July 22, 2019, 09:55:10 am


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

Should I say anything?

Started by Elise, September 28, 2012, 08:19:36 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


Last night I looked at the gift registry my dil is working on for her baby shower.  She or they have selected a very expensive high chair which looks amazing to the eye - very modern - which also looks very unstable. I then read the reviews on this highchair from parents and became very concerned.  There were some who loved it for its look, though even those mostly gave advice of how to deal with the problems getting the baby in and out of it and the fact the cushion has to be washed since it cannot be wiped and how food drops all over it as there is no tray etc. The cleaning concerns - well, those are not my worry even if looks trumps ease of use for dil.  Many of them said it was a nightmare, and some reported it tipping over both backwards and sideways if baby pushes away at the table or rocks sideways in it and also getting baby in and out of the baby seat that attaches the first couple of years. They said you can't get baby out quickly in case of choking and some even talked about their concern they would break the child's legs manipulating them for normal use in and out.

I did read reviews of other, more normal type high chairs as I wonder if there are problems with others as well.  I did find there were complaints about arms getting pinched on 2 of them and other concerns of the hard to clean type which do not so much concern me.

I am sure if I mention this to my ds he will  tell his wife I brought it up.  Should I say anything and to whom if so?  I am not close to dil though we do visit now sometimes and only in the last 6 months has communication become ok with my ds after 3 plus years of big time problems. I have concern my pointing out concerns about this high chair will be taken as criticism ( which I suppose it is) and tip over our tenuous re-connection. On the other hand, I am worried for the baby mostly.

Another item was a flexible pad type thing one puts around baby in the sink to bathe. It rests against the sink where the baby head goes. I could just picture my son banging his head against the porcelain sink the pad rests against looking at that one. But, it looks cool.  At least with that item one could pad behind the head with towels to soften the blows, even if it makes  a lot of extra wet towels to launder. 

For background, these 2 are in early 30's, highly educated, first baby and little to no experience with taking care of a baby.


No, I wouldn't say anything at all.  Unless you have a good relationship with them where you can say casually "hey, did you see the reviews for x?"  But if not, then no. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


QuoteShould I say anything and to whom if so?

No and to no one.  It is the job of parents to protect their children, not ours.  I learned this the "hard way".  I so get you want to "protect" that special child, but it is not our place.  I think that I would choose a gift not listed on the registry - perhaps a bank note(whatever) to begin a college account or a handmade quilt (not necessarily made by your hands), etc.  I'm sure others will have additional suggestions.

By the way, I also had no experience with taking care of a newborn and my husband and I did fine without assistance from my parents or his.  Relax - you get the "good/fun parts" of having grandchildren.  Congratulations!


Pan and JTDM - thanks. I will keep my lip zipped. There are other things I can get them she is registering for, so what else to get them is not a problem. I'll probably,e do the car seat she has on the registry, along with the things I have been purchasing along the way that are more fun- shoes and blankets, etc. I already sent a few large boxes of baby clothes she appreciated. The receipt of one of the boxes prompted the first ever call from dil to me, so that was really nice.

Thanks for keeping me from meddling. 


I wouldn't say a word.  I hate when people buy add-ons for carseats.  Cushions, strap protectors with cute bears on it.  It's not safe but I keep my mouth shut. 


Good for you Elise that things are improving in your communication with DS.  It might be a bit too soon to take big risks like suggesting a different high chair.  It is important though understandably.  I think your heart is in the right place obviously for the baby's safety.  There are a lot of +++ for the high chair you pointed out and some real concerns.  I wonder why DIL is going ahead with this one?  Just curious as I would bet she researched it if she is like most new mothers.  So what's the worse that could happen?  I thought the collapsing high chair, or rocky one that tips over is a big issue.  Once the new parents put their precious baby at 6 months old or so in that high chair and see it is not that good, they could go out and buy another one.  Everyone seems to learn on their first baby how to investigate and view baby items for safety reasons not just looks.  So normal to worry and want to protect babies from harm's way.  Always scary too when we hear about baby item *recalls* cuz something bad could happen if we use them.  I would protect your improving relationships and hold off a bit longer, testing the waters, to see if they can handle more input from you.   The high chair won't be used for a good while until baby can be at least propped up in it.  You have all the time you need to be reassured that your relationship is on sturdy ground, imho.   


I think I would tell them that I just love the gift registry option because it makes it so much more doable in picking an item. And I would add that another thing I really like is being able to read to pro and con reviews and sure wish they had been around when I was starting out.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thanks for your input Smiles, Diva and Louise. I do like the registry although in my day it was not 'kosher' to specify what we wanted. I do expect a lot of research went into selecting the big items, though I may find a way to comment on liking the registry as well as the reviews of items selected. I'm guessing the reason for selecting the high chair she did has to do with it being more architectural and modern and very unlike the type I am more familiar with. It does grow with the child and becomes a chair for them or anyone for many years.  It may well be they will realize the safety concerns on their own. I know reading and looking at this one it would not have worked for this new baby's dad ( my ds). He was big and very chubby from the get go, nicknamed ' Buddha', strong and very active almost from the start - certainly before being old enough to put in a high chair. His body was way ahead of  his ability to listen and follow edicts like 'do not push away from the table', etc. Thanks again.


September 28, 2012, 02:32:44 pm #8 Last Edit: September 28, 2012, 02:37:40 pm by luise.volta
Are there any good reviews?


Nope... not a word.  It won't be received in the manor it is given.  It will be perceived that you do not trust her judgement.  Leave it be.


Diva - yes, there were a lot of good reviews as some version of this high chair has been in existence in Europe for many years. I read the good ones as well and they praised it highly, though did not mention the concerns of it tipping over sideways.  They did mention there are some sort of 'glides' that can be put on the chair to prevent easy movement to avoid the tipping over backwards though, so obviously that has been a concern not only on the poor reviews. The poor reviews were the people who had their kids in the ER after the backward spills onto hard floors. 

Lilly  - I'm going with consensus here and keeping quiet. As pointed out to me, there are at least 6-9 months from now until baby will be ready to go into a high chair. Plenty of time for them to evaluate safety concerns. They will learn like we all did. I have to stay away from the 'what ifs'. I have noticed when I take care of infants alone now or even toddlers, I am much more concerned about safety than I remember being as a mom in my 30's. Thanks all and I am done on this subject.


OK, E. We'll close it. Well done!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama