July 20, 2019, 03:59:43 pm


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

DIL Issues

Started by AsYouWish205, January 10, 2015, 10:30:09 am

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I'm new to this site and have read the "warnings, cautions, etc".

I googled something about having a difficult DIL and to my delight stumbled upon this website. It's very helpful and encouraging to know that I am not alone in the struggle to have a relationship with my DIL. My son and I had a healthy mutually respectful relationship. After he married, I expected that we would be able to continue our conversations about life and reflect on our responsibilities. No such thing. We aren't able to ask any questions, discuss changes, or have discussions at all. Therefore, when we do get together it's difficult to have a conversation. We've tried and tried to no avail. At this point I've decided to stop trying so I don't appear as a victim/needy person. I have my own sense of dignity. My husband and I have done lots of things to advise others, have been highly respected in our lives and abilities, and are genuinely good people. My DIL has done so many things to make us doubt ourselves. Now I've decided to ignore the one bad influence and remember all the good positive ones. I've done what others have suggested and invested in other areas of my life. I'm hoping that eventually things change, but I'm not holding my breath!


Welcome, A. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First to read the four posts placed there for you, if you haven't already done that. It's the best way to know if WWU is a fit for you. We're a monitored Website.

I've created your own thread for you so you don't get overlooked on the one where you placed your first post.

I've been in somewhat similar circumstances to yours and know it can be devastating. You sound like you are coping but that can be a long way, for most of us here, from what we had hoped would transpire when our adult children left home and married. My heart goes out to you. Sending hugs...

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Welcome A.  You will find great support here and you are headed on the right track.  It's not fair that we can't continue to have conversations that are normal to us, but unfortunately, we no longer get to choose, they do.  I would just do what you are doing.  Keep things light and airy.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


A, I felt the same way when I found this site! My DS and I had always had great discussions about all sorts of topics and it all came to a screeching halt when DIL entered our lives. I thought I was alone and had started doubting myself after hearing some snarky comments from DIL and her FOO. I was pretty devastated and missed DS so much. It's a big shock to have sudden changes happen in our lives.

Gradually things got better as DH & I put our efforts into making our lives as fulfilling as possible. For awhile we just kept our conversations w/DS & DIL on a very superficial level (broke my heart, but at least we were talking.) Lately things have become more normal; DS occasionally gets into deeper topics with us (like the old days!)

Best wishes to you! Keep posting and reading.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb