Doe, but for this website, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this thing would have escalated to the point of no contact with my daughter- he's already gotten us halfway there (she no longer visits, and used to almost daily- she works near my place and used to come for lunch). She still calls daily.
Having read some of the truly horrific behaviors by sons/daughters in law with respect to grandchildren and their grandparents, I think that the direction I was headed, with my own inability to get over the to-the-core insult (and accompanying pain) of being banished was an end result of being totally shut out.
I wouldn't have seen or spoken with any of them had I not visited this site, because my anger was overtaking common sense, and it was just a matter of time before my fury was expressed to him- that would have finished me off!
As it is, I'm just going to take what I have, and wait this out- while I'm disappointed that my daughter seems to support his damaging behavior, she needs to work through her own issues with him and that can't be easy.
You're right: as it is, their grandfather welcomes me any time he's with them; my daughter is still in touch daily, and I don't have to see him at all, by his own choice, not my choice (and open for criticism, as was the case).
I understand exactly what you're saying about waning interest- it did occur to me that withdrawing altogether would be less painful that feeling the daily insult of imposed limitations, for no legitimate reason.
I am so sorry that your own son has instigated such response from you, but I get it. Light banter can evolve into much more, but not until he's ready- honestly, your patience is remarkable. It's so tempting just to write it all off, but as parents, we just can't. You have my prayer/hope that he figures out that what he's doing is just WRONG.
IT'S JUST HORRIBLY WRONG.