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enough is enough

Started by froggy, November 19, 2012, 01:51:20 pm

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Hello.  I am new and have been reading some of the threads.  I thought I would share my (ongoing) story.  My DS lives with my DIL.  They have 3 children.  I have the knack of 'saying/doing the wrong thing' and my DIL then starts to withdraw away from me until it reaches the point where she is positively ignoring me.  I then go and see her to find out what it is I have done wrong and apologise.  I asked her to let me know when I manage to upset her (by email if she does not want to confront me).  Anyway, to cut a long story short, this merry-go-round happens about once or twice a year.  Last year I went to see her and she said it was because of something that happened a few weeks ago, I reminded her that she hasn't spoken to me for months and wondered what caused it.  She blushed and admitted that she couldn't remember why.  In April of this year she started her silent treatment again.  I have no idea why.  Only this time she can remain silent.  Yes it hurts because I don't get to see the grandchildren (they live within walking distance) and my DS is remaining in his usual "it's got nothing to do with me" mode.  I ask him to bring the kids round but he refuses because it is his chance to "get away from them". 

I saw on a thread some suggestions of keeping a room ready and maybe make a scrap-book to show the grandchildren if/when they visit.  I have done the exact opposite.  The spare room is exactly that and a scrapbook would just hurt me far too much.

I realise I have cut my nose off to spite my face, but I can't keep this walking on eggshells thing going.  Missing the kids hurts like anything but I have to retain my dignity somehow.  I realise she also has an opinion and feelings, but somehow my feelings don't seem to count in this.  I also understand that she didn't choose me, I came along as extra baggage.  But what I don't understand is her attitude toward me.  Perhaps it is a power struggle, maybe she sees me as some kind of alpha-female and is therefore competition.  I don't know and I am not good at second guessing. 

I just know that I am a mug because without my help they would not be living where they are now.


F - Welcome. For me, it became necessary to give up trying to make sense of the senseless. It just drove me nuts. Others are pretty much how they are whether it makes sense or not. Some of us...certainly it's true of me, have gotten tangled up in our expectations...which, no matter how reasonable, are about us, not "them." You seem to be approaching the situation honestly and with inner strength. More power to you...that's the only route I know of. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Welcome!  I do not get the chance to post often, but when I need support this a great place for it!  I agree with Luise...no use trying to make sense of it.  It will drive you nuts!  I tried for years, and never did figure it out.  I plan to start a post here in a few minutes about a similar situation...and I must admit, I finally lost my cool.  lol  OOPS!  You have to do what is best for you.  I will not sit around waiting or walking on egg shells either...got better things to do than play childish games.  Blessings to you and glad you came here!  J


Thank you! I am starting to feel better (in myself) already!  I thought I was alone in this situation!  Now I realise I am one among many  :-*


Welcome, Froggy. You are most definitely not alone! Welcome to the site.

If you haven't already done so, please take a moment to read the pink-highlighted items under the topic "Open Me First." We ask this of all new members to make it easier for you to figure out how it all works and to make sure the site is a good fit.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Yes froggy, sadly you are one of many in this situation.  Glad you found this site...thank you Luise!  Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!   J


Welcome froggy. I agree about the room....mine is a "spare room" so that anyone can use it....well it will be...if I can ever get rid of housequests that take up residence...Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell