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There's still "happy" despite the sad... you just have to look for it

Started by PatiencePlease, November 17, 2015, 06:44:13 pm

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PatiencePlease

In short, my mom is slowly dying from cancer.  She lives with my dad in their house.  They've been married 68 years.  I live out of state but happily do take many road trips to spend days with them at a time.  (Family does live close by to my parents  -- together we are able to cover my parents' needs)

Mom's mind -- which at one time was amazingly sharp and could recall every single mistake I made (and dated) from years ago -- is failing her now.  She often bickers with my dad about day-to-day stuff due to her growing confusion.  Dad gets frustrated and angry with her and bickers back.  It could (and sometimes does) go on and on....

This last visit I witnessed something so very sweet...  At 2:30 in the morning when my mom needed assistance in the bathroom, my dad was at her side, gently talking with her and helping her along until she is able to go back to sleep again. 

And that is where I found the light among this ugly darkness.  My parents' long term love has been amazing and continues to inspire.

Just had to share this and I am so happy this site has a place for the "miscellaneous" -- the stuff life is made of. 

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Bamboo2

Thank you for sharing that sweet story, Patience.  It is especially timely as we look forward to Thanksgiving.  We would all be fortunate to have a loving person to care for us in times of need.  I wish you and your parents well!

Pen

Hi, PP  :)

Thanks for sharing this beautiful vignette of a loving moment. Finding the sweetness during this difficult time makes it a bit more bearable. Your mom is in good hands with you, your dad and the rest of your family. May we all be so blessed!

I know how hard it can be; I nursed my mom who died of cancer forty years ago. She was cranky sometimes, too...and sometimes it got to me even though I knew she wasn't herself.

Take care of yourself, too,
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

PatiencePlease

Falling Off a Log

This week's visit to my parents' house included recording history, at the request of their grandchildren,  on an audio recorder:  "How did Grandma & Grandpa meet?"  My parents were willing and ready to talk about their courtship and marriage. 

When asked what the secret was to their 68 year marriage, my mom responded "we always laugh."  My father responded "Love, L-O-V-E." and then added "Loving your mother was very easy - it was as easy as falling off a log."

Now that's a different perspective.  lol  Once again, as my mother noted, we laughed.  :)

Pen

What a wonderful story, PP! I love it when young people are interested in old people and their histories. My DS has recently become "re-interested" as an AC. I had been concerned that our family history would be lost, but I didn't want to force the issue. On his own he's been asking questions and wanting to see photos & memorabilia. Yay!

"We always laugh" is a great quote. I feel lucky that my DH has a good sense of humor - living with me, he needs it  :D Loving me isn't exactly as easy as "falling off a log." I require a bit of work, lol.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Bamboo2

Patience, that phrase conjured up a humorous image of a hapless man frantically peddling his legs to balance on a log in a northern forested lake, and finally back peddling  and plunging into the icy spring water.  ???  What humorous and poignant memories and turns of phrase will be recorded. I'd be tempted to transcribe some favorites to share with other members of the family.  How gratifying to know that their GC are initiating this pursuit of family history.  My young adult niece was asking family history questions of my mom, her grandma, over the holidays, and we each learned something new.  It is heartening to know that some adult children really do care about family history. 

My DH has the gift of self-effacing humor that really drew me to him when we first met 20 years ago. That ability to poke fun at himself works well with our know-it-all teen son, who consistently laughs at DHs humor but not a lot else these days....at least not in front of us.  The ability to laugh together diffuses tension and binds us closer. 

Pooh

I love that Patience!

My hubby once told me that loving me was like being bloated with shrimp and grits.   ???

Somehow, that's not as romantic sounding as yours.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

OK, now I'm picturing a bloated man rapidly peddling on a log, trying in vain not to fall off.

Yum, shrimp & grits! lol
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

PatiencePlease

Thank you everyone for your comments.  Laughter IS the very best medicine.

Bamboo2

You are so right, Patience.  I'm having a tough day, so it is good to remember to practice self-care and watch a couple of episodes of DH's and my favorite comedy that always provokes some good laughs!  Thanks for the reminder  ;)