Hi everyone, I am brand new to this site and have never, ever posted anything anywhere before. My DS and DIL have been married for 3 years. Although she is very nice and respectful, it appears to me that she is aloof when it comes to being involved with my DH and myself. She is never disrespectful but she will never go out of her way to call (they live 15 mins away), just to see how my day is going or if I would want to go shopping with her etc. I don't call her directly because I feel as if I am bothering her and I honestly don't feel comfortable. I have called her a few times in the past when my DS was away to see if she wanted to come for dinner or needed anything and she always declines. About a year before they were married, I was having a very bad day over a situation that was happening which had nothing to do with my DS or DIL, but they were staying at our home for a few days and my then future DIL witnessed me being upset, I admit it wasn't my finest hour. My DS has then "teased" me during certain occasions telling me my behavior "bothered" DIL. I have apologized to DIL numerous times for that day and she always shrugs it off as being not a big deal. Since then, I have always made a constant effort to be friendly and cheerful around my DIL, but it is clear she is only being pleasant to me out of obligation to my DS. I have asked my DS a few times if his wife hates me, and if so what can I do to improve our relationship?
My inlaws have not always treated me kindly and have said some pretty crappy things to me over the years, but I too, out of respect and obligation, to my DH keep my mouth shut and for the most part deal with it, but I am not close to them and often feel like I am an outsider in the family even after 30+ years of marriage. I do not want my own DIL to feel this way. I want her to love our whole family almost as much as her FOO. Should I just leave it alone and accept that not all DIL are warm and fuzzy and excited to part of another family as well as their FOO?