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My 32 yr old son

Started by MiaY, October 22, 2014, 06:47:46 pm

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MiaY

October 22, 2014, 06:47:46 pm Last Edit: October 23, 2014, 06:43:46 pm by luise.volta
I need some guidance.. My son and I have been close, yet he was a very independent child. But as an adult (22 through 31), we were very close. He was there to protect me when his dad was going through Interferon. He called me at least weekly, escorted me to my 35th class reunion and bought me drinks all evening long. He asked me to go shopping with him to buy his girlfriend's engagement ring. Asked his future mother-in-law if we could come down for Thanksgiving. He is/was very critical of his future mother-in-law cuz she is an drunk. But since he has gotten engaged, he is now very critical of me. (He is a bartender by trade). He told his dad that he did not want me drinking while I was there for dinner. Yet the family own a vineyard.. DUH!! He was critical about what my husband and I would be wearing. (Nothing fancy.. blue jeans and short sleeve for my husband, me black skinny jeans and boots and a red sweater). We stayed for dinner and then left to stay at a motel a few miles away and the next day came home. I had 2 glasses of wine at dinner, nothing before or after. When our son came to pick up stuff we brought back for him, he told his dad that he found me to be disgusting. Fast forward to Christmas.. We had a "misfit" Christmas dinner for anyone who did not have a place to eat. We stopped buying gifts about 7 yrs earlier because our son didn't like buying into the commercial aspect of the season. (now I think he is just cheap). 5 minutes before he and his fiancee arrived, some other friends showed up and opened a bottle of wine. Long story short, he poured the rest of my wine out (without my knowledge and stole my bottle opener), made a scene, apologized to his dad and they left with him calling me a drunk. I swore at him. I have seen him face to face twice with him being very hurtful. Today was the 2nd time that I showed up at his house and he was yelling at me that he does not want my drama and how dare I show up unannounced. When I brought up what he had said to his dad about me, he said that I was drunk and to get my drama stories right. (making my sweating at him the total reason why I will never see him again! I am so loss. It will be a year in December.

luise.volta

Welcome, M. We ask all new members to go to our Home Page and under Read Me First, to read the four posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be see WWU is a fit. We are a monitored Website. You violated our position on foul language and swearing. It is my Website and since I can find no place to draw the line, I require that no substitutes be given. If we can figure out what you mean...it's the same thing as writing it. I modified your post, as you will see, in the hopes that after you read those posts you will understand and comply.

My take on your situation is that there is absolutely nothing you can do regarding the attitude your son has presented. At least in my own life, that was the case. My son took exception to me, decided I was the wicked witch of the west and acted accordingly. My take is that he was the one off base but I didn't get to vote. My expectations made it terribly hard to remove myself from his life but my self respect required it. There was no reality, fairness or understanding. I deserve all three. As a result, I have honored his decisions as an adult and gone my own way.

I know there are other ways to address such things...but I didn't feel there was an open door or an interest on his part to meet me half way. His choice as an adult, I know. And my life is now greatly improved without that kind of cruelty in it.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama