Author Topic: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up  (Read 6519 times)

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Offline FAFE

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #30 on: May 18, 2012, 07:14:27 AM »
Sorry if I was offensive in my post on the drinks, but as I stated it was all tongue in cheek!  I should have said lots of chocolate instead.  So I will just say if you do attend any function with any of your family, chin up - boobs out.  Lots and lots of bling and plenty of smiles all around.   

Offline Constanza

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2012, 07:18:40 AM »
Dear constant margaret

Thank you for astute observation re serenity gone astray- but I guess at this point I am indulging in my true feelings and I am a real human being after all!  My serenity will return.  You are right I do not want to sit next to my brother and be all sweet and nice just so my sister can say how wonderfully she has done with managing the family.

To Firelight, re reading earlier posts, read carefully. I am not an alcoholic- I responded to someone who has suffered from alcoholism- that does not automatically make me one. Though I will have an occasional glass of wine that is it.  Neither am I invited to my daughter's wedding so I can't just turn up and be this that or the other as you suggest but bless you all the same for being so positive.

FAFE- not offended in least- wondrous thought.

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #32 on: May 18, 2012, 07:32:41 AM »
Constanza, if you are not invited, how can you go? as for the invitations from the "Bad Brother" and "Snarky Sister's" exploits, I say "Forgetabout them all". 

Run off to the desert, Sahara or someplace closer, find an oasis somewhere and enjoy the day away from these manipulative and hostile people.  The only thing that actually connects you to them is biology, and that can be forgotten if they don't treat you in a respectful and kind fashion.

It's been almost a year since I wasn't invited to my son's wedding and my life has gone on, and I'm grateful that the dramas and finger pointing and guilt tripping aren't part of my life.

Some of these adult children are playing the "I didn't have a perfect childhood, so now you are going to have to pay, and I'll punish you however I can"

Guess what? they can't unless we let them and yes, it is the height of rejection, but why would I want people who reject me in such a cruel fashion in my life.  The fabric of families has changed a lot in the last few decade or two, but longing for how things were supposed to have been won't help much, there's a mourning process for how we expected things to be, but after the mourning process, while extraordinarily painful, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Get through the next couple of days as best as you can and then drive on, and put the pedal to the medal to get to that oasis and have a joyful, peaceful life where you are the architect of your future years.

Good luck,
KG



"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline firelight

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2012, 09:19:56 AM »
OMG!  I am so sorry Constanza!  I just went back to reread some posts and I totally mixed up 2 different posts from 2 different people.  I humbly apologize.  My response to you was inappropriate since I confused the 2.  Please forgive.  shame, shame on me for not being more careful.  I feel like an idiot.  Once again, I am apologize.   :-[
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline firelight

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #34 on: May 18, 2012, 09:36:49 AM »
OK.  reread and refocused.  (or maybe I should use my own K.M.S. method?) 

Anyway, follow your gut.  If you really don't want to go to dinner with your brother, you can just decline.  It sounds rather stressful and who needs it.  It is odd they are asking you to do that when they must know things aren't right at the moment.  Or, you could go and when the bill comes, go to the bathroom or stare out the window.  :-) 

And there's always answering machines and caller ID's.  You could just ignore the call if you're so inclined.  Just follow your gut no matter what you do.  My wise wonderful grandmother used to tell me (rest her soul) that if someone wants you to do something and you don't want to do it.....don't.  She used to say "you will be the only miserable one."  After all, it won't bother the other party at all except that they get their way.  So if you don't have peace about it, don't do it.

Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline firelight

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2012, 09:38:25 AM »
FAFE, I like the way you think even if we can't help the situation.  You make me smile!   :)
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline firelight

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #36 on: May 18, 2012, 10:05:22 AM »
There are no door mats here on WWU!  No sir.
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline Ruth

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #37 on: May 18, 2012, 11:24:45 AM »
First of all, the thing I find that sets this site apart from most others is that we all acknowledge here that we are human beings, merely pots of clay, who not only make mistakes ourselves, but we reach out to one another with open, loving hearts, so ready to forgive and find our way back to each other.  This is the glue that has kept me there.  I have revealed myself here with no pretensions, I write when I'm strong, I write when I'm weak, I write when I'm angry... I write.  I always know I can go home, and be welcomed with open arms, this is, I hope, what we will always be here - home to the homeless.  Firelight, I love your letters.  Constanza, I think every one of us who have written for any amount of time at all on this site know that our emotions ramp up when we are approaching one of those red hot events, i.e. the weddings, new babies, graduations, birthdays, and so on.  If we were not fragile inside, we wouldn't be here.  We rally around you on this day, and extend to you a portion of our own strength and peace, take it, its yours.  We share it with you joyfully and freely.  None of us can stand alone.  The road is long and very hard, and there are times you need a shoulder to cry on.  All of us understand, and if ranting works for a time, then do so.  If crying works, then do so.  The main thing is, just get through the day.  This isn't a time for working on issues or self examination, the red hot events are only survival mode times.  Tomorrow, you can pick up your paint brush again and be guided by your heart.  You will continue to heal, because nothing on earth has the power to stop that.  But along that path, you will fall down some days and maybe roll down the hill backwards a few feet, or a few miles, but you are an overcomer and you will get up and start walking again.  Only one broken heart to another can understand this.  Shalom.

Offline firelight

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #38 on: May 18, 2012, 07:24:48 PM »
Ruth, that was absolutely perfect!  Well said, dear sister.
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Doe

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #39 on: May 19, 2012, 08:29:54 AM »
Constanza - Are you there?  I hope we hear from you today.


Offline PatiencePlease

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #40 on: May 20, 2012, 06:42:10 PM »
Constanza, I am so sorry I am late to this thread.  You are an inspiration. 

If I had been in your shoes, I simply would have made plans to be away this weekend to visit really good friends.  There is something to be said for getting yourself physically away to a different place.  Couple that with good friends and you can't do any better.

I do hope during this weekend, you took the time to remember the gift you are.  You truly are.

Offline forever spring

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #41 on: May 20, 2012, 10:41:07 PM »
Constanza, my thoughts are with you also. I love to see your painting, being creative helps us to lose ourselves in times of pain and strife.

Ruth, thanks for your thoughtful and enriching contribution.

Offline nikncon

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Re: One week to DD's wedding I am excluded from- family all ganging up
« Reply #42 on: May 28, 2012, 05:00:02 PM »
Dear C. I'm sure that a lot of your friends here would like to hear from you.Hugs!"

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