Author Topic: What does it mean?  (Read 2080 times)

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willingtohelp

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What does it mean?
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:38:42 PM »
What does it mean to honor your father and mother?  What does it mean to respect your elders?  Is it saying yes, sir and no, sir?  Is it calling for at least 20 minutes once a week?  Is it letting someone do something (eg see your ultrasound photo or touch your pregnant belly) when you're not comfortable with it?  Is it simply "being an honor" to them by leading an upstanding life?  I imagine I'm going to throw this out there and get 15 different opinions, but I look forward to reading them all.

Carmexx

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2010, 12:48:57 PM »
This is such a great question! I think you're right that you will get many different responses. Part of why I think it is so hard to define this particular term is that not only do we have to determine how we define "honor," but we also have to determine if that definition coincides with the definition of the person we are trying to honor. So, are we honoring someone based on our value systems, or are we to honor the person who is the recipient of the honor based on his or her value system?

But anyway, I view honoring someone as taking time out of my schedule to visit him/her when s/he has a special occasion (e.g., birthday, anniversary, graduation, etc) and being in the moment when I am with him or her. I want the person to know that he or she has my full attention and for that time that I am with them, they are what I am focused on.

I had never really thought of this too much before, but I'd love to hear what everyone else has to say.

Postscript

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2010, 06:36:59 PM »
"Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee," Exodus 20:12.

Stripping it down to the key components (I deal in law lol):

Honour or Honor (from the Latin word honor, honoris) is the evaluation of a person's trustworthiness and social status based on that individual's espousals and actions. Honour is deemed exactly what determines a person's character: whether or not the person reflects honesty, respect, integrity, or fairness. Accordingly, individuals are assigned worth and stature based on the harmony of their actions, code of honour, and that of the society at large. Honour can be analysed as a relativistic concept, i.e., conflicts between individuals and even cultures arising as a consequence of material circumstance and ambition, rather than fundamental differences in principle. Alternatively, it can be viewed as nativist — that honour is as real to the human condition as love, and likewise derives from the formative personal bonds that establish one's personal dignity and character.



willingtohelp

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2010, 07:48:02 PM »
Please tell me that's from Black's Law :).  Not a legal person, but I played one for 9 years on Mock Trial and Moot Court teams.

2chickiebaby

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2010, 08:16:39 PM »
Please tell me that's from Black's Law :).  Not a legal person, but I played one for 9 years on Mock Trial and Moot Court teams.

Is this like you're not a real Dr. but you played one on TV?

Postscript

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2010, 10:58:49 PM »
Not a lawyer in real life or on tv, I just have to deal with criminal law on a daily basis, so I have to be able to understand laws and find applicable criminal offences :)

DDM

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2010, 05:05:10 AM »
Honour your father and mother. This is a corner stone to most every belief system and depending on your religion, culture or over all values, can vary greatly in it's interpretation. It can be as simple as showing respect or as extreme as living your life at their direction. How I personally interpret it in my own life, is to strive to not disappoint or disrespect. There have been many times in my life when I have struggled with personal decisions and have had to consider the consequences of my choices. The thought of "what would my parents think of my choice" has always been a factor I consider even to this day - although I am over a 1/2 century old. LOL! Now, of course I have done things that I know my parents have not approved of and  I have certainly disappointed them on occasion, but the fact that I take their opinions and feelings into consideration does honour them. We cannot and should not live our lives under the total direction of our parents but it is important to recognize that even when our parent's wishes conflict and oppose what we feel is best for us, they are coming from wanting the best for us. You may not agree with them but you should honour the fact love you and care about you. 

Carmexx

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2010, 05:24:39 AM »
Well said!

cremebrulee

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2010, 05:36:43 AM »
Great topic!

First I'd like to point out that in this particular commandment, the mother and father are equal...yeahhhh!

I believe it means, that what you think and do, reflects on your parents...as small children, we depend on our parents guidence, therefore, we would certainly honor they're demands more...however, as we grow, we become more independent of they're influence...always being thankful for our parents for they're love and care, for the goodness of they're authority and love, even when they fail.  It's loving unconditionally, recognizing as adults our parents failures, but still giving thanks for our lives, giving thanks to God and to our parents for life.

the Bible reserves adult status for those who leave mother and father and cleave to a spouse (Gen. 2:24). Until that time, young men and women are generally under the authority and protection of their parents.

I view parents as people to be honored; Having parents means seeking and welcoming their counsel as the persons who most likely care more about our wellbeing than anyone else on the planet.

