M., I agree and I think it is also true that some DILs simply can't win; it works both ways.
When I started this forum years ago, it was because I got so many questions on my Website,
www.MomResponds.com , regarding misunderstood MILS. I realized it wasn't a question and answer situation and my venue wasn't suited to address it. I first called my second Website: www. MotherInLawsUnite.com. However, very soon distressed DILs were sharing what they were up against and after a year, I changed the name to
www.WiseWomenUnite.com because we all want the same thing, mutual respect. The dynamics are different but the difficulties are similar...disrespect and all the ramifications of estrangement.
My rules came from my wish to have this be a safe and kind Web-forum. We were, in some way, all hurting when we arrived...we didn't need more abuse. Since it's my site and would cost an arm and a leg, if it wasn't a gift from my son, who created it to my specs and maintains if for us, I get to call the shots. It's kind of a benign dictatorship.

In real life, I am no PolyAnna but if there is no structure chaos can follow. When this site first went up, there was a private message board as part of the software and that eventually became a bashing-behind-the-back opportunity for a few. I asked Kirk to remove that feature, deleted the memberships of those so inclined, and for the most part it has been smooth sailing since then. This is a place to come to be heard and a place where many have healed. That's where my heart lies.