March 18, 2019, 11:46:50 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


back to square one?

Started by Stilllearning, September 23, 2015, 08:05:34 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Stilllearning

When my DS got married 5 years ago the tension between my DS's FOO and my DIL's FOO was palpable.  Once my DS/DIL had their first child things eased off a little.  Now they are having their second child.  I offered to keep my GD during the birth .  My DIL was due in mid October. 

This weekend is a really rare astronomical event.  On Sunday 9/27 we are having a supermoon followed by a lunar eclipse.  The last time this happened was some 30 years ago.  My DH got Monday and Tuesday off so that we could camp on a deserted island not far from here and see this event away from all the city lights.  We have been planning this for a couple of months and we told my DIL about it a couple of week ago.  I was mentioning it in case she went into labor early because I would not be able to drop everything and paddle back to help her. 

Well she talked her OB into inducing labor this Sunday night and Monday morning, before her due date.  So here I am stuck between my DH who wants to go camping and my DS.  It so stinks to be here!!  My DIL won't change her plans and by golly I don't think I will either!  When I was trying to work things out with her she said that if I kept my GD that I would have to make the 45 minute trip (one way) to take my GD to her day care for 5 hours every day.  Lets see, that is 3 hours on the road for me and 5 hours in day care for her.  To me this is just unreasonable and I won't do it.

I am sure tensions will be high again. I guess I just need to accept that I will not be involved. At least I am not all torn up about it anymore.  I have this site to thank for that. Your thoughts????
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Pooh

Well...my thoughts are that you told them about your plans a couple of weeks ago, before they made their plans, so they would be aware that you would not be available during those days.  So since they chose those days, that's on them.  I would continue on with my plans.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

My reaction was 'day care instead of a day with grandma?' I'm with you, too!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Monroe

Hi Still -

Good for you.  One thing I have learned from this board is that we have our own lives - and deserve to do some things we want to do now that our active "mothering" years are over.   I would not skip the eclipse, either.   

And even if she postpones having her labor induced, and you are back from your camping trip before she goes into labor, I would not spend all that driving time to get a toddler to daycare.   

I don't have grandkids, but if I did, I would consider that I was doing the AC a favor by the babysitting, and I would do it in my style.  I would follow directions on major safety matters - such as not sleeping on tummy, not feeding certain foods before the pediatrician said to, etc.  But I would not consider myself a servant who had to chauffeur a toddler to a daycare if it involved 3 hours of driving.  I agree completely with Pooh and Luise.   This is a no-brainer.   Perhaps they will learn to respect you and the fact that you have a life and other things going on in it besides having your world revolve around them. 

Enjoy the eclipse.   :)

Pen

Still, I agree with the others - but is there a chance this would cause you being cut off from your DS & GC forever? Is that what you meant by "not being involved" or were you just talking about not being involved during the birthing time?

The eclipse will be amazing from your island...wish we could join you there :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb