June 26, 2019, 02:08:51 pm


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

The Bubble Just Broke

Started by DixieDarling, November 09, 2013, 10:15:11 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


Good Morning Ladies,
I am still very new here and haven't figured out how to go back and read each of your stories. So please excuse me if I ask a question every one else knows the answer to.
Your deep love for your children is why it hurts you so much. If it was someone you didn't know or like it wouldn't bother nor hurt you. That is all I meant saying nothing can hurt you more than those you love.
The sadness I feel reading what some of you have wrote is strong. I'm so very sorry for the pain you are feeling.
I haven't had to deal with  many issue concerning my AC , so I am clueless. But I do feel horrible for those who are going thru it and want to understand more.
Our children with the exception of the son in the Army has settled within a few miles of us. And I've always been grateful for that.
Our son in the Army is building a home here year after next and his family will be living here full time. I was so happy and thrilled thinking all our children and grandchildren would be together. The kids would grow up knowing their cousins.
Well my bubble was popped last week.  :( Our middle son's is moving with his family 4 hours away. (Its his work)  Our grandson is almost 7 years old and been living next door since birth. I am going to miss him the most.!!
When he came to stay over last weekend he had a little speech all ready for me.
He said, " Don't worry Mimi we can facetime all you want to and I'll visit every chance I get. Daddy will let me use his cell phone to call you and he said if you get missing me to much you can call me.  It was all I could do not to cry. He was so sweet and behaving so grown up.
How selfish am I? I read some of what others are going thru and I have no right to feel sad I know. But I do. I'll miss them all so much.
I also wanted to comment on this, Fantine said,
"Ms. Luise is right that we all had lives before we had kids" - I've been a Mother my entire adult life. Had my 1st child at 19,  So who I was before kids really hadn't been decided. This where I have had to struggle. Trying to find out what I would like to do and how to do it? My family has been my only focus almost my entire life. And I'm blessed to be still very involved with the most of them. But I would like to discover who I am. If that makes any sense?


DD - I moved your post and gave you your own topic. You are right, we were whole before we became parents but not necessarily mature. I married right out of nurse's training and have been a mom for 66 years! I now have a GREAT granddaughter in college!  :D We keep on learning and growing (hopefully.) Many women here have embarked on the same journey you describe. When we start looking for identity beyond our biological one, a lot of stuff often comes up. We don't necessarily feel comfortable in 'not knowing'...especially ourselves. Our role has been well-defined and there's comfort in that.

We have put ourselves last and haven't a clue how to put ourselves first. If asked what we want, what comes to mind immediately is something we'd like for a loved one. My own experience has been one of unearthing and expanding interests that went by the wayside long, long ago; hobbies I never had the time for, independent travel around my own interests, friends who never did the mom-thing, volunteering in numerous capacities, of which this is one. And, do I dare say it, a little self-indulgence.

It takes time and patience to learn not to focus on living our lives through the lives of others. Letting them go can be darn near surgical. Sometimes moving on doesn't involve choice. That can be very painful and the value can only be found, if it is indeed there, in retrospect. This is a place to investigate options, be heard, experiment and share our experiences. Healing happens...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you Luise, My goodness no wonder your are referred to as wise. You worded my feeling exactly in your reply. And I am trying to find my spot on earth now outside being a Wife, Mother and Grandmother. And it is hard. I even have to fight off feeling that it is to late.. Most of my good years are gone. I look forward to reading more on this subject and others here. So many wonderful women here it seems.


I'm 86 and am having some really good years!  ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Hang in there Dixie.  I had a GS with me for four months, tore me up when he left.  Dad's in the Army and him and Mom went to join him 14 hours away when he returned from deployment.  And this is the DS/DIL I get along with!  So even though we had a great relationship, it was still very hard to watch them go.  Now, that being said, Skype is wonderful and it has kept me and GS in contact.  He remembers me.  He still giggles every time we start Skyping and the other day, I was getting very weird texts from DIL's phone.  Like 15 in a row of garbled stuff.  Come to find out, GS was texting me! :) (10 months old).

DIL said when she caught him with her phone, he pointed at my picture and started laughing...so trust me...they remember!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Thank you Pooh! What a delightful reply.