Author Topic: Daughter proud of hating me, almost 2 years with no contact  (Read 1317 times)

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Offline DeniseA

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Daughter proud of hating me, almost 2 years with no contact
« on: April 09, 2015, 03:48:26 PM »
I wasnt a perfect parent but kept us clothed, fed and everything we needed. My daughter first turned on me when I got divorced, she was 15. She lied and testified against me. I overlooked that and supported her when she spent a ton of my money to move to Denver and left after a disagreement with a friend. I disliked her bf and at 23 she had my grandson. Bottom line, she has lived with me more than she hasnt which included her husband and new baby. I just stopped communicating with her as her husband and her treat me terrible, do nothing but talk behind my back while taking my charity money so they could pay bills. All while her and her husband smoke tons of cigarettes. My grandson watched his Christmas tree taken down as they moved in with me a week before Christmas and tossed their tree. My grandson is 10 and I have only seen him through his Dad (her ex boyfrind) and realize he treats me as bad as she did always asking for money. I am going to lose a grandchild that cries for me and who I miss every day. My daughter tells him terrible things about me including she will not attend my funeral. I dont understand how my daughter cant see that hating her own Mom only sets the stage for her children to hate her. I wish there were more grandparents rights in my state. I cant change what my daughter feels.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Daughter proud of hating me, almost 2 years with no contact
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2015, 04:08:53 PM »
Welcome, D. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First, to read the five posts placed there for you. The books we have found helpful may be of some help. None of them have everything we need but most of us have found they each offer something. Please pay special attention when reading our Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We're a monitored Website.

In my own situation, I eventually tired of being the victim of my biological role. I also felt I was teaching my grandsons that it was OK to be abusive by taking what my elder son dished out. I eventually saw myself as somewhat selfish in trying to stay connected to them. We all have similar stories but none of us have identical take what you want and can use here and leave the rest. For me, my self-respect is back and I will never part with it again. Sending hugs.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: Daughter proud of hating me, almost 2 years with no contact
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2015, 08:07:18 AM »
Just wanted to say welcome and I ditto exactly what Luise said.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Green Thumb

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Re: Daughter proud of hating me, almost 2 years with no contact
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2015, 09:44:10 AM »
Sometimes our kids turn out to be mean, hateful and cause us much grief.  I am sorry this has happened to you. What has been helpful to me is learning to have boundaries and to stop trying to have a relationship with people who abuse me, yes even some of my children. Some of mine are mentally ill, some are so self centered, and some are nice and okay. It has been painful letting go of the ones who don't care beyond themselves but this is reality and I chose not to be upset every day, to stop grieving. Yes, I had to chose this and somedays I say this to myself to make me stop obsessing. When I see them, I am polite and ask about them, compliment them, and just try not to be anxious and hopeful that they will love me.  They aren't going to love me in the way I deserve or want. Detaching has helped a lot but I will also say it feels odd, weird to be detached from my precious adult children. I see them maybe once a year and we live in the same state, no grandchildren, and when I do see them, I feel like they are strangers. It is how it is and I can't change it without suffering their abuse -- and they don't want it any different so it is selfish of me to try to make them change to fit my definition of mother/adult child relationship. You'll see on this forum many mothers like you and I wish you the very best and peace of mind.