Author Topic: feeling forgotten  (Read 1771 times)

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raindrops_on_my_soul

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feeling forgotten
« on: April 20, 2014, 07:39:30 PM »
Hi everyone,

  I need to vent tonight. It's Easter Sunday and I just feel kind of sad. I started thinking about Easter's past and how it was always my favorite holiday when I was raising my two sons. I was thinking about the life I had envisioned for myself back then. I always just assumed my kids and grandkids would be a big part of my life. I was a young mother and sacrificed everything to be their mom and was happy to do so. I rarely ever get a call or anything at all from either of them and they express absolutely no interest in my life. Never get pictures of my grandkids that live out of state, never a phone call from them even though they're old enough to talk now. I have expressed the desire to have these things and as always my son says of course mom I will be happy to step in and send pictures since my dil hates me and won't do it. He would send one picture and then right back to nothing again. I got tired of feeling like I had to beg so I stopped asking. Only hear from him when he has a problem and wants to talk about it which is not often. I have stopped contacting him altogether. My other son that lives in town about 5 miles away doesn't call much either, very rarely. Almost never comes by to see me. I always have to go to him and when I do I just don't feel that wanted or welcome. I get tired of always being the one to reach out and have pretty much stopped trying there as well. It would be so nice if one of them would call and ask me how I am doing or express any kind of interest. Anyway I am feeling disgusted by all of this. They have turned out to be so selfish and I give up. I threw in the towel.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2014, 10:57:12 PM »
Thinking of you and sending hugs. What a tough situation to have to learn to accept. I'm glad you shared this with us and hope it helped.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Lillycache

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2014, 04:33:09 AM »
Sorry you are feeling sad today.  Holidays, especially those we so enjoyed as a child are hard... especially when we believed with all our hearts that they would continue to be joyous times with a loving family.   It's hard not to feel cheated.   Sadley many of out moms of sons get the short end of the stick.  It just hurts more on certain days.    This all goes back to the expectation thing.  What we expected our lives to be like was at complete odds with the agendas of our DILs and maybe even our grown sons.   My son called me Easter morning... but I was not involved in the day.  That priviledge went to DIL's FOO...  as always.   So hubby and I kept busy and did some outside work and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  We had our own Easter dinner.. I still made a ham and all the trimmings, and it was a nice day.   We got a lot accomplished.   I really didn't give DS and his wife.. OR the grandkids much thought.  But, I have bigger fish to fry at this point with my older son in rehab.. and selling some vacation property to get ready for retirement.  AND I've hardened myself to the reality of the situation.   It takes time.  I've been working at it for 4 years.

Offline Pooh

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2014, 05:39:47 AM »
So sorry you had such a rough day yesterday.  Holidays are really hard.  I've learned to take them back and make them my own.  DH and I did the same as Lilly almost.  We fixed our flower beds, planted flowers, cleaned everything up outside.  Then we hung up on our back deck, grilling and enjoying the evening.  It was a great day and I didn't worry what the others were doing. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 09:52:36 AM »
LC Mentioned expectations...and that, for me, was the tough one. My grandparents and parents had traditions and I followed them when raising my own family. I loved traditions. I really looked forward to their continuing when my sons were grown. (I now have great grands in college!)

My surviving son loves me to pieces and I got an email yesterday. They live 45 minutes away and simply chose to do something else. We used to do cards, gifts and visits with fabulous holiday fare. We played games and had a wonderful time. It was very hard for me to get that my adult children had the option to choose regarding something that I had always taken for granted and looked forward to...and that they would choose to exclude me. I didn't get they were my expectations and no one was responsible to fulfill them. I thought they were a given, common courtesy, everyone loved them like I did and they always would. I had to let go of 'always.'

For me it wasn't just the loss of tradition, I took it personally on some level. It felt like I was being rejected, not just tradition. My values were and are who I am...but...truth be told, they are mine. Not something I should expect of others. Our AC get to love and celebrate in their own way. Not, in my case, following tradition exclusively with DIL's FOO but leaving tradition entirely. Somehow, my knowing the other parents were experiencing the same thing didn't help. We were all shut out.

Yesterday, I took a wonderful, 2.5 mile walk in the woods with my dog. I worked on my huge jigsaw puzzle and made great progress in one area! I went over to our campus nursing home, I am 87, and visited a special friend there, he is 90, and found he had saved me half of the chocolate bunny he'd won as a door prise at a recent program. I live in our independent community but at supper time, I ate in our assisted living section with those needing a little contact with someone from 'the outside.'

Like the others who have responded to you here, I had a great day. I really did. Not a Pollyanna Day of pretending, we have all learned that comes back to bite us. I had no expectations...it took a long time but they are gone...as is the pain of letting them go. I did what I wanted to do. The emails I got were warm and loving...interested and interesting. And...how many women my age get to fall in love again and are given half of a chocolate bunny to seal the deal?   :D



Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2014, 10:54:46 AM »
Half a chocolate bunny was a great compromise...no one ruins their diet!  :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2014, 11:02:42 AM »
:D :D :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Footloose

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2014, 11:38:08 AM »
Raindrops, Sorry to hear of your disappointment.  I spent the day with other big and little people and heard from my DS and his wife a good bit lately.  I let the expectations go a while back and noticed much more contact now that I allow them to make the move.  I dropped the rope and the tugs stopped.  It was very quiet for a long time but out of the blue, he decided he wanted me to continue being his mom. 

Please take TODAY and do something special?  Those yummy Cadbury Eggs and chocolate bunnies are on clearance!  and that's why I never celebrate Valentines day until Feb 15th!  LOL!!!

Offline dedicatedmom

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Re: feeling forgotten
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2014, 08:56:32 PM »
Raindrops it gets better. When you posted I was in Chicago burying my mother who I was raised to respect and revere. I have no guilt about that because that is how I felt toward her and she was not a perfect mother. I loved her so and will miss her. I don't know what I did in raising my children that my 3 DD's have no such respect for me but one day, un like me, they'll have regrets. Hang in there acceptance comes. Letting go of the expectations really helps.