Author Topic: Longtime , I'm back but no progress  (Read 1334 times)

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Offline artlady

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Longtime , I'm back but no progress
« on: April 18, 2014, 02:45:22 AM »
Hi ladies. I do hope all are doing better and moving forward. DD has become more isolated , controlled and distant. She now is at home with a 2 year old and a 6 month old trying to work part time . All of her best friends from childhood thru present are worried about her as they feel she has dropped off the face of the earth. They have tried to reach out to her but she is short with them, defensive and makes excuses why she has not kept in touch. I can totally understand. The strange part is she is suppose to go into work one day a week they have not seen her since Sept 2013.  That is not like her at all, she has always had a strong work ethic, I didn't know until her best friend told me her dh wanted her to quit work when they got married before babies. The real issue is her dad ( step dad only one she has ever known ) has bladder cancer, two surgeries and we start on the treatment this tue. So far no visit just a brief call right before surgery. A very different daughter from the time he had open heart surgery a month before her wedding . She was on top of it all. I['m over so much of it but this cancer situation has brought some of those hurts back to the surface . I still try to go visit during the week but have not been since right after xmas and not sure when I will be able to go back. It is hard to go as the beautiful person she was is gone and I dont'[ recognize the daughter she is now . It is like she has died and I can'[t love this one as I did the other one . I do believe she is in a very bad situation, I do think there is emotional abuse as well as financial. I just pray no physical . I know she won't come to me about it and now she has a few new friends through her exercise class , which is safe for her as they are not a threat to him evidently. I dont'[ think she would confide in them and they didnt'[ know her before to know the person she was . Ok got to get my self going today . Love Kisses and Hugs to you all     

Offline Footloose

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Re: Longtime , I'm back but no progress
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2014, 07:39:57 AM »
Wow! Artlady!  Sounds like she really has her hands full with 2 littles and prob no help from her hubby or anyone else!   My heart goes out to you in your struggle and the loss of your daughter to her grown life. 

All you can do now is focus on your husband and keep yourself strong for him.  Maybe in time, you will find that she has given you a gift of time and attention to be spent on someone with greater need, your life partner and YOU!

She must walk her own path after watching you take your own.  While we model good behavior and try and teach our children to be wise, they can only learn by doing and learning from their own mistakes.

We can show someone how to ride a bicycle and have them watch and hear instruction for years but until they ride themselves, they will never learn. Wish we could keep the helmet, knee/elbow pads and training wheels on longer but life gets in the way and has its own lessons to teach.

Hugs for your dear sister!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Longtime , I'm back but no progress
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2014, 11:50:05 AM »
AL - Good to hear from you...and hard to know that your daughter is struggling so. We have to go on...and we never stop caring on some level. What a tough assignment. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: Longtime , I'm back but no progress
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2014, 03:37:32 PM »
AL, thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't progressing in a positive way with your DD. If I remember correctly, your SIL was encouraging her to lose contact with family and friends? That behavior concerns me whenever I hear of it. I hope that's not the case with your DD/SIL and that she comes around soon. (((hugs)))
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pooh

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Re: Longtime , I'm back but no progress
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 05:57:57 AM »
Good to hear from you AL.  Sorry things haven't improved.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell