Author Topic: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her  (Read 1039 times)

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diazdebbie

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Hi All,

I'm just at my ends whits with my DD.  She's 26 and has been abusing drugs and drinking too much. (No Job) I have been trying to help her out by letting her live at my home (I dont live there) for over a year along with her brother, (he's 23)  She also has a daughter (My GD) who is 7yrs old.  I just cant take it anymore.  She's not a good mother, GD always misses school because DD cant seem to get her to school on time.  The house is always a big mess.  She has assulted her brother by biting his thumb during one of her drunken episodes.  She doesnt pay any money to stay there and will not even speak to me anymore because she has decided that if I want to communicate with her, that I need to write to her.  (Really??) I have been paying all the bills and just tired of always being broke.  I feel that I'm enabling her to have this kind of lifestyle, so I finally did it. I gave her a 60 day eviction notice.  Now she's really mad and telling me that I can no longer see my GD.  I feel so bad for my GD. I've been allowing her to stay this long in my home because of my GD. But, I'm seriously going broke and can no longer make the payments.  I work full time and make a decent living, but I can never enjoy it, because of the house payments and utilities and hoa.  She blames me for all her problems and says I dont care anymore for her or GD.   

Offline luise.volta

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Re: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2012, 11:59:45 AM »
My take: You are saving yourself. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline pam1

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Re: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2012, 12:20:01 PM »
diazdebbie, I agree with Luise.  Big Hugs. 

Hopefully the school will take note of the absences and inquire into what's going on.  They do that here.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2012, 03:26:59 PM »
Hi Debbie ,

This may be the shock treatment she needs , judgement day has arrived .
You'll be there for your GD if needed , let your DD sort her own life out .
Without her eviction , her lifestyle would be endless , you're doing the right thing .

Offline Ruth

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Re: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2012, 04:14:42 PM »
Debbie, oh my you are worn out.  You've been reading enough stories on this site now that I'm sure you know the way.  Consider yourself as just having given birth again.  Let her start over, on her own.  You can maybe get some peaceful sleep at night now, at least knowing you've pulled the plug on the cycle and done the only thing that may ultimately start you dd on the road to a decent life.  We all know how you feel, but feelings aren't everything, some times they just have to be tolerated until a better day comes.   Work helps.  I stayed very busy today working at my listings, and it helped me to pass almost an entire day without drifting back into a/c issues and hot flashes as my blood pressure rises.  Lord willing, tomorrow I'm going to work on my garden beds and wear myself out again.  I'm heartsore and heartsick right now, but I know I just have to tolerate it until I get over it.  It helps, so get yourself really busy and every time you drift back into panic, worry, futuristic thinking, just remind yourself that you didn't make the decisions that took your dd to the place she is today, she created her own mess and she has to clean it up.  don't waver in this, I betcha she's sharp as a tack and will figure out lightning fast, that you are the one who can bail her out when she needs help with gd.  Beyond that, help her with nothing unless or until she's working on a plan of recovery.  I mean nothing.

Offline Pen

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Re: DD has given me not choice. I dont know what else I can do for her
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2012, 07:45:24 PM »
Good for you, DiazDebbie. This is one of the most difficult things you've ever had to do, I'll bet...but necessary. Thinking of you and yours.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb