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Me, too

Started by Ginger, June 14, 2014, 04:38:37 pm

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Ginger

 I am new to this site an I can relate to the stories I have read. I too was shut out by my DS and my DIL. They came for a visit one year with their first born and nothing has been the same ever since she is convince I don't like her which is not true. Her and I have never had a conversation or spent any time together my DS seems to always be there and they do everything together he made sure I knew that so it is next to impossible to talk with them. They belive I am a bad person and that I am dangers to them and he feels he needs to protect his family from me. Every time I have made contact they would find something wrong in what I wrote convinced I was out to get them. So I have been blocked from all forms of communitations told he does'nt want me in there lives so no pictures no contact and will not call again said I am voltile to the family he seemed to enjoy puting his mother down. Her mother has all contact the GC do not even know about me. We live provinces away from them which makes it more difficult. She is very close with her family he told me this when he first met her.  I often wake through the night with this running through my head and have trouble shutting it out. I have so much anxiety in my life because of this and other issues. Sure would like some feed back.There is so much more I could say maybe later.

luise.volta

Welcome, G. - I gave you your own thread since you asked for feed back. Since you are a new member, we ask that you go to our HomePage, if you haven't already done that, and read the four posts placed there for you in Read Me First. Nothing is wrong it's just part of being sure WWU is a good fit for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement. We're a monitored Website.

For me that hardest part of being alienated was the fact that I couldn't do anything about it. Like most people here, I had to learn that adult (?) children get to make their own choices, and learn or not...from the consequences.  My own expectations got in the way, as did my my sense of fairness. Those were mine and no one was responsible to fulfill them. It's been a long, slow, tough road for me to rebuild my life around what appeals to me beyond parenting but it's been well worth the effort. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Ginger, welcome. You can see that you are not alone. Some of us have been here a long time and are a bit farther along on our way to finding our centers again. However, we understand your situation and remember how we felt when we found ourselves in similar situations (you can read my old posts, they are very close to what you are saying.) The confusion, hurt, embarrassment, shame, anger, depression, etc. etc. almost did me in!

Thanks to all the WW here I feel as if I'm finally making progress, and if you continue to read and post I believe you will, too. I had to let go of my need for justice and fairness. I had to stop letting my situation take over my whole life. I rediscovered myself and found some new interests to focus on.

My feelings were legitimate and I am not ashamed of them. However, when I got good and tired of feeling awful, I knew it was time to move on. With luck, I'm in the last third of my life and I refuse to spend it yearning for what might never be and feeling "less than."
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Pooh

Welcome Ginger.  You will find great understanding here as many of us can relate.  Like the others said, one of things we learn here is that we matter and we deserve to live happy lives.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Lillycache

Quote from: Ginger on June 14, 2014, 04:38:37 pm
I am new to this site an I can relate to the stories I have read. I too was shut out by my DS and my DIL. They came for a visit one year with their first born and nothing has been the same ever since she is convince I don't like her which is not true. Her and I have never had a conversation or spent any time together my DS seems to always be there and they do everything together he made sure I knew that so it is next to impossible to talk with them. They belive I am a bad person and that I am dangers to them and he feels he needs to protect his family from me. Every time I have made contact they would find something wrong in what I wrote convinced I was out to get them. So I have been blocked from all forms of communitations told he does'nt want me in there lives so no pictures no contact and will not call again said I am voltile to the family he seemed to enjoy puting his mother down. Her mother has all contact the GC do not even know about me. We live provinces away from them which makes it more difficult. She is very close with her family he told me this when he first met her.  I often wake through the night with this running through my head and have trouble shutting it out. I have so much anxiety in my life because of this and other issues. Sure would like some feed back.There is so much more I could say maybe later.


Hello Ginger..   Yes, you will find that most of us have been through exactly what you are going through.  My DIL decided after 10 years that she didn't want me around her kids... she also said I was crazy..... Unstable.... and a danger.  I was not allowed to see my GKs for about 10 months.   Fortunately, my son did not agree with her and after what I am sure was a huge battle with his wife, began bringing the kids to see me.   Of course I never get to babysit or take them on outings, but at least I get to see them usually about 3 or 4 times a year.   I have no idea where her crazy ideas came from..  I'm not sure what I did to make her feel that way...   BUT..  after 4 years, I really don't care anymore.   Of course it's not fair that her Mom gets the kids all the time, and gets the vast majority of holidays and that my youngest grandson refers to my DILs mom as his "Real Grandma".... as opposed to me.. the fake one I guess.   I just let it go. It's not worth dwelling on.  As they say.. It is what it is. 

OptingOut

Have you ever asked your DIL why she thinks that you don't like her?

Ginger

hello again
it was great hearing the different feed back I am very grateful to all the wise wisdom I read. I new when I found this web site that it would be helpful to me. since my last posting there has been no change in the situation.
I never really got a chance to ask her why she thinks I don't like her I was never given an oportunity to be alone with her and she kept her distance from me plus my DS would always be there ready to jump in.
Sorry it took so long to get back here I have had many computer problems. My work hours have increased.  I have realized that I need to step back to protect myself and to take care of my self. MY DH  was also having trouble with the situation and agrees I need to let it go hopefully they will see down the road the harm done and the harm to the GC.  thanks everyone  Ginger

luise.volta

Good to hear that you are doing really well with some really tough stuff. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Sorry nothing has changed but very glad to hear you are moving forward.  Baby steps.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell