Well, P., from my point of view you did the right thing and probably should have done it sooner. My husband and I live in a retirement center. It is large, old (built in 1967) and covers a mobile home park, independent living apartments, a large number of HUD units, a boarding unit, assisted care and a 81 bed nursing home. There is a restaurant and a grocery store, hiking trails and views of Puget Sound. It is nonprofit.
What I have seen here over the last 9 years that relates to your post is people trying to be there for family members or spouses to their own detriment. You had to take care of yourself. We all have limitations To serve others and be true to ourselves, we need to know what they are so we can continue to thrive and give, support and love.
I have no idea how many times I have seen, here on our campus, over and over and over again...the care giver burn out and actually die while the disabled person lived on. We have classes here teaching people not to do that. Each life is precious, none more precious than the other.
My heart goes out to you. What a loving friend you are.
I had to choose, when my friend of 45 years was dying, what I could give and what was beyond me. I saw being the care giver of my 97 year-old husband as my primary
focus and committed to calling my friend (who lived 50 miles away) every night for as long as she lived. That was as far as I could stretch myself and still stay operational.
You did beautifully and you still are there for her. Celebrate yourself and your deep and abiding compassion.
Luise