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My daughter hasn't talked to me in years

Started by Pearls, September 27, 2015, 11:07:20 am

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Pearls

I still do not have a relationship with my oldest daughter, now 23. The breakup of my marriage left her hating me and siding with her dad. People have told me she'll come around, but it's been over 8 years and she still shuns me. My other children are friendly with her, me, and their dad.

I've been on this site before and some people have pointed out that she may never let me back in her life. I realize this but I hate to give up. I'd like to reach out to her, again, and tell her the door continues to be open. Any advice? I continue to be brokenhearted even though I put on a brave face.

Pen

P, so sorry you are still estranged from your DD. It's heartbreaking. I think an open door policy is good, but without expectations that are only going to hurt you more if they aren't met. Focus on the AC who are still in your life...you can't change anyone else's behavior, only your reaction to their behavior (said the original WW, Luise herself!) (((hugs)))
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

My take is she knows the door is open. For me, the next step after brokenhearted was acceptance that my son was an adult and got to make his own choices...and...that fulfilling my very minimal expectations wasn't of interest to him. I got stuck in self-pity and the unfairness for way too long but I think we all have our own time table. I finally found the self respect to move on. The situation hasn't changed but I have. I guess I just got that I deserved better and decided to give it to myself and took away the power I had given him to rule my life. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama