Author Topic: Youngest son told me he hates me  (Read 852 times)

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Offline marie57

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Youngest son told me he hates me
« on: October 21, 2014, 04:07:43 PM »
This is my first post. I gave birth to three sons. The oldest is 36, divorced and we don't see him much but he treats us good when we do. The middle son died in a car accident 17 years ago. The heartache has been everlasting. The youngest son is 22 and just moved out this summer. We bought and ran a business after middle son passed away and it took away much of our time with YS. We have so many regrets not being home much. We were trying to survive middle son's death and oldest sons grief because he was the driver when the car accident happened. We spoiled YS with everything but enough of our time. He has competely pushed out of his memory bank how we did our best to work around the business to be there for him.We realize it wasn't enough. His isolation caused depression and an anxiety disorder. He is verbally abusive towards us. He can't handle the finest bit of stress. He screams and breaks things. He tells me how much he hates me. But when he doesn't know how to handle something he comes to us. If we help him and we do then he later is even more resentful. We have been thinking about selling our large home and relocating. This really makes him mad. I think he lives in a constant state of fear needing us but not wanting us
He refuses counselling and takes an antidepressant that doesnt seem to work but won't return to the Dr. I cry all the time and have so many regrets. I think he enjoys hurting me. I wish he could remember the good times but he only focuses on us not being home enough with him.




Offline jdtm

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Re: Youngest son told me he hates me
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2014, 05:50:57 AM »
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He is verbally abusive towards us. He can't handle the finest bit of stress. He screams and breaks things. He tells me how much he hates me. But when he doesn't know how to handle something he comes to us. If we help him and we do then he later is even more resentful.

Hmmm .... no medical expert here but what you wrote sounds like your son might need medical and/or psychiatric help. 

Quote
He refuses counselling and takes an antidepressant that doesn't seem to work but won't return to the Dr.

Yup - as I read further into your posting - medical/psychiatric help.  But, you cannot dictate to an adult what to do even if it is in his own best interests.  I really doubt he enjoys hurting you and I doubt if he is able to focus on  the good times - mental health issues tend to block "normal" feelings and responses.  Is there any one person he trusts?  If so, perhaps that person could try and convince him to return to his doctor.  I believe (again no medical expert here) that if an antidepressant does not work, one probably is dealing with personality disorders and/or more severe mental health issues.  I really think that your son is "hurting" but it is up to him to seek help.  So sorry - been there - not with our sons but with other family members.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Youngest son told me he hates me
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2014, 06:36:12 PM »
Welcome, M. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First to read the four posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement. We're a monitored Website.

As you will learn when reading the posts described above, this Website is not a source for professional help. We can't offer advice on that level. My thinking is that you need stronger support than is available here. That said please consider looking elsewhere regarding the serious concerns you have voiced here. Professionals are licensed, bonded and have malpractice insurance, we do not. Please also consider coming back here after you have reached a level of resolution that we can contribute to. Our love goes with you.
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