Author Topic: problems with husband and wife on home purchase  (Read 1055 times)

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Offline Brooka

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problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« on: June 04, 2014, 09:32:40 AM »
my son and his wife want to buy a house after he splits his house with his brother.

she hardly works and needs surgery for ovarian cysts.

my son is angry since her parents offered money and took back the offer.

I told him that I could help with closing costs.

He could get a mortgage and put her on the deed but does not want to do this know since she has been very laid back about getting a job and she needs insurance in place to do invetro fertilization.  She wants a house more than a baby.  My son has a child with another woman who is close to his new wife and his new wife has a sister with an adopted baby.

I am stressed out over this mess since I do dabble in real estate and she does not ever ask me any questions at all.  She got her own realtor and yet my son needs yet to do more leg work on houses and affordability.

I want to give him the proper advice since he is asking for my help.

HELP

Offline luise.volta

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2014, 09:40:55 AM »
My take on this is to stay out of it. It sounds like they have a lot to iron out in their relationship. It's hard to watch our adult children learn the lessons that we learned long ago, but when we help (or at least when I did) it only complicated things further for them.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Brooka

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2014, 11:17:46 AM »
true that but I feel so sorry for him.  I guess the best thing is to keep my mouth shut.

I will try.

thank u

Brooka

Offline luise.volta

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2014, 11:28:35 AM »
I felt the same way. We feel sorry for our 'kids' because in our hearts that's what they will always be. What I have learned with my own was they had to learn on their own. I did my best and my job was done. Over and over, I could see their mistakes and wanted to do the obvious...which wasn't obvious for them. I had to picture invisible masking tape over my mouth! Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Brooka

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2014, 01:26:29 PM »
yes I am going to tape up my mouth before it gets me in trouble.  I think it already has.  Life is too short, though too worry so much and worry can make one sick.

Thank u

Brooka

Offline Pen

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2014, 09:15:00 PM »
Wise choice, Brooka. That way, you cannot be blamed if things go wrong.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Brooka

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2014, 10:54:15 PM »
Thank u Penn

I may close this subject down now.

I am hoping that they will get counseling and realize that they not only have to communicate but trust and be honest.

Brooka

Offline Pooh

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2014, 06:40:27 AM »
I think since you have offered to help with closing costs, that is you helping.  Now, like the others said...try to stay out of the rest!  He obviously knows he has issues with her or he wouldn't be "not" wanting her on the mortgage.  He needs to resolve his own issues.

As far as giving them money, I'm just cautioning you to not start this pattern with them.  I know you want to help, but since you are being slighted already about the GC, but yet they don't have a problem taking your money, we see this pattern a lot here.   I think it's fine to do it once as a gift, or have strict payback terms if it's a loan, but be careful not to set yourself up for this to keep happening.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Brooka

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2014, 07:23:47 AM »
So true, Pooh.  I offered this one time gift and it will be only a one time gift.  They will need to get their act together and this they need to do for their own benefits.  Any marriage can fall apart due to money problems and that is a biggie.  I do not want to see that happen but they need to make their own decisions on how to go forward.  Marriage counseling may be the answer here.  Since they are adults and over 30, they have to work on their own lives by themselves.  I am getting from my son how much is alimony.  Scary thought but he is really angry with her since she does not work anymore and he is the sole bread winner.  She broke her promise to him and he feels betrayed.  He says that she is very sarcastic and not pleasant to be around anymore. 

Thank u.

Brooka

Offline luise.volta

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2014, 09:25:38 AM »
Do you want to close this thread, B.?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Brooka

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2014, 09:31:36 AM »
Yes I do want to close this thread.

Thank u all for your participation and incite.

Brooka

Offline luise.volta

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Re: problems with husband and wife on home purchase
« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2014, 09:46:48 AM »
You're welcome, B. We all help each other by listening and sharing. The hard part for me, years ago when I was a young mom, then grandmother was no one one to talk to.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama