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It all finally blew up

Started by raindrops_on_my_soul, December 29, 2014, 11:02:30 am

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Hi everyone,

I held off speaking my mind to my youngest son for four years. Four years of of this huge disconnect on his part, no interaction or interest whatsoever. Unless that is, he needed something. Four years of him never coming by, and being treated so rudely by his wife when I myself went by to see him. Four years of seeing her sitting on the couch with her back to me, while I sat in their kitchen trying to converse with him. Four years of her snide remarks. Four years of being made to feel second class. I could no longer do it. I went by on Christmas evening to give the gifts and a cherry pie to them. His wife's family was all there and upon my arrival I get the usual ice treatment, while he stands there acting oblivious. I left quickly. I just could not do it one more time. I came home and waited a bit and called him. I told him everything that had been bothering me all this time, did not hold back. My attempt at being real about it all was met with complete and utter denial by him. He told me his wife meant no harm, and I should not be offended. He said if I felt that way I did not have to go by. Said he had his own life now and did not have time for coming over. He also dropped the gauntlet on me. He had not spoken with his father for 10 years because of their differences. Then, last July, his father died unexpectedly at the age of 48. Nothing between them was ever resolved because of my sons refusal to try and mend things. He told me that it may be best for him to go ahead and put me in the same category he had his father! In other words, write me off. I could not believe my ears. He said it twice, and I cannot tell you how the cruelty of those words cut right into my very soul. It made it even worse knowing his father died without a reconciliation between them, because it tells me he learned nothing from that. He feels justified in it all, and is willing to take the same chance with me. If that isn't the gauntlet I don't know what is. It's terrible. All he did was defend himself and her both, no understanding or concern about my feelings whatsoever. And no word from him since, saying he overreacted or anything. Which also shows he has no remorse. I truly believe he lacks any empathy, which is not a good sign. Very selfish man I see this now. I am done with it. My best efforts were not enough. They truly do not enjoy having me in their life, so I am out of it. I am ok with it. It is better than what I was doing and feeling so badly about. His cell phone is still tied in with mine, which up to now I have always gone by his house to get the check every month for. Not sure what to do about that now. Probably best to remove him from my account, so I don't have to deal with it at all. I'm sure he won't step up and do it. I never thought I would hear such cruel words from him, but apparently I did not know him. I will never see him in the same way again, it is over.


I'm so sorry it came to this point...and at the same time...I hope you find peace, self respect and a new life. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I'm sorry it came to that as well.  I'm not surprised though because honestly, if he has witnessed this for four years and did nothing, did you really expect him to be all apologetic and take any responsibility?  I don't say that to be mean, just that I am a firm believer people's actions, or lack thereof, truly show their character.  Words are just hot air if not acted upon. 

I am truly sorry as I know hearing those words had to cut and hurt.  I would definitely remove him from my cell phone account.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Raindrops, I am so sorry. You did your best to show your love. Time to move on, as painful as it will be for awhile. You deserve so much more. (((hugs)))
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


I am sorry he is so selfish.  It sounds like he and his wife are well matched.  I would remove his cell phone from your account and would not initiate any more contact with him. 

Place this relationship on the shelf and find peace.  Enjoy the healthy relationships you have in your life and smile again.  ((hugs))