't earned, anyway. Not saying that I don't want to leave my AC anything, but hope to spend it down to a reasonable amount by enjoying my remaining years with DH, and by contributing to or investing in causes we believe in.

Green Thumb

Long ago, I offered some furniture to my AD, who is not nice. She got married and we downsized and I asked her did she still want it. Cause I figured there would be Hades to pay if I didn't. So yes she did and she and her new hubby came to my town to get it. I had another AC come over for a visit while she was her. Urghhh!!! What do you do when you can't stand the behavior of your AC???? This mean, semi-estranged AD just verbally berated the sibling until the poop hit the fan. I was saying cut it out, her hubby was giggling, and the sibling left early in anger.  I told this AD she was mean but she had no shame she drove her sibling away. She was very happy. It was very upsetting and I was so mad I went to bed at 9 pm!