Author Topic: Heart Broke Today  (Read 1923 times)

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Offline Mariew

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Heart Broke Today
« on: March 19, 2013, 12:33:10 PM »
 :'(
Yesterday my DIL sent me a nasty text to stay out of my son and grandchildren's life. This has been going on 3 years and I only see my son and grandchild once or twice a year. Recently, I've had a new granddaughter born Jan. 12th and I still have not met her.  :(  So much to say and just so hurt.

today my single daughter raising a 3 year old son has told me to butt out in the decisions when it comes to her son and the father. The father raped my daughter and beat her last July. Now she is allowing the 3 year old to stay with this man. I protested and she has told me to butt out. Obviously she has some serious issues.

i feel like crawling in a hole and forget that I even have children or grandchildren. Very sad and heart broken. :'(

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Heart Broke Today
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2013, 01:31:00 PM »
Welcome - With a first post, we ask that you go to our Home Page and under Open Me First, read the three posts there to see if you feel WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored site.

My take is that most of us willingly give our hearts away to our dependent children. How could we not? After our parenting job is done, as young adults they take on the respsonsibility of making their own decisions and learning from the consequences…or not. That's their business, not ours. I personally found that fact infinitely difficult to understand and accept.

You may have expectations they are not meeting, as well as their having expectations you probably didn't and/or aren't meeting. That's another thing I tripped over. I thought my sons were responsible for meeting my expectations. Not so. The other side of that coin is I did my best and if I didn't meet their expectations then my being human is at fault.

We were all whole before we became parents and we can be whole again. The good news and the bad news is it's up to us to give ourselves the respect we deserve while we set boundaries regarding any further abuse from others.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline LadyStar

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Re: Heart Broke Today
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2013, 01:54:10 PM »
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.  One think I can say is that although my situation has not changed, being able to come here and share has.   Plus the suggestions have made sense and I am follow a lot of the advise I got.

The other thing I have realized is that I can control some of this.  For example if they will not let you see the GC, fine, but you can send presents, and cards, and you can call.  At some point in time those GC will start to ask questions and your S and DIL will need to have answers.  Children are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for.  Sending the gifts will keep you in the picture, as well as, the cards. 

As for your other situation, one of the hardest things I ever had to do was to turn my ex into protective services and take him to the police.  Not becasue he did anything, but because he allowed my S to be in the custody of a known fellon and potential child abuser.  Unfortunately it took an incident to occur before I knew and took action.

You know about the sitation, if you feel the child is in danger then you need to call the authorities.  Before I called PS I talked with my local state police who were excellent and provided a lot of information and actually called PS for me.  They stepped in and took on the case.   A person can be identified as an inappropriate caregiver and also charged with child endangerment.

Above all don't give up, talk to us here, these folks listen and that ability is worth it weight in gold as far I am concerned.   Above all talk about it!!!!

fangle

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Re: Heart Broke Today
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2013, 08:52:45 PM »
Hello,  That is quite a heartbreaking situation.  May I pass on the best advice I have ever received in my entire life (from Luise) - You cannot make sense of the senseless.  You can over come.  You can be whole.  My thoughts are with you and your DD and DGC.  I hope that you will find comfort and support in this place. xo

Offline Pooh

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Re: Heart Broke Today
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2013, 05:30:50 AM »
Welcome M.  Glad you found us.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell