Author Topic: phone call from son  (Read 1386 times)

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raindrops_on_my_soul

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phone call from son
« on: November 24, 2014, 08:05:36 AM »
My oldest son called me a few days ago with the biggest whine session I think I have ever heard. He had written a near novel and wanted me to listen to it. I swear he talked non stop for 30 minutes just reading the stuff he'd written down. Of course it was all about him and how the world had done him wrong. His childhood wasn't good enough, nobody had ever given him a break in life, etc. He told me that I had never made him comfortable enough to talk to me growing up, said I was always mad. That simply isn't true. He also mentioned a few other things he had a beef on me about. It was all very petty to me and would've been a real slap in the face if I had allowed it to be. The truth is the things that have gone wrong in his life have been because of decisions he made for himself after he left home at 18. He is one of these kind that won't simply let things be peaceful and calm. Constant chaos is what he and his wife create and what I don't understand is why he complains about the very things he chooses. He seems to think things are so very complicated and nothing is easy. But to me the truth is one can choose to or choose not to make things simple and why make life harder than it has to be? He is 31 years old and he seems to be getting worse, not better. That is not a good sign. I gave him everything I was capable of giving and to be told it wasn't good enough! It is never enough.....give and give and give......years of giving and sacrifice were not good enough! And he wants to bring up all his petty complaints now, at his age. Unbelievable! I told him I gave all, and if I fell short somehow along the way to forgive me. I told him to stop focusing on himself so much and focus on others. Go out and do something to help other people. Stop living for yesterday and start living for today. But you know what, I don't think he listened to anything I said. He just makes excuses for himself. I think he likes self pity and would rather gripe than to actually resolve anything. He seems to think all the planets have to align properly in order for peace and happiness to come to him. I don't see things that way at all. I see things simply. Peace and happiness are there for the taking if he wants to choose it. Sadly though, I don't think he is going to anytime soon from the tone of our conversation.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2014, 09:52:35 AM »
I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I'm so happy that you know it isn't about you. Sending hugs galore...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2014, 10:08:23 AM »
I echo Luise's sentiments. I hope your DS can find some peace and joy before decades go by. It's hard to watch someone you love go through these intense growing pains, especially when they want to dump it all over you. Good for you for separating his stuff from your stuff.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline PatiencePlease

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2014, 06:04:04 PM »
I guess your son decided to throw himself a major pity party.  Good for you for not accepting the invitation to attend.  I'm glad you recognize you're not responsible for his attitude.  Hang in there. 

Offline Ginger

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2014, 06:17:41 PM »
Hi

I agree with the ladies take care of your self you did the best you could. We do the best we can with what we have and what we know at the time when we learn better we do better. lots of hugs

ginger

Offline Footloose

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2014, 08:21:38 AM »
When does full time mom responsibility end?  18, 19, 21 or 35?  I used the 20 number.  Anything beyond that age was a favor and not MY responsibility.

I would ask these blamers one question when he's on the pity path,

......and what have you done with your time during the past 10 plus years in self developement, positive behavior and goals since you graduated school to find your own happiness?!

can't get in that time machine and change a thing from the past so take your lessons and move the bleep on!

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: phone call from son
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2014, 08:32:06 AM »
Personally I think you need to read him my signature quote and ask him what he is planting!!!  The more his life rotates around his former problems, whether real or imagined, the worse his life gets. 

It is true...what you focus on expands!  Ask him what he enjoys about his life and tell him to think about that part of his life more often.

And as for you, don't let his problems pull you into the muck.  Your job is done.  We all make mistakes but our AC have to take the reins of their own lives and the responsibility for their own happiness. 

What have you done that was fun lately???  Hugs!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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