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My Adult Daughter said I am dead to her

Started by Jocelynsuchaldy, August 31, 2015, 08:34:13 pm

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I raised my only child by myself.  She is 33 and I spent the last five years babysitting my Grandson because she said the daycare providers left her in fear of leaving my Grandson with them.  I put my life on hold to move in and become fulltime caretaker for her.  She has gained a lot of weight and I believe has a food addiction and I have at 52 managed to stay in shape.  I feel she has some jealousy issues because she always makes snide remarks on areas that I feel are unnecessary and likes to cut me and other women down every chance she gets but then laughs it off as if she is kidding.  She met a guy and immediately started sleeping with him all the while having female issues such as cysts growing on her uterus, she is taking antidepressants and drinking now with her new drug dealer boyfriend who she says is a really good guy.  I noticed he started staying over every night, walking around in his pajamas with blunts behind his ear, he is an alcoholic.  I told her that I wanted to start looking for a job as I did not like the new living arrangements. 

She was furious and cursed me out so I told her that I would no longer be babysitting and that the new boyfriend could take over my duties.  She knocked the coffee onto me and started punching and scratching me and I just let her because I was so hurt and she had called the police on me and said I attacked her, tried to get me thrown in jail, got a temporary restraining order which was dismissed and harassed me once I got back to the house to leave with nothing but the clothes on my back.  I still have things there which I have insured but she is now refusing to let me see my grandson and told me I am dead to her because I called her a whore.  I actually said she was acting like one because of the number of men she jumps into bed with and the short time in which she does these things.  It has been three months and I have reached out twice and she is still in this evil mode.  I found my grandsons real father throughout all of this and found out that she had illegally taken my grandson out of his birth state and had a warrant for kidnapping on her.  The childs father is just as inept as she is and he only wants to see the child but has no clue on how to be a dad and she refuses to even give him a chance.  I know I was overprotective and maybe I did too much trying to shield her from life and I can admit that but from where all of this hatred comes from towards me I could never fathom.  I don't have a relationship with my own mother because she was an abuser but I never thought I would experience this type of pain after all I did to have a different relationship with my own.  I miss my grandson so much and I hate what we have become, please pray for me and my family and I will pray for you all that God will prick their hearts and that one day we can get past this.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Green Thumb

I am really sorry that you are having such stress with your daughter. She sounds like she has some kind of emotional or mental health issues, which means she is not able to be rational. You can't let someone treat you this poorly, so I applaud what you have done to move out. You may have to contact CPS if your grandchild is in danger, and living with substance abusers is not a pleasant thing. You must now think of yourself, and get back to work, living independently, etc. She is not someone you can count on or live with. I have found Al Anon very helpful in dealing with my loved one who have substance abuse issues, and learning how to stop my own enabling behavior and how to gain back my own dignity and self respect. Because substance abusers often trash our dignity and usually are not respectful. Its the nature of the disease.


Green Thumb, thank you for your kind words.  I had been to this site before while having to deal with an abusive Mother and never would I have ever thought that me and my only child would bring me back with a story to tell.  I am slowly realizing that for whatever reason God let me be removed from my living situation so that my Daughter could be taught some life lessons.  I have come to realize that it would have taken a lot to pry me away from my only child and grandson because I felt and was made to fill I was helping and I was but I was also being used and when I no longer wanted to continue being used I was tossed lot used snot paper.  I am still grieving for my loss but getting stronger everyday.  I did call CPS but the investigator has never made contact but once and I am hoping because there has been no incidents to report.

I know that I can't make this better, it is totally out of my hands and the holidays will be gut wrenching.  She continues to not let me even speak or call my grandson and that makes me sad, I am just staying as busy as possible but just would love to hear from Someone who was in a similar situation and how it turned out and or maybe how to deal with her if she ever wants to reconcile.  We will never have what I thought we had as I will never trust her again and all that she did I can't just blame the pills and liquor but the mental issues I know she has and all I can do now is better myself in case the grandson needs me.  I did manage to go back to school and will (God willing) have my degree this coming July, actually school has been a God send.  Just hoping and praying for those of us who did our best to raise healthy and happy children but ends up getting kicked in the gut.  I enabled her I know but this is the most self entitled me generation I have ever seen in my life.  I believe we are and have over did doing for and giving this generation what we did not have from our parents and did not know when to stop.  Now I see that I need me and I need to be good to myself and never put myself on the back burner for anyone ever again.