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What to do about clingy MIL?

Started by stacy17, March 06, 2012, 02:04:43 pm

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stacy17

Hi Ladies,

I've been married for six yrs. DH and I have three kids (ages 4, 2, and 6 months). My MIL lives in Argentina, but visits once a year. The first two yrs of marriage she would visit us for four months, spending half the time with DH/I, the other half with her other DS (my BIL). I told DH that I didn't feel comfortable with a two month visit. She doesn't speak English, my Spanish is limited, and since DH works, I actually spend more time with her that he does. Believe me when I say she turns clinginess into an art form!  Long story short, DH, BIL, and MIL agreed that her next visit would be for only one month (I say "only" because for her it's not long enough). She'll spend two weeks with DH/ I other two with BIL/SIL.

The problem is, since MIL agreed she would only visit with us for two weeks, DH and I have had two other children. She didn't visit last year due to financial reasons.

My question is, it wrong for us to impose the two week limit since she hasn't seen GC in almost two yrs?? Also, she hasn't met our 6 month old.

PS
Not sure if this matters, recently MIL has told DH that she wants to move to USA to be closer to everyone. She will live with BIL/SIL, but would like to spend the night one weekend per month with DH/I. Not sure if I like that...?

pam1

Welcome stacy17 :)

Please read the topics under the category Open Me First.  It'll help you get to know WWU and rules.  Nothing wrong with your post, we just ask all new members to read those topics.

I think your compromise sounds more than reasonable.  3 days is usually the limit for guests but I can understand extending it a bit for an out of country visitor.  Still 2 weeks is a lot! 

Personally, coming up with set schedules for extended family seems to be asking for trouble from what I've read.  Maybe make it a goal to see her once a month when she moves closer (if it is feasible) but I would not give the notion she gets a weekend a month specifically set aside for her. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

luise.volta

My take: It all sounds reasonable to me...not excessive. You married her son and she is a part of the package whether you enjoy it or not. (I wouldn't enjoy it, either.) And two weeks sounds like an absolute maximum. (Lost time does not accrue!) Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

justus

It sounds more than reasonable to me. DH and I visited SD and our GD over Christmas and we only stayed a week even though it had been a year and a half since we had seen them.

Pooh

I think it's very reasonable and I agree, although 2 weeks sounds like a long time, for out-of-country visitors, I think that's reasonable. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Yup, one week at your house and one week at a motel or hotel!  ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

stacy17

thanks for the feedback. I was wanted to make sure I was being fair. I realize she's lonely for DS, but I really don't like long visits (not even from my FOO whom I love very much). I'm the kinda girl that likes my own space after about a weeks visit. Luckily for me DH feels the same way.

luise.volta

I'm the kinda girl that likes my own space after about an hour!  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Rejected

I think the 2 week visit sounds reasonable. But, stacy17, I worry about that weekend sleepover once a month too, if she does decide to move to the USA. In my opinion that sounds like too much.
"Women are Angels and when someone breaks our wings... we simply continue to fly --- on a broomstick... we are flexible."  ~Anonymous