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husband and son and dil have talked

Started by bettylou, May 10, 2010, 08:13:41 pm

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Well my husband and my son have spoken on the phone, son told my husband his and dil's side and husband did say he is so angry with me and that he felt sick all day over it.  He also said I will be in counseling and son agreed that I do need it.  They spoke for a long time, he is so very angry with me and rightfully so, I was more concerned with "winning" than I was with my own child's feelings I see tonight how wrong I am.  Son and DIL told my husband that they will not punish him and my daughter for what I have done, they have in the past they said and they will not do so again.  DIL told my husband she did try playing games right back with me and she does not want to do it anymore, she said it will take a long long time for us to get on track and start over but that in the future when my actions not my words say I am sorry and I am ready to act like a normal grown woman that she would like to try again.  She said that she did used to like me at first but I was just so hard on her, I have hurt someone deeply and it feels horrible.  I am glad that she will recover from my abuse and have a great life weather I am in it or not.  Son told my husband that in spite of everything he loves me but that it is over for a while.  I know I deserve it.  Ladies please please listen to me, no matter what happens with your MIL or DIL do not make the mistakes I made, do not play games, do not lie, do not focus on winning, do not be cruel and do not be passive aggressive!  Learn from me, you will lose your family and self respect if you continue to raise the stakes!  You will lose


I'm really glad that your son and DH talked, BettyLou, and that your DH is being so honest and open with you about how he feels, and how DS feels.  I'm also glad that you can listen and absorb what they're saying to you.  It's going to be hard, and you're going to have days where you are still angry and hurt and wanting to lash out, despite therapy (it's definitely not a quick fix, and sometimes it stirs up feelings that temporarily leave you feeling more hurt and vulnerable instead of less - unfortunately, it's a necessary part of healing, like getting the pus out of a deep abcess).  Please remember the openness that you've demonstrated today, and the willingness you've shown to really hear what your DH and DS/DIL are saying.  You have the chance to be truly happy and put your deep wounds behind you (mixed metaphor, but you know what I mean).  Focus on that when it gets hard to remember why you're working through the therapy.
This too shall pass.  All is well.


I'm glad that your husband alked to DS and DIL.  I truly hope that in the future your relationships can be repaired.  Just do what you need to do to get better and to be good to yourself for the time being, and when you feel you've made sufficient progress try to prove to DIL that you are ready to have a relationship with her.  I know you can do it!  Just keep looking forward, and try not to dwell on past mistakes!