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Advice needed

Started by SadToTheCore, March 12, 2015, 04:58:01 am

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Hello again,  it's been awhile.
To make a verrrrrrrry long story short.... I have been pretty much estranged from my 32 year old son for a few years now. He treats his dad and I terribly, probably due to some sort of mental illness. (He refuses to go for treatment, as he thinks he has no psychological,issues). There are no drugs involved.  He currently lives in another state, and he has told my oldest daughter that he will probably be moving home due to the fact that he lost his job and has no money to stay where he is. Living with us is not an option! But I love him with my whole heart and being and have worried about him everyday, all day, for years. My husband said he would tell him he cannot live with us, but I'm terrified of this all blowing up again.

How do I get this constant knot out of my stomach? How can I not worry about him being homeless? I don't want to spend my remaining years in a  state of depression and worry. Any advice from you wise women would be appreciated.


Let me see - your son is moving home but that does not mean it has to be to your house.  Is there any way you could get a list of inexpensive room rentals or bachelor apartments for him?  Or better yet, a couple of names (perhaps social workers or real estate agents or low-income housing overseers or etc.) for him to investigate?  And, if he never asks you, well, that's O.K.; if he asks you, then you have an alternative way to help.  Just one option ....


Sad, if you truly believe there are mental health issues at work here then you have been given a wonderful chance to change your son's life.  Make your son know that you will help him if he gets help too!  Make your support (first outside of your house then conditionally inside) contingent on him going to see a professional and following the professional's instructions. He may need help paying for these visits or getting the government help he can to get treatment. 

Good luck!  Sometimes a slammed door opens a whole new world. 

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown


I have no experience with this, so can only come in with support and caring. I don't know what I would do. I do know that you matter and your life matters and your marriage matters. I don't believe that others have the right to destroy those things unless we let them. They have made choices but that does not cancel ours. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama