Author Topic: I hate Mother's Day  (Read 1692 times)

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Offline Green Thumb

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I hate Mother's Day
« on: April 30, 2015, 06:04:30 PM »
Urghh, I let myself get hopeful this year for no good reason and now I realized that nothing has changed and I am sad that Mother's Day is coming. My estrangement with my ADs has been a little better but neither girl is loving or nice. One is getting married soon and I am not a part of anything even though I have offered to help. Real pity party going on here cause I recently realized their narcissistic father remarried a narcissistic woman who wants my AC to be hers, hers seem to avoid her. And my AC seem to kiss her butt. Hmmm. My in-laws are still alive and they are all hateful and mean and the mother abuses narcotics. I am already projecting and making next weekend a catastrophe. I am depressed and I was doing so well at detaching. My ADs are mean and self centered and I am always tense around them. So why do I let myself get hopeful? Please give me a pep talk.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2015, 06:18:46 PM »
I love the thing about the past being over and the future no here yet. So all there is, is 'Now'.  (Or something like that.) What's your 'now like'...this moment...if you take a close look?

I also love what what a really great counselor said to me me once, "You only have one enemy, Luise...and she's wearing your shoes!"

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline dogmusic

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2015, 11:00:53 AM »
Greenthumb - Do you have a bestie who could go shopping with you, out for lunch, mani/pedi? Whatever you like? Watch your favorite movie? Work on a project? You might think I'm nuts but I ordered some Mother's Day flowers from me to me - LOL! They will look nice on my table and I am looking forward to having them delivered to my door. Not expensive. Proflowers has a deal online for 19.99. Small bunch of flowers, a vase, and a small box of chocolates. And I bought a nice pic to put over the couch that I've been wanting. I'm not saying I found the answer. I might be crying all day. Lots of people hate Christmas. I'm sure lots of mothers hate Mother's Day. But I'm giving it a shot not to be sad. Hugs to you!!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2015, 12:11:24 PM »
I doubt that my surviving son, our Webmaster, Kirk, will remember Mothers' Day. But today he took over my Mac-Mouse and fixed something in my email that's been bugging me! :-))))
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2015, 12:35:57 PM »
I  am sick of all those holidays too!  I really hate Christmas and how much pressure there is to buy the perfect gift and have the perfect family and enjoy the perfect day.  I sound more and more like Scrouge every year!  So I think I will declare holiday independence and ignore them all!  When my youngest moves out I will even stop putting up the tree!  We already move the dates around to fit our schedules. 

Still the fact of the matter is that we, as mothers, inflict a lot of  this pain on ourselves.  No one can hurt your feelings without your permission.  So now for Mothers day I make plans with my DH and let my DS/DIL know I am busy.  We have a wonderful time and I do not spend the day punishing myself because no one has called.  I know I was as good of a Mom as I could be at the time.  Would I change things if I could, well yes, but then I would change some things in my marriage too but I am still happily married (37 years now)!  I don't expect perfection from my family members and if they expect it from me, well that would be their problem and not mine.

I wish all of you a very happy Sunday next weekend and every other weekend!!

Hugs! 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline Pooh

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2015, 12:53:07 PM »
I had to pep talk myself SL about holidays, Christmas in particular.  I had to make myself honestly look at myself and say, "Before kids....did you love Christmas?"  (Insert any holiday).  My answer was a resounding yes!  I love the smell of pine....I love eggnog...I love the twinkling lights on my tree and how pretty my house looks all lit up....I love making Christmas cookies and other goodies that I don't make during the rest of the year....I love wrapping presents all pretty....I love the Christmas cartoons....

There are so many reasons, before I became a Mother, that I loved Christmas.  There was no way that I was going to let anyone take the joy I get, from all those things, from me.  That would be my fault.  I do the same thing at all other holidays.  Did my children add to the joy of those holidays during the years?  Well sure, in some ways they did....but I loved the holidays BEFORE the kids came along. 

I know this seems easy, and I promise, I know it's not....but our own attitudes really can make a difference about how much we enjoy life.  Our happiness has to come from inside ourselves...not from other people.  If you are always looking to other people for your happiness, then the work has to begin with yourself.  I have come to a place in my life where I know I am in charge of my happiness....and others can just contribute to it...but are not in charge of it.

Just like SL, I celebrate Mother's Day...for myself.  I know the truth.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Lillycache

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2015, 02:08:34 PM »
Not to mention.... Just how much WORK these holidays are..  Clean the house.. bake... cook... clean up the kitchen, and if grandkids are involved, clean the house AGAIN!..    One kid won't eat this... Another has to have that... Trying to figure out just who likes what and who wants what.  Plus the buying and wrapping the perfect gifts. Make sure all the kids and grandkids are treated equally... Bleh...   I want to be having a massage on a cruise ship this year. 

Offline Elise

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2015, 03:12:33 PM »
Lilly - come on over to the good ship WWU.  I texted Louise and she has your massage all arranged.

Offline Lillycache

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2015, 03:54:52 PM »
I'm on my way

Offline kate123

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2015, 06:18:44 PM »
L.C. I agree, holidays were much work and now I am spoiled now because I no longer have to worry about it, and that is fine with me. I don't think I would want to get back into that any more. I am going to my bf's mothers on Mother's Day and I am sure I will enjoy the day by making it special for her ( he has spent Mother's Day with her for many years). We will take her to dinner so no one has to work! For anyone who has no plans you might consider taking some flowers to the ladies in a local nursing home who may not be getting any visitors. Just a thought.

Offline marie57

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2015, 07:55:57 PM »
I said the same thing today. Mothers day has been difficult for me for the past 18 years when I lost a son to a car accident. My oldest and youngest sons both have emotional disorders and they don't make the day special for me. I am lucky if I get a Happy Mother's Day text and one adult child lives at home.  I am so depressed that I just want to stay in bed. My Mom is still alive and all my siblings and I usually get together with her, however this year nobody is available and I am just not up to entertaining my Mom alone so I have guilt. I don't know why I am telling you all this because it certainly isn't encouraging. You are not alone and I hope your day turns out better than expected.

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: I hate Mother's Day
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2015, 07:47:40 AM »
Well Marie since it is just you and your Mom there are things that you can do that normally would be impossible with lots of others visiting.  Is your Mom able to get around? If she isn't then take all the old pictures you can find and go through them with her.  Write as many names on them as you can!  Take a recorder and get some of her old stories on tape.  You will treasure them beyond measure when she is gone.

If she is able to get around why don't you plan a visit to a garden or park close by.  Take a picnic lunch.  Whatever you do make sure that it is totally different from what you would normally do.  Drive to a scenic spot and sit in the car.  Take her to a funny movie.  Go watch the boats on a lake or the ocean.  Visit a waterfall.  I am sure there are places where you and your Mom used to visit that would bring back wonderful memories (or places similar to old places if you have moved).  You will be missing your children, especially the one you lost, this year but I will be missing my Mom.  I will enjoy my children (as much as possible) for you if you will enjoy your Mom for me! 

The older we get the harder we have to hunt for those silver linings in the rain clouds and the more we have to revel in them while they last.  If we focus on the dark clouds they will take over our entire lives and any possible happiness will be lost.  Here's hoping we both manage to squeeze the joy out of Sunday and ignore the possible emotional mires.  Notice, I only called it Sunday.......

(((Hugs!)))
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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