Author Topic: In case my daughter never talks to me again  (Read 947 times)

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Offline Pearls

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In case my daughter never talks to me again
« on: April 29, 2014, 11:16:55 PM »
My 21 year old daughter shut me out of her life since her father and I split up 7 years ago.  I used to hold out hope that she'd come back into my life, but there is the real possibility that she may never be back in my life again, ever.

The pain of an alienated child is unspeakable.  I worry that I will die before we ever get to make amends.  But I worry for HER, too, that if something were to happen to me, she'd never get to hear all the loving things a child needs to hear from her mother.

So in my fireproof lockbox that I keep under my bed is a love letter to her, telling her about how wonderful she was as a baby, the many awesome and warm memories I have of her childhood, the joy she brought to my life when she made me a mother for the first time, the happiness I wish for her in her life, how I'm sorry for her obvious pain, and that I understand her decision not to attend my mother's funeral a few years ago doesn't mean she didn't love her mom-mom.  I wrote love letters for my other children, too, who are still in my life.

I know there are others out there in my situation.  Please consider writing a loving letter to your child and keeping it in a safe place.  No blame, no guilt, just the good stuff about what you love about them.  Leave your child something he or she can hold onto should they regret not accepting the olive branch when it was offered. 

This is not meant to be a doomsday-type post.  There's not a lot I can control about my situation, but I get a tiny little bit of peace of mind in knowing that even if I don't get to talk to her again, I can still say the things I want to say.  Who knows, maybe she'll rip it up, but I hope it's something she'd treasure.

Offline Pooh

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Re: In case my daughter never talks to me again
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2014, 11:15:26 AM »
I think that's great Pearls that you did that.  And I think for many that may be a great thing for them and a great suggestion.

I will say that for me, I won't do it because I said everything I needed to before he cut us off.  He knows I love him and if he's has chosen to believe I don't, that's on him not me.

This may sound cruel of me, but I will not release his regrets or guilt if something happens to me or my Mother.  He will have to live with the choices he made just as I'm having to live now with the choices he's made.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell