Author Topic: need advice about son moving back in  (Read 885 times)

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Offline raindrops_on_my_soul

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need advice about son moving back in
« on: July 12, 2015, 09:08:08 AM »
Ladies I need advice desperately,
 My youngest son that I have spoken about in previous posts has decided that he isn't happy with his wife. He is 28, she is 45. I personally have never really liked her because of the way she has treated me. But all that aside, he has been back here staying with me and my husband (not his father) for a week now and still has not come up with any decision about whether he is leaving her for good or returning back to her. I have asked numerous times. Ladies, don't get me wrong, I love my son, but it is driving me crazy. Me and my husband have been living by ourselves since my son moved out 6 years ago. We are used to doing our own thing and not having to alter things as we just are not used to having someone here all the time. I have had to give up my extra room that I use for internet and reading and such so he can have a room to sleep in. I didn't mind at first, but I had hoped by now he would have decided to go back home to his wife. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I keep waiting for him to say what his plan is and so far it just isn't happening. Now I know things like this can't be rushed, but in the meantime I feel like my life is on hold and I just want my life back. He has made no mention of what he will do if he decides to proceed with a divorce. I don't want to go back to him living here full time like he did before he moved out 6 years ago. Advice ladies please!

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: need advice about son moving back in
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2015, 09:48:28 AM »
Why does whether he goes back to his wife or not have anything to do with this?  The problem is simply that you are growing tired of him living with you.  Period.  So give him a deadline on when he must move out.  Be nice but tell him that the house is just too small and he needs to make other arrangements.  Do not continue to tolerate him in silence because he will get the impression that he can live with you if he gets a divorce and it does not sound like that will be an option. 

Good luck!!
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You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline luise.volta

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Re: need advice about son moving back in
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2015, 02:11:09 PM »
I agree, S. Tell him what you told us. You did your best parenting him and that part of your life is behind you. He's an adult, responsible for his own choices and living arrangements. And...you are thoroughly enjoying your hard earned privacy and freedom.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Green Thumb

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Re: need advice about son moving back in
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2015, 07:14:10 PM »
It is okay to have boundaries with your son, we tend to forget to say how many days we are okay with them staying with us right from the get go. The drama confuses us or we get emotionally upset and don't think it out beforehand. Give him a deadline to move out. If it is just too crowded, it is perfectly fine to say no more and you got two more days. He may leave and return several times so you and your husband may want to decide in advance how much you are willing to put up with, etc. We did this with both my son and stepson. Step son can stay one night, any longer and he is not a good house guest (crazy life style). My son just needed a push out the door to manhood.