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Completely done with DIL/SM

Started by Pooh, May 15, 2012, 07:25:07 am

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So, even though I haven't been seeing OS/DIL, the window has always been left open a crack for a reconciliation, if they chose to. 

Not anymore.  The window is slammed shut, glued, nailed and has security alarms on it now as far as DIL goes.  OS will only be welcome without her, if he so chooses someday.  She has done her fair share of being a cruel person, but she just crossed my line in the cruelness factor and I want no part of her.  There will also be a "not nice" converseration with SM (Ex's wife) next time I get a chance.  The two of them are perfect for each other (DIL/SM) and no wonder they always got along. 

FDIL calls me last night and I can tell she is upset.  She asked if I had time to talk for a bit.  Well sure.  She proceeds to tell me that something has been going on for about a month that she hasn't told me, because she was trying to fix it.  She says that she hasn't been able to, and needs my help but at the same time, it is going to be very painful for me and she didn't want to cause it, but was out of ideas.  So she says, "So the question is:  If I know something that will cause you pain, but will help YS, do you want to know?"  Bless her heart, I could tell she was struggling trying to figure out what to do.

So I said, "If it helps YS and you, then yes."  She tells me the story of what happened when YS was in, and over at his Dad's.  When they arrived, SM runs out and meets them in the driveway, holding her smartphone and yelling as soon as they got out of the car, "Look what I have!"  She shoves her phone in YS's face and there is a recent picture of his daughter.  She starts scrolling thru her pics and has 4 different ones of her.  FDIL said that YS was devastated and is about to cry.  SM is gushing about how beautiful she is, how grown up she is looking and on and on.  YS just walks in the house.  Remember, he hasn't seen her in over two years and has been trying unsuccessfully to see her.

FDIL looks at SM and says, "Where did you get those?"  SM shrugs and says, "DIL sent them to me" and walks off.  So apparently, later, YS breaks down on her and is all upset about SM having them when he hasn't even seen her.  So after YS deploys, FDIL has been on a mission to find those pictures for him.  She texts SM and asks if she will send them to her.  SM says that she needs to ask DIL because they were not hers to give.  She does tell her that DIL found them on a photographers website and downloaded them.  So FDIL has been searching every photography website for a couple of weeks, trying to find them.  Since DIL sent her the FB friend request the other day, FDIL emails her and asks her about them.  DIL tells her that she found them.  FDIL asks her where.  DIL says, "Somewhere", etc.  She will not tell her.  FDIL is very upset for YS and is still looking for them.

So, me being the CSI person that I am, FDIL wants to know if I have any suggestions on how to find them.  She tells me she didn't want to ask for my help, because she knows how much I miss GD too and if I found them, knew I would probably be upset.   So 3 hours later, I find them.  Yes, I shed a few tears but it was great to see her and how much she has grown.  I emailed them to FDIL.

I am furious at DIL and SM.  I can't believe that they would be that cruel, on purpose to YS.  Pardon me, but it's none of DIL's business.  SM, yeah I can't even say what I want about that one here.  If would have been different if either had asked YS, "I stumbled across some pics and saved them in case you wanted them."  If they were doing it for him.  But to flaunt them to him and then not offer to send them to him or tell them where they found them?  After they offered no help with us trying to get visitation for 15 months, but yet when we did, wanted to see her?  We let them see her even though I had to be present because I was legally the supervisor on the court documents for the first 3 months.  I sucked it up, even though I didn't want to look at SM and Ex, and did this because YS wanted to.  Arrgggg! 

Yes, I'm furious at them.  And OS and Ex?  If I find out they knew? Yeah, man up and tell your wives they are being cruel.  Tell them they can't treat your Brother/Son that way.  I'll be done with them too.  They can be as mean as they want to me, but what they did to YS was beyond cruel.  It was cold, calculating and unforgivable as they know how hard this has been on him and how much he misses her.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Wow...that's really....something I can't say here.  I don't blame you, Pooh.  There are times when you know it wasn't just some misunderstanding, it was deliberate cruelty.   Nasty, nasty.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


Yes, and 2 weeks before he deploys.  Idiots.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


I can't believe DIL was even looking for them and why she wouldn't send them directly to YS when she found them.  Why SM???  It's a game, a sick one. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


IF I had stumbled across them, I would have told YS gently about it.  I would have said that I had stumbled across them and did he want them?  I would have asked and offered.  I can't even fathom having them, flaunting them in his face and then refusing to give them to him.  Which, IMO is exactly what they both did. 

I never said a word to SM about the affair.  I never said anything during or after the divorce.  I even had her seated by Ex at DIL/OS's wedding when I was asked where they should be, on the front row.  I took GD to meet them even after they offered no support to help YS with getting her.  I have sucked it up for both OS/YS's sake, trying to be the better person.  She's fair game now.  She hurt him badly.

Same thing with DIL.  Purposeful cruelty is my breaking point. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Pooh, how cruel, selfish, and dare I say evil. A new low from people who have disappointed you and hurt you before. Unbelievable.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


This is the worst kind of bullying. It's like a big playground meany holding a little girl's doll over her head making her jump for it and laughing while she cries.

My blood is boiling. >:(

Pooh I think that's a good name for you...I can see mama bear coming out. Somebody needs to be picked up by the scruff of the neck and shaken.

lancaster lady

What I'm thinking Pooh is , what on earth did she/they hope to achieve by doing that ?
Some people don't have an ounce of sensitivity in them .
Well they deserve each other , shows their personality if they are all in cahoots together ...witches !


I just think there is a sick group of lowlifes that really enjoy the suffering of others.  It's funny to them, especially if they are the ones causing the pain.  Perhaps it gives them a sense of power... but it's sick.   Pooh.... if you'd like some chains, shutters and iron bars to add to your window decor... I have some left over from when I did my windows.. 


It is evil, bullying, cruel...you name it.  LL, I have no idea what they could have thought to get out of that.  There was absolutely nothing to gain from him by seeing him hurt.  I feel awful for him.  I know why he didn't tell me.  He knew I would be furious...good call.

Lilly, thanks for the offer.  I may just add a trip wire!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Good detective work, P! The rest of the story is a horror but out of it you and YS now have pictures you didn't have before. Bless FDILs heart!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Beth 2011

Pooh that was so cold hearted.  It sounds like she couldn't wait to let her shirt touch her back before she told your YS.  How did they know to begin with that there were pictures out there?  At least now he sees her true colors and sounds like everybody else did too. 


Evil, evil, evil people!  But great job finding the pictures.  As I was reading the story, I recalled something about face recognition software out there that lets you search by faces but have no clue how easy it is to get it. 

I think FDIL is becoming a mini-Pooh - hope she doesn't allow YDS to fall into any future traps with those Cruellas!


I am so sorry Pooh.  Can't see one redeeming thing to focus on with those people. Pure cruelty. 


I'm not sure if she was actually looking for them or stumbled across them.  Because I found them on a local photographer's FB page, she may have been searching for a photographer (since she's pregnant) and came across them.  I was searching names, photographers, etc. on the internet when it dawned on me that DIL stays on FB all the time, so I started searching through area photographers pages there is how I found them. 

I was very proud to see her.  She looks exactly like her Daddy, red head and all still. :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell