Author Topic: No more Facebook for me  (Read 2657 times)

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Offline kate123

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No more Facebook for me
« on: July 09, 2014, 05:10:04 AM »
Hi all, have not posted here for awhile, but check in every now and then when things get tough.

I went on FB yesterday to show pictures of GC only to find pictures of DD, her family, my XH and his family all having a wonderful fathers day in a restaurant. It really upset me way more then it should have, but I guess it did because I got no mothers day visit (never do) and no birthday acknowledgement (never do). That itself did not bother me as much until I saw the photos, then it really stung like a bee.

Said to myself before I would stay away from FB as this is not the first time and I feel like I am spying since it has nothing to do with me.

On a good note I am out of state looking for a place to move to. At this moment I do not plan to tell DD my new address/phone I am so upset, though I will probably change my mind when I become hopeful again. Thanks for letting me vent here ladies!
\

Offline Lillycache

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2014, 07:22:43 AM »
I'm so sorry you had to see that Kate.   I know how hurtful that must have been.   In my case it was my DIL that decided to embrace my Ex husband and his wife as a way of taunting me..  She even told me that my XDh's wife was more of a grandmother to her kids than I was.   So I understand the hurtfulness.   But.. no need to stay off FB..  I don't.  I really enjoy it.  I just don't have DIL as a Fb friend.  You can also "Block" your DD and mutual friends from your newsfeed. You won't be able to see their posts and it could save you from this hurt.   

Offline luise.volta

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2014, 09:19:22 AM »
Sorry you just went through that. Hope is sometimes a good thing and sometimes damaging. For me, having things and people be the way they are works better. If they change, I'm up for miracles but/and my well being no longer focuses on that possibility. People can try to hurt me but whether they succeed or not is up to me. Sending hugs... 
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2014, 11:52:35 AM »
I know it's painful Kate and sorry you have a rough day with it.  I've now managed to "hide" any mutual friends of ours from my feed so those things don't just pop up on me out of the blue.  I'm not friends with DIL (her choice) but we do still have some mutual friends so I would get blindsided by pics of things I didn't want to see when they liked or commented on her stuff.  So I hid them.  That way, they have no idea and don't get their feelings hurt, and I don't have to worry about it any longer.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline lokin4answer

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2014, 05:38:50 PM »
Hi Kate:  Do your self and favor and rid your self of FB.  The less you know the better off you are, especially if you want to put the hurt behind you.  I deleted my account almost one year ago and don't miss it one bit.  I will admit I have gone on my sisters account a couple times and viewed through a mutual friend of my sister and my ODD, pictures taken of my DGC and after doing that, I go into this funk for days.  I think FB has caused more problems in our lives than good.  We are too interconnected through social media, cell phones and texting.  Everything has become so not personal.  When is the last time you sat down and wrote a hand written letter to someone you cared about or received one?  I sent my DS a letter a few weeks ago and even though he didn't respond, I know he had to hold it in his hands and read it, and I want to believe he kept that letter, tucked it away, and maybe someday will pull it back out and read it again.  I can dream, can't I?  Where as a text, or FB or any instant messaging is easily read, deleted and forgotten.   Hang in there...read a good self help book that builds our esteem.  Good Luck..
S. W.

Offline HopefulWish

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2014, 07:33:09 AM »
Facebook can be quite a hotspot for a lot of people for a lot of reasons! Not everyone uses Facebook in a friendly manner. A few months ago, my children were all on Facebook together bashing me, and some of my cousins and my half sister were joining in. No one knew what they were talking about. Which, my sister and my cousins engage in negative behavior anyway, and not always my biggest fans because I don't enable peoples negative behavior, and I say what I think. Well, both of my parents stuck up for me and told my kids and everyone that other older relatives are on Facebook and don't need to witness family drama like that. (But like my kids father - oh they NEED to put it all out there so everyone can SEE how I really am!) I mean really? They could have used the phone.. why Facebook? To humiliate me. I can't control what they say on Facebook or do to me, but I can control what I see on Facebook, so I blocked everyone who engaged in it. I didn't fire back, I didn't call and tell them off. I deleted and blocked them and that's it. I firmly believe that people will taunt you as much as you allow them. Now, I don't know in your case, if they are purposely posting those pictures to hurt you but I can assume that they might be. If you are dealing with family and close friends, and you know that something is a hotspot, you do not post things that are hurtful. If my mom and I were "into it" and for whatever reason, and if I didn't go visit her on Mothers Day - then no, I wouldn't post pictures of Fathers Day. Some people do things like that for the "sting". Don't give them the sting. I don't know if my attitude is the healthiest or correct one, but I withdraw from unhealthy attitudes.
You also should realize that if you made a big deal of it or mention it that - even if it was in fact a deliberate blow to you - they could say that it was innocently posted and that they never thought that you would be offended, and that you are over sensitive and causing drama, and that THIS type is behavior is exactly the reason why they didn't visit you for Mother's Day. It opens the doors to systematically disqualify you and use that as justification for their actions.
My vote is not to let anyone ruin your Facebook experience if you enjoy it. Go to their page and block them. That was, you will not see any posts or pictures from them, and neither can they see yours. My kids and their friends said that I was childish for blocking them. myeah right.. but gang bashing your mom on Facebook is mature, right?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2014, 06:58:04 PM »
H., my take is very similar. I am not interested in opening myself up to unkindness. I'm as kind as I know how to be to others and let it go at that. I love FaceBook but if anyone in my clan publically took a potshot at me...I would block them(and the rest of my clan would have them for lunch. LOL!) Sometimes what my friends and family share bores me. It's allmost like, 'Here is a picture of me eating my breakfast'...so I just don't commen and move on. I'm in my late 80s and lived a long time without social media just fine.  8)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline HopefulWish

