I posted this on SeniorForums.com and was advised to post here also. I am not a woman but who better to ask for wise advice.
Here's one I bet you haven't heard before.
My daughter married a very controlling person. (bi-polar) He would time her showers. She eventually turned to alcohol because of him. She left him when her son was about 3 years old and moved in with me. Nine years of hell later, the alcohol finally killer her at 43 years of age.
Knowing what kind of a person her ex-husband was and in order to keep my grandsons life somewhat normal and what he was used to, I asked my ex-son-in-law to move in with me with his son. (He wasn't working , as usual, and living in a run down crummy apartment.
Here's the problem, as if that isn't enough, my son-in-law feels he has to 'make a man' out of his 13 year old son so, as the controlling person he is, he has made a list of about 15 chores that my grandson must do weekly. If my grandson forgets to do any of these chores or they are not to the liking of my son-in-law, he is punished, which happens like clockwork. If my grandson tries to explain himself, he is punished worse.
For the slightest thing, my grandson gets grounded for weeks on end or looses his TV or notepad etc. Along with this he is also belittled and told 'he has an addictive personality just like his Mother'.
My question: How do I go about handling this? My grandson wants me to intervene but I am walking a tight rope. I don't want to aggravate my son-in-law as I don't want him to move back to some sleasy apartment and take my grandson with him. My grandson would have no one to turn to and loose the only home he knows.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.