When we become adults and marry, we should still honor our parents, even in failure...when they do things we are uncomfortable with, we should, even as an inlaw, tell them right away, for instance, touching your belly, pull back and immediately tell them, you are not a touchy person, therefore, your uncomfortable with this or that.  i.e.  my boss is old Italian, and always wants to hug, when he first took over as director of our group, he came to me, to hug me.  I pulled back and said, "I don't do hugs, I'm uncomfortable with it".  You have to tell people where your boundaries are...and while telling them, you could say, "I don't mean any offense, however, I'm not comfortable with this or that".  If they take offense, then you know, you've done all you can to let them know...b/c parents especially when older, forget where they came from, and forget that DIL's have just entered into a whole new culture....she is the outsider and her own culture is as important as the inlaws culture...it is who she is, regardless if she is kissy face huggy bear or not...her culture should also be considered and respected.  I believe we inlaws, sometimes move to quickly, expecting her to understand that our culture is the law....when in fact, we both can learn from one another....

Being a parent doesn't entitle anyone to make another uncomfortable...and respect must be earned, therefore, I feel given time, both inlaws should come to realize each other's culture, and not be to demanding of one another...a new relationship takes time to bloom....so in the beginning, expectations shouldn't be to engraved....allowance, patience and understanding should be practiced, as it will take some time to become aquainted with the new changes which are about to take place...Inlaws loosing they're son to independence and DIL setting up a new household with her own rules and traditions....which to me is normal...and not the exception to some of the problems here...





Carmexx

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2010, 05:54:04 AM »
Taking the other culture into consideration is so important, and it definitely goes both ways.

In my case, I'm the one who comes from the big family with our own rules (think lovey dovey, always hugging, always talk on the phone) and my MIL is the one who can be standoffish. For example, even though she seems to love my parents and my parents love her, she'll make any excuse not to come with us to family birthday parties or any other gathering. One time she actually went, but she stayed in the car for 2 hours so that she could "rest!" I was so angry and I felt hurt because I felt like she was rejecting my family as much as we tried to include her and make her feel a part of us, but recently I've been realizing that she is an introvert and probably feels overwhelmed with my very extroverted family. So she is going to act like that around any group that is too loud, so I don't have to take that aspect of her personally.

So I guess my point in saying all that is that whichever of the ILs (be it DIL or MIL) is the new person (or the one who does not have a big family to back her up), that is the person who needs to be taken especially into consideration when negotiating the relationship initially. 

cremebrulee

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2010, 06:25:50 AM »
Taking the other culture into consideration is so important, and it definitely goes both ways.

In my case, I'm the one who comes from the big family with our own rules (think lovey dovey, always hugging, always talk on the phone) and my MIL is the one who can be standoffish. For example, even though she seems to love my parents and my parents love her, she'll make any excuse not to come with us to family birthday parties or any other gathering. One time she actually went, but she stayed in the car for 2 hours so that she could "rest!" I was so angry and I felt hurt because I felt like she was rejecting my family as much as we tried to include her and make her feel a part of us, but recently I've been realizing that she is an introvert and probably feels overwhelmed with my very extroverted family. So she is going to act like that around any group that is too loud, so I don't have to take that aspect of her personally.

So I guess my point in saying all that is that whichever of the ILs (be it DIL or MIL) is the new person (or the one who does not have a big family to back her up), that is the person who needs to be taken especially into consideration when negotiating the relationship initially.

Boy, can I relate to your MIL to some degree, and I'm not saying she's like me, or I'm like her, however, when I was a DIL, my husband had a huge Italian family...and if you know Italians, they are always celebrating something...every and I mean every weekend in the summer, there was always something going on, and we lived about 40 minutes from all of they're homes...and I worked full time, had a child....school activities and was church affiliated at the time....so, you cannot imagine, how I grew to resent his family b/c I had no time to myself, inbetween, cleaning, washing, ironing, yard work, etc.....I had no time to myself....and had to learn to start saying "NO!"  and I did....however, it caused problems with my husband...they all thought I needed to live up to they're expectations, and I ended giving up my own identity....to please them....it wasn't fair...and no matter how I blamed them or was angry at them, it was my own fault for not talking up and standing ground and saying "NO", I'm staying home today and reading a book. 


willingtohelp

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2010, 09:18:06 AM »
Ahhh, but chickie, I am a dr.

2chickiebaby

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2010, 09:50:03 AM »
Ahhh, but chickie, I am a dr.

Oh, Clover....okay, I have this pain...wondering if you could prescribe me something for it?  I love talking to Dr's.  I
always have something to go over with them.....oh, goody. 8)

willingtohelp

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2010, 10:41:16 AM »
Chickie, given what I specialize in, I hope you never ever need me.   

2chickiebaby

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Re: What does it mean?
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2010, 11:03:07 AM »
Chickie, given what I specialize in, I hope you never ever need me.   

You have to tell me what it is, Clover...if I don't have it, I'll develop it.  I have no boundaries.