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2014, 08:30:46 PM »
Luise,

Oh how I agree! The land of endless, thoughtless, pretentious "selfies". However, I get the impression that either I'm boring, not dramatic or exciting enough, or I just have the kind of friends, because I LOVE to post pictures of my DIY projects, my flowers and plants, and crafts that I do and they go unnoticed. Lol :) Sometimes I wish i didn't have Facebook but I have my grandfather and grandmother on there, and a lot of great aunts and uncles. I love having that Daily contact with them even if it is only a post or two.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 08:55:28 PM by luise.volta »

Offline Lillycache

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2014, 04:53:31 AM »
I love my FB too!   I wouldn't let anyone drive me away from enjoying it.   I use it for entertainment.  I share funny or intersting links.. and so do my friends.   I am also very political, so I have very lively discussions on political pages.   I have made contact with lots of other nurses I have worked with in the past and enjoy their posts and pictures.   There is nothing on my page that gives any personal information about myself, like where I work or live, and I have my privacy settings set really high.  If anyone... friend or friend of a friend.... gets nasty or insulting in any way,  they are immediately blocked.   I don't give it a second thought... they are GONE..  and that goes for family too.   I have defriended and blocked several of my husbands extended family... and I don't care.   That FB is mine to enjoy and if anyone makes it unenjoyable for me..... they are ZAPPED!    Never to return.  lol!!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2014, 09:36:40 AM »
LC - I get a great recipe on FB once in a while, too. But I can't seem to get them to my email. There is an option under Share...but they never arrive. And I can't copy and paste. Being 87 is sometimes a handicap!  ???
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Lillycache

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2014, 09:46:32 AM »
LC - I get a great recipe on FB once in a while, too. But I can't seem to get them to my email. There is an option under Share...but they never arrive. And I can't copy and paste. Being 87 is sometimes a handicap!  ???

I never tried sending a recipe to  my email.. and I was going to mention copy and paste..  However, when I want to try a recipe from FB  I print a copy on my printer.  Hubby has it set up so I just click print and like magic it appears in my back bedroom where the printer is located..  lol!!   

Offline luise.volta

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2014, 10:03:11 AM »
Well, sure...I can go to the very top left and under Chrome, hit File and then Print. Of course, thanks!  :)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Lillycache

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2014, 10:17:47 AM »
Yep and you can highlight just the recipe and avoid all the other stuff by clicking on print selection.

Offline Pooh

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2014, 11:23:37 AM »
I also share them to my own timeline, but change the privacy to "me only" before I post it.  That way, it's on my wall but no one else sees it! Lol
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline kate123

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Re: No more Facebook for me
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2014, 06:22:02 PM »
Thank you so much for all of your comments, this site always makes me feel better about this bad situation with my AC's. As for FB, I hardly use it because I just have not figured it out, how to block etc. Guess I am too more for the old ways, telephone calls and letters, and VISITS. But my AC's say that FB and scype(??) is they way people communicate now-seems a bit quick and easy, and IMPERSONAL. I liked going to visit my Grandmother, sitting and having tea and hearing her stories. Those are memories. I don't think people make memories anymore.
My BF says I should get on FB and post pictures of our activities and let them all know how fine I am doing. I am thinking more along the lines of putting on some ridiculously sexy outfit and give them something to talk about! HA! " Is that your Mother?, no wonder you don't talk to her"!! I don't think I could really do that, but it is fun to think about it.