Author Topic: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture  (Read 2406 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Beth 2011

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 184
    • View Profile
Haven't heard from son for Christmas....it has been 3 years now...... since he has been with DIL .....just lives within walking distance....so much water under the bridge....I just want to shake him into reality but I guess he is already there.  He has allowed the alienation of all his family and friends since he has been with his wife before and after they married.  They now have a son just 1 month old and we didn't even rate a call....  He has made his choice and I tell my husband that we just have to go on and he agrees. 

Doe

  • Guest
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2011, 04:30:05 PM »
Hey, Beth. 

Doesn't it feel like being in the land of misfit toys? 
The good news is that you've found a place to tell your story and we're all interested. 
And it's the first day of winter - the days will start getting longer again!


Offline luise.volta

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8932
  • Luise Volta
    • View Profile
    • Wise Women Unite
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2011, 04:34:49 PM »
Welcome - and please know that we care…deeply. It's a kind of heartbreak that can't be described and the healing can be slow and painful. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Beth 2011

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 184
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2011, 05:47:30 PM »
Thank you for your supportive posts.  I always try to think of how my Grandmother would handle this situation but I also have a grown daughter with health problems that I have to think about and it makes everything appear in a new light.  My Mother said just let it go, he isn't worth it.  You would think I would be used to it by now..... but it still hurts. Everytime I tried to talk with my son about what was going on .....he would not talk to me and I was not bringing up his then fiance now DIL.  My husband is terribly hurt and has just started to talk about everything that has happened and how he sees our Son in a new light.....not a good one either.   There I am rambling again... I just wanted to WISH EVERYONE A PEACEFUL AND WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS and say I am glad I found this place.  Thanks. :)

BETH

Offline luise.volta

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8932
  • Luise Volta
    • View Profile
    • Wise Women Unite
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2011, 05:56:00 PM »
Rambling is good…welcome to the family! And Merry Christmas right back atcha!  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Keys Girl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 662
  • photo courtesy of Suat Eman
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2011, 06:13:30 PM »
Beth, there are lots of women here who can relate to your set of circumstances.......unfortunately my son was loving and appreciative until his fiancee now wife starting laying down the rules ........and he was "adopted" into her family.

I haven't seen him in almost 2 years, but I just took my blood pressure and it was normal.......last year when I was in the midst of my first Christmas without any contact with him it was in stroke territory. 

I hope you have as great a Christmas as you can, and focus on the people in your life who add "comfort and joy" to it.

KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline justanoldgrandma

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 180
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2011, 08:03:07 PM »
So sorry that you and your dh are feeling so low; it takes a lot for most men to express their feelings, so I know you feel bad for him as well.

It's so easy for someone to say, forget him, he's not worth it, but a mother's love is so instilled..... but as Luise says, it's a long and slow process to get to a point where you can live w/o so much hurt and believe in your own worth and life again; Keys Girl is testimony to it!

You will hurt less; keep posting; and as Key said, give your love and attention to dh and those who appreciate it and to yourself, as well!

Doe

  • Guest
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2011, 07:51:59 AM »
I'm in the middle of a long book series set in the 1700's.  Sons and husbands leave home to do various jobs or handle various situations or go to prison and the family doesn't have a clue when or if they'll see them again.   I can't imagine!   

I think it may be worse, in a way, to have all these tools for communication and not get any from our AC.  I know that one is so tethered to his texting screen, it's hard to have a conversation. When he doesn't answer my texts, the message is pretty clear.  All this technology is a blessing and a curse!

Offline pam1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2321
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2011, 08:25:57 AM »
Welcome Beth2011 :)  Merry Christmas to you too!

When you get a chance, please read the Forum Agreement and WWU History (both threads located in the category Open Me First.)  We ask all new members to do so not b/c there is anything wrong with your post.

If you don't mind me asking, how did this all start?  Sometimes it feels good to get it all out. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline JaneF

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2011, 11:55:19 PM »
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to you all (which ever one you might prefer!). I do pretty well most all of the time now days since my middle son and his wife stopped communicating with any of his FOO...but holidays are harder it seems. This is my second Christmas without any contact with them, and that includes two grandaughters. I also tried like the other poster who said they sent texts etc, but I got no responses either, same with phone calls. I got the message and gave up. Like I said, I usually do well...but now I find I am angry at myself for still thinking about them at times, but I am human after all. My son does have a serious medical condition and so I do not even know how he is doing health wise. I did stop buying gifts though as I got tired of just having to return them all when they would not respond. Last I heard they were all living with my DIL's mother   who recently divorced). My youngest child, a daughter has recently stopped communicating as well. She is bipolar and has issues with abusing prescribed meds, AND she married a convicted felon who just got arrested AGAIN for a big drug felony this past September...nice. He abuses drugs as well, which is what started most of his legal woes many years ago. I worry because she took my two young grandsons of course, and they are 3 hours away. She is so unstable that the prosecuting attorney in the town they live in reported them to child protective services! He told me himself! One day he said my daughter was driving and almost smashed into him, and sadly my guess is she was under the influence of too much meds. So now my grandaughter that my husband and I are raising (she is almost 13 now), is basically being ignored by her mother, my daughter, partly because the grandchild is angry her mother sneaked away again in the night without telling her goodbye, and she does not like the felon she married because she has been told by her mother he doesn't treat her brothers (my young grandsons) very well. Sounds like a soap opera doesn't it? My husband and I have has this grandaughter since infancy, so she has always had a safe, structured, stable environment at least. She is a good girl, and we provide things we feel are good for her and that boost her self esteem such as playing the flute in band, singing, having her friends around for fun activities like sleep overs or swimming, and camping trips too. Here I am also rambling on! It is Christmas eve, everyone else is sleeping, and since I work third shift I am used to being up all night! The Christmas tree looks lovely, I am curled up in a heated throw blanket in my comfy sweat pants, my kitty is snuggling with me...and all is peaceful. Along with things I wish were very different in my life, I have many blessings to be thankful for. My husband is kind, hard working and honest, and he is my best friend. We have pretty good health even though he is diabetic, it is controlled nicely. We have a comfortable home, jobs, and food on the table. We have friends we enjoy, and of course our grandaughter we adore and are able to care for quite nicely...which is good for us all! I just wanted to touch base with everyone since I have not been on here much at all as of late. Time gets away from me it seems. We are busy, but I suppose it is another blessing...we are still able to be busy! Just wanted to say I am thinking of all of you, and hold you in high regards, and I wish you much joy and peace during the holidays and throughout the coming new year. It is nice to have a place such as this to come and just "talk". Thanks Luise!

Offline luise.volta

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8932
  • Luise Volta
    • View Profile
    • Wise Women Unite
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2011, 09:32:55 AM »
Great to hear from you, J. And to know that you are hanging in there and doing so well. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4400
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2011, 05:40:43 PM »
Welcome, Beth. I'm glad you found us.

You are not alone.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Beth 2011

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 184
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #12 on: December 25, 2011, 04:17:20 PM »
Well Ladies,

It is almost 7 pm and everything here is quiet.  We all have made it through the day.  I worked on staying focused on my loved ones here at home and our extended family members by phone.  We usually take food to our family members that can't come but everyone had someone over or they went to someone's home which was good.  Everyone had a good day..... the sky didn't fall and we woke up. 

I read all your replies....thank you

I hope everyone else fared well today.         

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4400
    • View Profile
Re: No son for Christmas again....now for almost 3 years since DIL in picture
« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2011, 11:33:58 PM »
Glad to hear your day was fine. You did it!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb