Author Topic: Thank You, Now I know were not alone  (Read 5204 times)

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Offline Things happens

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Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« on: April 05, 2015, 11:58:46 PM »
Hi,

I just found you and want to thank you for setting up this board. I have read through a lot of new and old post and now feel that DH and I are not alone anymore. A little background Our DS (Only Child) has been Married to DIL for almost 7 years and dated for 3 years. At first I though she was just shy and quiet and eventually would come out of her shell. For the last several years she wouldn't show up to holidays with DS. Then she would have parties that sell things. As a good MIL I would go and she would just complain about my DS about this and that in front of everyone, and I would just sit and say nothing. Then one time I just snapped, and I turned and looked her in the eye  and in front of everyone I just told her That when I gave him to her, he was perfectly fine, you broke him. From that point on, I made sure I had plans for other things on the days she would have these parties.

Now DS complains she doesn't do anything with him, etc etc. I just told him hey you married her. We are very nice to her but in the last couple of years Mine and DH attitude is we are done going out of the way to do things to be nice. We are lucky in we still have a great relationship with DS, no GK yet and not sure there will be any.

But in reading the old post I see that we have done the right thing and just be nice and stay out of her life and for that I thank everyone. It actually felt good to see that it is the right thing to do.  If she wants in our life that is just fine, but we have come to peace with her not being in our lives.

So once again, thank you everyone for sharing your experience, they have comforted me. :)


Offline luise.volta

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2015, 01:26:42 AM »
Good for you! And You're welcome! :)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline kate123

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2015, 10:23:54 AM »
Hello Karma,

I know of many people who do that to their spouse- complain, badmouth them to others. It makes you wonder that if they feel that way why are they married?? But I think some just like to complain to have something to talk about. But to say things in front of the spouses parent in front of others is very insensitive. How old is she? sounds a bit immature. I think you are handling the situation wisely.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2015, 11:23:04 AM »
I had that experience with a friend I met in a social group. I heard so much about how awful her DH was that I really disliked him, sight-unseen. Then one day we were out shopping and she asked me to lunch afterward. I really liked him!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Things happens

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2015, 11:00:39 PM »
Kate123 at the time she was 31 and still has not matured. I have learned over the years that Karma is a real thing and have seen it happen. So when the time is right she will get what she deserves. Until then I will just enjoy my son :)

Offline Pooh

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2015, 07:47:34 AM »
Good for you.  That's a great attitude to have.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Things happens

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2015, 10:12:27 PM »
Thanks Pooh, it has taken me a while to achieve this feeling. I have lots of nieces and nephews that enjoy and want my time. So I concentrate on them and have lots of fun together with them. And enjoy my time with DS, the only sadness is I probably won't have any GC. Though I did mention one time I might adopt a pregnant teenager  ;D Look on DS face was priceless. I just hope that DIL works out her issues and realizes that we are not the enemy, even all that we have been through I would still welcome her with open arms because she is my son's wife.

Offline Pooh

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2015, 10:51:48 AM »
It took me a long time to get there too K.  It's kind of funny.  When I finally realized I was enjoying my life again and that my "situation" wasn't dominating my every waking second, I didn't even realize I had got to that point!  It just kind of happened when I hit the "acceptance" stage that it was what it was and moved on.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2015, 11:00:11 AM »
I do that, too, Pooh. I often don't notice my own growth, it just seems 'normal'. Occasionally, someone near and dear points something out and I think..."Wow! :-)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2015, 11:21:10 AM »
I do that, too, Pooh. I often don't notice my own growth, it just seems 'normal'. Occasionally, someone near and dear points something out and I think..."Wow! :-)

It was actually my DH this past Christmas that made me really notice it.  The last time me and OS were still on good terms, was the beginning of December, 3 years ago.  I had already bought his Christmas present he wanted.  For 3 years, that present has been in a hall closet "just in case".  This past Christmas, I was getting things out to decorate and there was that wrapped box.  I took it out, thought "well now this is about stupid" and handed it to DH.  I told him, "Will you set this in the garage?"  He looked amazed and said, "Ummm why?"  Because it's going in the donation box this year somewhere for someone else to use. 

I didn't think anything about it!  I just realized it was stupid to keep this wrapped box for 3 years when someone else could enjoy it.  Didn't bother me, didn't phase me when I dropped it off a few days later.  DH later said he couldn't believe I gave up that box.  I actually was more amazed that I didn't even flinch when I did it. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2015, 02:26:07 PM »
YAY!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline lrubyhumbird

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2015, 01:36:28 PM »
I am going through a tough time with my DS (only child). He married my dil in 3 weeks. He tells me she is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Her own mother told me I got the better end of the deal. My dil likes to control people through manipulation. They just had a child and she is using her as a weapon to make me do what she wants . Any advise? My son won't stand up to her either!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2015, 01:52:22 PM »
Welcome, I. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First to read the five posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to make sure it is a fit. We're a monitored Website.

Our membership is our greatest asset but I think the second greatest asset here is to be found in our archives. Incredible wisdom has been stored there over the years. Please 'help yourself'. There aren't really any new problems or new answers. Circumstances change, details differ and we all go through it at our own pace. Feeling loved and understood and not alone is what can come from the caring and sharing you will find here. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2015, 06:22:01 AM »
Welome Iruby.  My advice?  She can only use the child as a weapon if you allow it.  Sometimes that means not getting to see the GC, but we get to choose what behaviors we will accept.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline lrubyhumbird

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Re: Thank You, Now I know were not alone
« Reply #14 on: July 13, 2015, 09:42:37 AM »
Thanks Pooh. I don't like getting manipulated and being told what I can and can not do.I have done everything to help my dil . I am having a hard time though losing my DS.His dad died when he was only 3.I basically raised him myself until I found someone, 7 years later who lost their spouse and dated several years to see how good he would be with my son. My DH is a great step dad to him. We have been married 15 years. My son is 30 and is clueless. He doesn't seem to care she has hurt me. We have done everything for him. We don't understand why he would allow such a mess to occur. He is my only child and this my only GC.My dial has lost custody of her other child( son) several years ago, so I am worried.He doesn't even speak to her. I will never see either of them again in ...Totally heart sick.