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Should I Tell Her Or Wait?

Started by humbledmama, February 10, 2014, 07:48:52 pm

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I have another dilemma.  A few of you know from reading my last post that I have an 18 year old daughter that I adopted 12 years ago.  She is my husband's biological daughter.  I also have an 8 year old daughter so they are technically half sisters.  My youngest daughter does not know that my oldest was adopted.  She has asked a couple questions in the past asking why her sister was at our wedding?  She claims that she was "born the right way."  I wasn't prepared for that.  I'm not sure if she would understand that her dad had a child with someone else or maybe I'm just not giving her enough credit.  If I wait, I worry she might think I'm a liar.  I also haven't told her because I don't want her asking questions to her sister because she was abandoned.  It's not something we necessarily talk about.  Any feelings towards this?   :-\


Here's my feelings towards this, coming from having a Stepfather at the age of 2, and was told he wasn't my biological Father at age 10 when I started asking questions.  Children are smarter than we give them credit for.  I don't think there is a set age of when to tell a child.  I think when the child starts asking questions, such as those, she already knows something isn't jiving and if your intention is to tell her the truth eventually, then it may be time to keep you from lying or her feeling she was lied to.

I think you need to listen to your gut and you'll know when the time is right.  And when you do, you don't have to go into details at her age now but explain in very simple terms so she'll understand.  As she matures and ages, she might request more details on her own.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


I'm, with P. We can let it be known that children come to us in many ways and every way is about the heart and love.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you both for the responses.  I will probably tell her soon and I love the way you put that..."children come to us in many ways and every way is about the heart and love." 


Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown


Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama