June 17, 2019, 06:57:24 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Christmas

Started by tryingmybest, December 21, 2012, 03:30:34 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

tryingmybest

Well the holidays are here again, and as I prepare for our Christmas Eve get together, I am again struggling with resentment over never getting THE Day, always one before or after never the one everyone else gets to celebrate.  It's a pity party and I need a good thumping , just don't feel joy, I guess after this week few people do JUST not looking forward to it just being the two of us on Christmas Day, while my son celebrates with his in-laws again, and always....sign  :-[
Well I'll be signing on Tuesday.....sigh..

luise.volta

Sending TONS of love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

I'll be on my own too, but I'm going to be as busy as I can.  This is my 3rd Christmas without any contact from my son, and every year is easier.   I think it's actually easier to be cut off than to always be the "Christmas" bridesmaid, waiting in the wings. 

Trying, I think part of the problem is that some AC know their is nothing that you can do to get them to change their minds.  But there is nothing that they can do if you decide to make alternative arrangement so you enjoy Christmas Day.

If I were you I would have a major "pity party" for 3 days around Christmas!! the day before, during and after..........be elsewhere.......just you and your husband having a good time. 

Use the phrase "Ooops, change in plans" we'll see you sometime after New Years, have fun!!"

If you never get the THE day from them, give it to yourself and your husband.  Nobody is getting younger so enjoy Christmas as much as you can even if it is not exactly the way you would like. 

Make some plans, keep other people waiting for a change and have a heck of a party.  I'm having one myself, I'll raise a glass to you on Christmas Day!!
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

JaneF

I too refuse to be waiting in the wings for any crumbs.  After almost 14 years of that it was enough.  I simply surround myself with other grandchildren, and adult children and friends, and have a wonderful time!  I love seeing the little ones faces when their stockings are full on Christmas morning!  I am betting my littlest grandchildren that will be here will want to set out a plate of cookies and some milk for Santa!  lol  Guess I'll head to the store for cookies this weekend...and maybe just a FEW more stocking stuffers!!!  Yeah right...I adore buying gifts for the little angels!  Happy holidays to all.  J

Pen

TMB, I understand. It's really difficult to deal with. There's no way through but through, if you know what I mean. Try to get up the enthusiasm to do just one special thing for you and is it DH? Or another AC? I'm sorry I don't remember :(   Anyway, give yourself a pass this year and then start planning strategies for next year...saving for a trip over the holidays, making plans to get together with other family members or good friends, or whatever. (((Hugs)))
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Kirk, (DS and Webmaster), and his Sandy are coming up to have Christmas dinner with me at my retirement facility. When we sit down, I will picture our WWU family there, too. What a wonderful image!  :) 
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Beth 2011

I celebrated Christmas with different people starting last week.  From my FOO, to work to families in need and will be celebrating with my FOO again on Monday.  It not only made me feel better about the holidays but it also made me think about and appreciate time we take for granted.   

Merry Christmas Everyone..

 

tryingmybest

I picture us all sitting down for a wonderful dinner at a beautiful Country Inn with Luise holding court at the head of the table. Great food, beautiful music and wine!

luise.volta

Oh, be still my heart!!  :)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

DivaGirlDIL

My family growing up spent Christmas Eve with her side and Christmas Day with my day's.  we do Christmas Eve brunch with my hubby's dad and brothers.  Christmas Day with my side.  Both days are equally special.  With my dad's side we still do a party only now it's on a weekend in December.  My mom's it's been well years since we have done family.  It's all in the way you look at it.  Eve or Day they are both Christmas.

sunshine

Tryingmybest,
I am the AC, in the same position as you. My dreams of the families together on Christmas are not shared by the actual families. I wish I could transplant my Christmas wishes to some of the AC on here so we could have better matches and I didn't feel so lonely. It will be just us and our little one again this year. No grandparents, no invitations from them or visits to us.
I send you a big ((hug)). Isn't this life? I will love from afar and hope they are finding joy in their day.

Pen

Sunshine, as the AC of divorced Ps and then having my dear mother pass away too early, I've been in your situation most years at Christmas. Just me, my DH & 2 children...my dad married a woman who rejected his AC so we didn't have a big family Christmas either (my dad actually told me we were excluded because they thought of Christmas as a "family time.")

We were then free to make our own traditions w/o the stress & strain of awkward FOO relationships. We took our little kids skiing or sledding, took thermoses of hot cocoa & watched the stars or Christmas lights, hiked in the snow, or even went to the beach to watch the decorated boats go by (yes, we live in paradise, lol.) Now that my kids are grown I'm so grateful for those memories.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Begonia

I just spoke to my 90 yr old aunt who has always been my role model.  She said, "oh, I am taking two other women friends to the casino for dinner on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we will go back to go gambling"  Then she said, "Gads, I never want to do a holiday clean up again!"   I had to chuckle, but I completely agree.  Last year several women here did something similar.  This year I am looking forward to having time off from doing anything except reading, walking, looking at the lights and enjoying the peacefulness of my good life.  And no clean up.  8)   Good wishes and peace to all. 
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

tryingmybest

I am so glad I found this place two years ago,  ;) I think all of us chase this ideal Christmas we imagine everyone else is enjoying, change is never easy but it can be good. Decided not to try and do the formal Christmas dinner tommorow, a nice relaxed buffet and paper plates, nice ones of course, so no clean up for me either.   :)